Original Entry Date:
November 1, 1999
Age: 16
Background: If you have been reading my entries thus far, you know I was a boy crazy teen with lots of unrequited crushes. Junior year of HS, boys all of a sudden seemed to notice me though most were NOT for the right reasons
Dear Diary,
Hey ok yes it has been a long, long time since I wrote you now. The school year started out slow. Everything seemed to be going wrong then around Homecoming, everything turned around and started going great and has been great since. Let me start with Homecoming, I went with Josh Stern, nothing really special about that but Connor was supposed to ask me but ended up not going to the dance which is where my conflict arises. I start liking him, big mistake. We flirt we go to the state overnight co-ed Cross Country meet, we flirt more, we end up going to into my hotel room and are both "comfortable" just talking side by side on the bed then bam coach comes in and he goes back to his room and nothing happens between us. Things have not been the same since and he is now together with Rachel and won't say a word to me. Then 2 weeks later, Kyle Sands flirts with me big time and offers to drive me home but I don't think anything really came from that. Then Mitch Gellar asked me on a date Friday. That was sweet. The next night, Tim Healy (yes my obsession from last year) is all over me in the treehouse at Fredrick's Halloween party Saturday night(we still have people thinking something happened with us (which it didn't) But basically all these guys have been interested in me which makes me feel good about myself. Of course nothing really happened with any of them, no kissing but I am still loving it!
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
I'd like to point out three consistencies in the above stories: Kyle, Tim, and Connor. All always flirted with you but never asked you out or made an effort other then when an opportunity arose for them to take it to the next (aka physical) level. All three of these young men did eventually have girlfriends in HighSchool and those girlfriends were never you--they really all when it came down to it-- broke your heart. You had longstanding crushes on 2 of the 3, (Connor and Tim) and developed feelings for Kyle once he showed attention to you. BUT...and this is a big point my friends, BUT, the only guy to ever make the effort to ask you on a real date and take you out was Mitch. Mitch was genuinely interested in you. Unfortunately, you did not share those feelings but you did go on a wonderful date with him. Oh I recall it was my first ever real date (not dance related). He picked you up and drove you downtown. You went out to dinner and to a haunted house and then for a walk along the Chicago River. Looking back, it was honestly a very romantic and sweet date. Something I very much longed for at that point in life, but it was with the wrong guy unfortunately. Substitute Connor or Tim (or even Kyle) with Mitch and I would have been over the Moon. But no, they only ever flirted with you in moments when you two were alone...
At the time, I was blinded by the fact that my crushes were actually flirting with me to see the truth. In fact, this has been one of the lessons that has taken me the longest to learn. And believe it or not, many girls in their 20s still haven't learned this lesson... What is this lesson? Ladies, if a boy has a sincere interest in you, you WILL know. He will ask you for your phone number, he will call you right away, he will ask you on a date. He will be interested in you at times other than when the two of you are alone away from everyone else and it will be about more than just a physical connection. He will want to be your boyfriend and rounding the bases will not be his Number One priority (however, let's not forget, he is a guy after all)
I've seen this in action time and time again. My two long term relationships (in College and after College) all resulted in me a.) meeting a boy and b.) giving him my number and c.) him calling me the next day to ask me on a date--usually that same night. Reading back on this entry, I realize now Mitch was the first one to show this rule in action-I just had yet to learn it back then.
This really is such a hard and fast rule that is so easy to understand yet we as young woman have such a heard time listening to it. We develop these crushes and these feelings and so badly want him to someday just notice we are alive that we let these boys toy with our emotions. We keep telling ourselves that this is different, we give excuses as to why he isn't asking us out (boys don't really do that, he was hurt really bad by his last girlfriend, his friends will give him a hard time if he gets a girlfriend,He is afraid to really fall for someone and I scare him etc., etc.) Girls, if you haven't watched the movie "he's just not that into you", please do because that movie pretty much embodies everything I am discussing and it really is oh so true. It is very obvious when a boy is into you and very easy to know when he isn't.
What's even worse is in college and Highschool even, we allow ourselves to take things to the next level with these boys (yes, I mean S-E-X or some variation of this) in hopes that we can get them to like us. Trust me, doing this will keep them interested but not for the right reasons and will definitely end up with you hurt. This is getting into a more serious and taboo topic than I typically like to discuss but girls, know that giving in and having sex or hooking up with a guy to keep him interested or to make him interested in you is not the way to go. This really is something that should be taken seriously and done with someone you are in love with who mutually respects and loves you and should happen at a time in your life when you are ready and mature enough to handle. Hold onto your innocence for as long as you can because it is special and you will never get it back once its gone. So think very carefully on these decisions. I am not willing to discuss the details on the internet of my own personal experiences but I can tell you I believe that it really is something you should share with someone you think you will spend the rest of your life with and I've followed and kept that belief to this very date (in my late twenties now). If you think you will regret the decision or are unsure, then just wait--when its right, you'll know. And to further my "lecturing" because I can't not say this: a broken heart is one of the least of the consequences you have to worry about if you treat sex casually or as a way to attract boys as there are so many other things to worry about.(i.e pregnancy, STDs) Ok off my soapbox on the taboo subject.
It is so easy to get caught up in the excitement of a crush noticing you when you were always invisible to him in the past. And once you get that attention, you crave it and you want it to continue. You start convincing yourself there is something more there, that you mean something to him, that is is different and he really cares for you. This mindset started in Highschool for me and in College, I fell even deeper into this pattern. Every time, I can tell you I ended up with a very broken heart and the guy always moved on to a girl he truly cared for. It really is so hard because we really want to believe they care. Any hint of interest towards you makes you believe they must somewhere deep down care for you and maybe they are just afraid of those feelings. But, no they aren't--they are really just taking advantage of you and the opportunity. You are too smart and incredible to fall for that and deserve so much more from the men you choose to allow in your life. Don't forget, you truly choose who you let in your life and you have every right to be very picky and demand to be treated with nothing but respect and adoration. It is perfectly okay to have that attitude with guys as the ones who don't deserve you won't make the effort to meet your standards anyway.
The best example that I have of this in practice is from College. There was a boy who lived in my dorm freshman year. We started hanging out quite a bit in his dorm room most of the time. We had a class together so we would study in his room. Usually studying turned into make out sessions. I found out eventually he had the same type of relationship with 2 other girls in our dorm but I convinced myself I was different. I started dating another guy who actually liked me Sophomore year but still couldn't get this one guy out of my head. We hung out a few times "as friends". I always romanticized our time together, walks on campus at night, driving to a nearby Forest Preserve and staring at the stars and talking..all this stuff that would make you think a guy definitely had feelings for you--but he never asked me out on a date. Before Junior year, my boyfriend at the time and I broke up probably because I never could get over this other guy. Right away that year, I found my way back to him. He did ask me as his date to a fraternity party and we went and he was saying all of these sweet things all night. I asked him to a football game at my older Brothers college and he came (along with my roommates at the time) and met my family and I thought we had a great weekend. Then all of a sudden after we got back, he started to avoid me...would act like he didn't see me around campus and basically would ignore me(we even had a class together and he never said a word to me). Around Christmas that year, he called me to say he just wasn't looking to be in a relationship at the time. The next semester, I found out he had a new girlfriend and they dated all the way through Senior Year and from what I've heard are now married. He never wanted anything more from me otherwise he would have had it. He found whatever it was I was missing in this other girl and he couldn't let her go. When they want to be with you, they will! He broke my heart worse than any other guy I have ever met as our relationship was more than just physical, we shared so much about our lives with one another but regardless, he had every opportunity to make me his girlfriend and he NEVER did because deep down, he didn't want me. It was a tough lesson but one I needed to learn. The right guy will eventually come to you and when he does, you will know without a doubt that he cares for you because he will make it a point for you to know. I've said it before but my boyfriend today called me and asked me to dinner the very next night. I even pushed him away to avoid getting hurt and he didn't give up on me. So don't be fooled, recognize the boys that want to spend time with you vs. the boys who just want to see how far you'll let them get. It is a lesson better learned earlier than later.
I do want to take some time and Thank all the people who have recently started to read my blog as I have noticed higher activity to my blog. I know I don't know everything about this life but hope I can offer a little something from someone who has been there not too long ago and learned from some experiences. If you like what you read, please share and please offer any comments, questions, etc.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Casualties of Time....
Original Entry Date:
October 22, 2000
Age: 17
Background: I have an older brother who is just a year older than me. He had a very solid group of friends in Highschool that he remains close with to this day. I hung out with them a lot in HS and was nervous about my senior year when they had graduated
Dear Diary,
Well, it's been a whole 6 months since I've written. Well this is it, the senior year of HighSchool. My life has changed so much in these 6 months and I thought I would be upset but to be honest, I haven't. You never realize what great friends you have until you really need them My brother and all of his friends have left for college and have moved on with their lives. I've been having fun though. Jackie, Erin, Riley, Mark and Connor have been great friends to me. Well ok maybe Connor has caused some problems but he was being an awesome friend. But of course my life is full of conflicts so how could I not have one with him? We went to homecoming together but it definitely started way at the beginning of the school year. There was some questioning along the lines of if there was something a little more than just friends there. I'm so careful about guys ever since the Kyle thing. Well to make a long story short, I thought he liked me so I liked him, I was wrong and now the great friendship we had and the even better friendship we could have had has been lost.
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
I wish I could explain why friendships with some people last forever and others only last a little while. Reading back on this entry, I fondly think of the times spent with various groups of friends who were nothing short of amazing to you. Jackie and you used to share all of your fears, hopes and dreams and have sleepovers and just talk for hours. You helped Erin get through a heartbreak and she threw you a going away party for college. Riley was just the sweetest girl I had ever met and made you feel so comfortable all of the time. She always wanted to hang out together. Her boyfriend Mark was such a great guy too. These are all such amazing people who I have fond memories of back in Highschool. All of these friends were also there for you when an unfortunate accident freshman year of college left you in intensive care and eventually bedridden for several months. Everything was there to set up a foundation for lifelong friendships. It breaks my heart to think that I no longer keep in touch with any of them. Facebook has allowed me keep up with their lives but we are essentially now strangers who simply share all of these wonderful memories from our pasts.
Jackie moved to Missouri while I live in the city of Chicago. Distance and different lives seem to be what tore us apart. I often worry that I forced her out unintentionally through new college friendships that perhaps I let give way to my priority over our HighSchool rituals. We kept in touch for a bit after college with phone calls and attempts to visit and then one day, we just stopped. That was 5 years ago now. I always look back to see how she is doing and try to wish her Happy Birthdays but still, we live completely separate lives now and the extremely strong friendship we once had is gone.
Erin I still run into from time to time. She and I have very similar lives now it seems but similar with Jackie, we just let our new lives take priority over our old ones. Erin is in the city as well and also has a big group of college friends she spends time with. There are some Highschool alumni events where we run into each other and it really is easy to fall back into the same pattern with her. Still, for whatever reason, a person who used to be such a big part of my life is no more than an acquaintance in my adult life.
Riley also lives in the city and I've run into her from time to time. We exchanged cell phone numbers several times and made promises and attempts to get together for dinner and drinks and catch up. I am sad to say it never happened and from my latest facebook stalking, she got married this year (not to Mark). I feel at fault for this lost friendship as it was I that cancelled on our attempts to catch up often letting the business of life get in the way.
The boys I don't know too much about now. Mark, I haven't heard anything about in years. Connor and I had a falling out that started with this diary entry and continued with his crush on my friend Jackie and their eventual relationship among other things. Ironically, he showed up at a party that some friends of mine threw at their apartment about 4 years ago. He was friends with the boyfriend of one of my friends friends (did you get that? ...small world). A few weeks later, the friends friend's boyfriend threw her a graduation party at his place and I saw him again. I've always been a nostalgic person and really enjoyed running into him as he was such a huge part of my past whether it was in a good way or not. However, in running into him, he was far less nostalgic than I was and really didn't seem all that interested in reconnecting. That was the last I saw of him and I believe he is married now as well.
Now I hate being debbie downer and I promise that isn't what I am trying to do with this entry. Friendships in highschool don't always meet the unfortunate fate mine did. The perfect example is actually my older brother. He had a wonderful group of friends back then that I was so envious of. They were all just nice, down to earth people who accepted you no matter what. I can tell you that my brother is still close with about 75% of the people he hung out with in HighSchool. And if you want an even better success story, he married his girlfriend from HighSchool and now they have an adorable 1 year old baby boy. Her twin brother who also went to HighSchool with us was my brother's best man in their wedding and her best friend form grammar school and highschool was her maid of honor. There was a large group of them from highscool at the wedding and my brother and his now wife have attended many of their weddings. Friendships (and even relationships) from grammar school and HighSchool can last a lifetime and they are proof of this.
So now the question remains, what determines who will remain in your life and who will not? Why has my brother remained close with his HighSchool group while I have lost touch? I honestly do not believe there is explanation for it. I would say you have to work on it but even that isn't a guarantee as I put plenty of effort into trying to make these friendships last and one day, we just all seemed to become too busy in our own lives. Your lives will change and you have to let it; you cannot cling to the past because in doing so, you will miss out on so many exciting new experiences and new friendships. Perhaps the best way is to recognize a diminished or changed role of these old friends in your new life? Accept that your friendship will mature with you and that it can' be exactly what is was when you were younger.
I honestly have always believed in this quote: "Friends are Angels who lift you to your feet when your wings have trouble remembering how to fly" What does this mean though? I think that the right people often come into your life when you need them most (or you may be put into someones life when they need you!) This group of friends I had during senior year were there for me during some of my toughest times. Senior year I felt alone as I had relied on my brother and his friends for the majority of my sophomore and junior years of Highschool. I was terrified of being lonely that senior year but they were there. When I broke my neck during freshman year of college, they were there for me and helped me get through one of my most trying times in life. They also helped me to find who I was and helped me to gain confidence as I grew older. Even though they are no longer in my life, the memories of the impact they made in the person I am today will last forever.
This weekend, I have a big group of friends from college all getting together to catch up and spend time together. My college friends picked up where my highschool friends left off and I hope those friendships do not become lost over the years. However, no matter what I will always be happy for time I did have with them and hope I can be with them to share times of joy and offer a shoulder to cry on during times of sorrow. So be grateful for the friends you have and do what you can to be there for them when they need you. There is no saying what causes friendships to last; but just know no matter what, the right friendships will be there when you need them most. I am going to close with another favorite quote of mine: Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”
October 22, 2000
Age: 17
Background: I have an older brother who is just a year older than me. He had a very solid group of friends in Highschool that he remains close with to this day. I hung out with them a lot in HS and was nervous about my senior year when they had graduated
Dear Diary,
Well, it's been a whole 6 months since I've written. Well this is it, the senior year of HighSchool. My life has changed so much in these 6 months and I thought I would be upset but to be honest, I haven't. You never realize what great friends you have until you really need them My brother and all of his friends have left for college and have moved on with their lives. I've been having fun though. Jackie, Erin, Riley, Mark and Connor have been great friends to me. Well ok maybe Connor has caused some problems but he was being an awesome friend. But of course my life is full of conflicts so how could I not have one with him? We went to homecoming together but it definitely started way at the beginning of the school year. There was some questioning along the lines of if there was something a little more than just friends there. I'm so careful about guys ever since the Kyle thing. Well to make a long story short, I thought he liked me so I liked him, I was wrong and now the great friendship we had and the even better friendship we could have had has been lost.
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
I wish I could explain why friendships with some people last forever and others only last a little while. Reading back on this entry, I fondly think of the times spent with various groups of friends who were nothing short of amazing to you. Jackie and you used to share all of your fears, hopes and dreams and have sleepovers and just talk for hours. You helped Erin get through a heartbreak and she threw you a going away party for college. Riley was just the sweetest girl I had ever met and made you feel so comfortable all of the time. She always wanted to hang out together. Her boyfriend Mark was such a great guy too. These are all such amazing people who I have fond memories of back in Highschool. All of these friends were also there for you when an unfortunate accident freshman year of college left you in intensive care and eventually bedridden for several months. Everything was there to set up a foundation for lifelong friendships. It breaks my heart to think that I no longer keep in touch with any of them. Facebook has allowed me keep up with their lives but we are essentially now strangers who simply share all of these wonderful memories from our pasts.
Jackie moved to Missouri while I live in the city of Chicago. Distance and different lives seem to be what tore us apart. I often worry that I forced her out unintentionally through new college friendships that perhaps I let give way to my priority over our HighSchool rituals. We kept in touch for a bit after college with phone calls and attempts to visit and then one day, we just stopped. That was 5 years ago now. I always look back to see how she is doing and try to wish her Happy Birthdays but still, we live completely separate lives now and the extremely strong friendship we once had is gone.
Erin I still run into from time to time. She and I have very similar lives now it seems but similar with Jackie, we just let our new lives take priority over our old ones. Erin is in the city as well and also has a big group of college friends she spends time with. There are some Highschool alumni events where we run into each other and it really is easy to fall back into the same pattern with her. Still, for whatever reason, a person who used to be such a big part of my life is no more than an acquaintance in my adult life.
Riley also lives in the city and I've run into her from time to time. We exchanged cell phone numbers several times and made promises and attempts to get together for dinner and drinks and catch up. I am sad to say it never happened and from my latest facebook stalking, she got married this year (not to Mark). I feel at fault for this lost friendship as it was I that cancelled on our attempts to catch up often letting the business of life get in the way.
The boys I don't know too much about now. Mark, I haven't heard anything about in years. Connor and I had a falling out that started with this diary entry and continued with his crush on my friend Jackie and their eventual relationship among other things. Ironically, he showed up at a party that some friends of mine threw at their apartment about 4 years ago. He was friends with the boyfriend of one of my friends friends (did you get that? ...small world). A few weeks later, the friends friend's boyfriend threw her a graduation party at his place and I saw him again. I've always been a nostalgic person and really enjoyed running into him as he was such a huge part of my past whether it was in a good way or not. However, in running into him, he was far less nostalgic than I was and really didn't seem all that interested in reconnecting. That was the last I saw of him and I believe he is married now as well.
Now I hate being debbie downer and I promise that isn't what I am trying to do with this entry. Friendships in highschool don't always meet the unfortunate fate mine did. The perfect example is actually my older brother. He had a wonderful group of friends back then that I was so envious of. They were all just nice, down to earth people who accepted you no matter what. I can tell you that my brother is still close with about 75% of the people he hung out with in HighSchool. And if you want an even better success story, he married his girlfriend from HighSchool and now they have an adorable 1 year old baby boy. Her twin brother who also went to HighSchool with us was my brother's best man in their wedding and her best friend form grammar school and highschool was her maid of honor. There was a large group of them from highscool at the wedding and my brother and his now wife have attended many of their weddings. Friendships (and even relationships) from grammar school and HighSchool can last a lifetime and they are proof of this.
So now the question remains, what determines who will remain in your life and who will not? Why has my brother remained close with his HighSchool group while I have lost touch? I honestly do not believe there is explanation for it. I would say you have to work on it but even that isn't a guarantee as I put plenty of effort into trying to make these friendships last and one day, we just all seemed to become too busy in our own lives. Your lives will change and you have to let it; you cannot cling to the past because in doing so, you will miss out on so many exciting new experiences and new friendships. Perhaps the best way is to recognize a diminished or changed role of these old friends in your new life? Accept that your friendship will mature with you and that it can' be exactly what is was when you were younger.
I honestly have always believed in this quote: "Friends are Angels who lift you to your feet when your wings have trouble remembering how to fly" What does this mean though? I think that the right people often come into your life when you need them most (or you may be put into someones life when they need you!) This group of friends I had during senior year were there for me during some of my toughest times. Senior year I felt alone as I had relied on my brother and his friends for the majority of my sophomore and junior years of Highschool. I was terrified of being lonely that senior year but they were there. When I broke my neck during freshman year of college, they were there for me and helped me get through one of my most trying times in life. They also helped me to find who I was and helped me to gain confidence as I grew older. Even though they are no longer in my life, the memories of the impact they made in the person I am today will last forever.
This weekend, I have a big group of friends from college all getting together to catch up and spend time together. My college friends picked up where my highschool friends left off and I hope those friendships do not become lost over the years. However, no matter what I will always be happy for time I did have with them and hope I can be with them to share times of joy and offer a shoulder to cry on during times of sorrow. So be grateful for the friends you have and do what you can to be there for them when they need you. There is no saying what causes friendships to last; but just know no matter what, the right friendships will be there when you need them most. I am going to close with another favorite quote of mine: Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Our Toughest Critic...
Original Entry Date:
October 20th, 1998
Age:15
Background:
My sophomore year of Highschool was a tough one. I had zero self confidence and was trying to find myself yet no one put me down more than myself. Read on...
Dear Diary,
Hello, well let's see what really can I say that's new? Well I'm still running cross country, I'm not good but I'm decent. I'm surviving this sophomore year, its bad though! Things just never quite go my way. I didn't go to our Homecoming, no surprise! Guys just DO NOT notice me! I mean who can really blame them? I'm nobody special. I mean Gosh I'm ugly, I picture myself in my head and shudder, I can only imagine how guys feel. Well as for the other schools Homecoming, my date was a *word removed* As for now, I like Tim Healy on the guys cross country team but like most of my crushes nothing will happen, believe me!
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
First and foremost, I need to address the inappropriateness of a word used in your diary entry. It was removed as I used it once naively and do not wish to repeat it. It is an inappropriate hurtful slur for gay men and thankfully is no longer a part of your vocabulary. I know there are many words out there that we hear on a regular basis and do not understand the ramifications of using in our day to day language. This is a word that is used by hateful individuals and it is meant to hurt. It should never be used in a casual context to describe an individual of any sexual orientation. I just wanted to ensure I addressed this as I was rather embarrassed to see it in an old diary entry...
Onto the topic at hand: self loathing. It is so hard to feel pretty as a teenager. We are beginning to notice certain aspects of ourselves aren't what the media portrays as beautiful. Our bodies are changing and often times certain features haven't grown into the rest of us. We are also venturing into new beauty techniques: styling our hair, doing makeup, etc. and dealing with skin that typically is most uncooperative. Take that and couple it with pretty much anything we see in the media. You have 20 somethings playing teenagers on popular television shows and in movies. You have teens (i.e Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift) who have an arsenal of a beauty team to make them look gorgeous at anytime. We live in a world that values and glorifies beauty and tells us quite distinctively what is and what is not beautiful. It is so hard not to feel ugly in a world where perfectly made up models and actresses are shoved down our throats everywhere we go. And to even add further insult, you have shows like "The Jersey Shore bringing about terms like "grenade" or "landmine" to describe and criticize a girl who doesn't meet the beautiful standard. The use of these terms on this show glorifies putting others down and therefore boys and even girls think it is okay and cool to use these terms in describing others they come across. How is a 15 year old ever going to believe she is beautiful when everything around her is telling her she isn't and make her feel badly for not meeting the impossible standards?
I had the curse of "anti-pretty". I was pale, Irish heritage with freckles all over, mousey brown thick hair, short and a little curvy. I went to a very preppy highschool where it seemed every girl met the "Abercrombie" image. Tall, tan, thin, and blond wispy hair that always did what they wanted with it. No wonder I felt invisible! It also didn't help matters that once I found a group of girlfriends, they were all very pretty and the boys I liked always preferred them over me. Oh as I got older I tried very hard to fit the "pretty image" Cross Country helped thin me out and fit into my body though that also happened naturally as I got older (losing the baby fat) though I still dieted. I also tanned (please DON'T do this--I regret it very much now and you will too!) I wore way too much makeup, got blond highlights and always wore my hair up---anything to fit the image. It took me a while to accept who I was.
Nowadays, I have come to accept and even appreciate the looks I was given. I may not feel gorgeous everyday but I can honestly say there are days I feel absolutely 100% confident(maybe even cocky...) in my looks. I strut around as though all eyes are on me and I am not ashamed to admit this. To go from a complete self loathing teenage girl to an overall confident young woman is not something to be ashamed of. I'll admit, I didn't just wake up one day, look the mirror and say: Oh Wow, I'm pretty! It was very gradual. It probably helped that eventually, boys did start to notice I was alive and even called me beautiful. I have a boyfriend today who makes me feel gorgeous every day no matter what. I realized tanning was very bad for you and could cause skin cancer and gave it up entirely learning to utilize bronzers and light self tanners to give a healthy glow. I eventually grew tired of the blond (ultimately orangey) highlights and started dying my hair back to brown before eventually embracing my natural color (and even being told by my hair stylist to not dye it because it was such a pretty color). I grew out my hair long and ultimately became the envy of some friends for having such thick hair. I learned to use makeup and play up my best features like my green eyes. I still will say I occasionally have body issues unfortunately. However, I keep up with going to the gym, eat fairly healthy, and even ran a marathon two years ago so I control it in a healthy manner. I think feeling confident in your body everyday is probably the biggest challenge of all and maybe one day I'll get there. But regardless, I've grown into myself and stopped letting others tell me what is and is not beautiful.
But with all of this talk of outer beauty, I've failed to mention one very important point...outer beauty will only take you so far. Looks fade as we age and only who we are on the inside will matter. So be kind, patient, empathetic and do good in your life. Do not place too much emphasis on outer beauty as it will only take you so far. The ugliest people you will ever meet are often those who are the most beautiful. So find your inner beauty and believe in your outer beauty even if it doesn't meet the media's definition. You will be happier and go much further in your life if you find that confidence from within and let the outer beauty shine naturally thereafter.
My last note of advice here until I sign off for today: please don't put others down for their outer looks as well. We only make this problem worse when we point out what we see as "physical flaws" in others. Think of how you would feel if you overheard someone call you "fat", or "ugly" and just don't do it. I know it is so easy to get caught up in criticizing others as it ultimately makes us feel better but no good can come from this. Compliment others and do whatever you can to make them see the beauty we all possess. I truly believe all woman posses a certain beauty that most don't realize. We are all beautiful so lets all do our part to help one another see that.
October 20th, 1998
Age:15
Background:
My sophomore year of Highschool was a tough one. I had zero self confidence and was trying to find myself yet no one put me down more than myself. Read on...
Dear Diary,
Hello, well let's see what really can I say that's new? Well I'm still running cross country, I'm not good but I'm decent. I'm surviving this sophomore year, its bad though! Things just never quite go my way. I didn't go to our Homecoming, no surprise! Guys just DO NOT notice me! I mean who can really blame them? I'm nobody special. I mean Gosh I'm ugly, I picture myself in my head and shudder, I can only imagine how guys feel. Well as for the other schools Homecoming, my date was a *word removed* As for now, I like Tim Healy on the guys cross country team but like most of my crushes nothing will happen, believe me!
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
First and foremost, I need to address the inappropriateness of a word used in your diary entry. It was removed as I used it once naively and do not wish to repeat it. It is an inappropriate hurtful slur for gay men and thankfully is no longer a part of your vocabulary. I know there are many words out there that we hear on a regular basis and do not understand the ramifications of using in our day to day language. This is a word that is used by hateful individuals and it is meant to hurt. It should never be used in a casual context to describe an individual of any sexual orientation. I just wanted to ensure I addressed this as I was rather embarrassed to see it in an old diary entry...
Onto the topic at hand: self loathing. It is so hard to feel pretty as a teenager. We are beginning to notice certain aspects of ourselves aren't what the media portrays as beautiful. Our bodies are changing and often times certain features haven't grown into the rest of us. We are also venturing into new beauty techniques: styling our hair, doing makeup, etc. and dealing with skin that typically is most uncooperative. Take that and couple it with pretty much anything we see in the media. You have 20 somethings playing teenagers on popular television shows and in movies. You have teens (i.e Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift) who have an arsenal of a beauty team to make them look gorgeous at anytime. We live in a world that values and glorifies beauty and tells us quite distinctively what is and what is not beautiful. It is so hard not to feel ugly in a world where perfectly made up models and actresses are shoved down our throats everywhere we go. And to even add further insult, you have shows like "The Jersey Shore bringing about terms like "grenade" or "landmine" to describe and criticize a girl who doesn't meet the beautiful standard. The use of these terms on this show glorifies putting others down and therefore boys and even girls think it is okay and cool to use these terms in describing others they come across. How is a 15 year old ever going to believe she is beautiful when everything around her is telling her she isn't and make her feel badly for not meeting the impossible standards?
I had the curse of "anti-pretty". I was pale, Irish heritage with freckles all over, mousey brown thick hair, short and a little curvy. I went to a very preppy highschool where it seemed every girl met the "Abercrombie" image. Tall, tan, thin, and blond wispy hair that always did what they wanted with it. No wonder I felt invisible! It also didn't help matters that once I found a group of girlfriends, they were all very pretty and the boys I liked always preferred them over me. Oh as I got older I tried very hard to fit the "pretty image" Cross Country helped thin me out and fit into my body though that also happened naturally as I got older (losing the baby fat) though I still dieted. I also tanned (please DON'T do this--I regret it very much now and you will too!) I wore way too much makeup, got blond highlights and always wore my hair up---anything to fit the image. It took me a while to accept who I was.
Nowadays, I have come to accept and even appreciate the looks I was given. I may not feel gorgeous everyday but I can honestly say there are days I feel absolutely 100% confident(maybe even cocky...) in my looks. I strut around as though all eyes are on me and I am not ashamed to admit this. To go from a complete self loathing teenage girl to an overall confident young woman is not something to be ashamed of. I'll admit, I didn't just wake up one day, look the mirror and say: Oh Wow, I'm pretty! It was very gradual. It probably helped that eventually, boys did start to notice I was alive and even called me beautiful. I have a boyfriend today who makes me feel gorgeous every day no matter what. I realized tanning was very bad for you and could cause skin cancer and gave it up entirely learning to utilize bronzers and light self tanners to give a healthy glow. I eventually grew tired of the blond (ultimately orangey) highlights and started dying my hair back to brown before eventually embracing my natural color (and even being told by my hair stylist to not dye it because it was such a pretty color). I grew out my hair long and ultimately became the envy of some friends for having such thick hair. I learned to use makeup and play up my best features like my green eyes. I still will say I occasionally have body issues unfortunately. However, I keep up with going to the gym, eat fairly healthy, and even ran a marathon two years ago so I control it in a healthy manner. I think feeling confident in your body everyday is probably the biggest challenge of all and maybe one day I'll get there. But regardless, I've grown into myself and stopped letting others tell me what is and is not beautiful.
But with all of this talk of outer beauty, I've failed to mention one very important point...outer beauty will only take you so far. Looks fade as we age and only who we are on the inside will matter. So be kind, patient, empathetic and do good in your life. Do not place too much emphasis on outer beauty as it will only take you so far. The ugliest people you will ever meet are often those who are the most beautiful. So find your inner beauty and believe in your outer beauty even if it doesn't meet the media's definition. You will be happier and go much further in your life if you find that confidence from within and let the outer beauty shine naturally thereafter.
My last note of advice here until I sign off for today: please don't put others down for their outer looks as well. We only make this problem worse when we point out what we see as "physical flaws" in others. Think of how you would feel if you overheard someone call you "fat", or "ugly" and just don't do it. I know it is so easy to get caught up in criticizing others as it ultimately makes us feel better but no good can come from this. Compliment others and do whatever you can to make them see the beauty we all possess. I truly believe all woman posses a certain beauty that most don't realize. We are all beautiful so lets all do our part to help one another see that.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
You never forget your First "Love"
Original Entry Date:
October 5, 1996
Age 13
Background: I had my first "boyfriend" in 6th grade. Two years later, I still wasn't over him
Dear Diary,
Things have gotten better since the last time I wrote. Kelly has been dumped by her friends and has come back to me begging for my friendship. She is totally using me! Oh well, in a way I'm using her. Let me explain. You remember Ty-my first love-I still like him. Kelly knows a girl Ella who knows him so that's right--major set up! The girl Ella agreed to ask him if he likes me and now all I have to do is sit and wait; sounds easy right? Year, sure, whatever. I am so nervous, I like him so much! What if he says yes, what if he says no. You know that if two years have passed and I still like him it must be love!
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
I like you, Do you like me? Check Yes, No, Maybe? Ahh I remember the days when crushes were as simple as this little common "note" girls used to send to boys. I am curious to know how teens today do this with all the technological venues available ...I may be dating myself with this but I grew up in a time before facebook, cellphones and when AOL and "instant messaging"(which is completely archaic now) were just coming out(my parents had yet to buy an account--yep it used to not be free). Basically, if you liked someone, you couldn't befriend him on facebook or have friends text you if they saw him somewhere (I am the first to admit girls can become minor stalkers when they have a crush--oh that was just me? oops nevermind!) When you had a crush on a guy, especially a guy from a different school as this particular boy was, your best hope was to have mutual friends arrange an event you both might be at or just pure old "fate" and running into them somewhere unexpectedly. Oh I remember how I would dream up these scenarios of running into him at the movie theatre or just walking down the street (he lived maybe 2 blocks from me), or at the ice skating rink, or the annual town fair, etc. I would always be disappointed when it didn't happen. I suppose this still slightly happens (though admittedly its more dread then excitement) with ex boyfriends I am not facebook friends with and would never text or call). Funny how it seems when you do run into them, you tend to look your worst--no makeup and sweaty coming from the gym--go figure!
I suppose before going off on too many tangents on this subject I should give a little background on my first "love". Remember the play I was in--he was in it too. His Mom worked on costumes. As mentioned, he went to a different school and lived not too far from me. Oh all the girls in that play had huge crushes on him. He was definitely very cute. Blond, tan, brown eyes, nice smile--the whole kit and caboodle. We had very different parts in the play so I didn't now too much about him as we rarely rehearsed together. But I remember very clearly the moment it all began...his Mom was in charge of one of my costumes and they needed fabric that we had been given to be delivered to her so she could work on it. So Ty and I rode our bikes (mind you we were 11 at the time) to do the exchange...oh in that moment I think I fell in love for the first time. I couldn't stop thinking about him.
But I had plenty of crushes before. Cute boys in classes that I kept my admiration of to myself. But this was definitely not just a first crush. How was it different? Well he liked me back! After opening night of the play, the cast went out for pizza and we were all pressuring him to tell us who he liked (of course all secretly hoping it was us!!) The moment of truth came and drum roll....his crush was me!!! It was then forced out of me that I liked him too and then he asked me to be his girlfriend--oh I was sooo happy and excited!! Ever since I liked boys I had wanted this to happen. The play ran for two weeks and let me tell you, we were inseparable--playing cards during downtime and just hanging out--I even remember he made me friendship bracelets (even at 11 he understood the importance of giving girls jewelry) Of course we never went on any real dates as we were too young(oh I cried for days when I asked my parents if we could and they said no) . Once the play ended, we went our separate ways and I was left to hope to run into him.
Fast forward 2 years and here is the diary entry about how I had never gotten over him. Spoiler alert, nothing did ever happened with us. I remember he went to the local highschool, got a very pretty girlfriend and they dated all throughout...I think even were Homecoming King and Queen. I still pined after him in highschool and would hope to run into him but the extent of our relationship was really two weeks when we were 11...
So why is it these minor relationships stick with us no matter how old we grow. Unlike a lot of other boy from my past, I don't need a diary entry to remember him or that I ever even liked him because it just isn't something you forget. I think it is entirely the whole "first" aspect. We always remember firsts (or we are supposed to---I'm embarrassed to admit I'm not entirely sure I know my first kiss--I guess it was forgettable!)I believe this stuck with me because that age is such a formative time in our lives. We are slowly becoming teenagers and aware of our social surroundings. More importantly, we start to notice boys and develop crushes and sadly enough, this is the time we begin to experience insecurity in our looks and personalities. It is a time when all you want is to fit in and not be invisible, (and more ideally, not be the target of all too common teasing at that age). To have a cute boy like you back just brought so much confidence to myself in a time where I was largely lacking such.
Was it really a first love? Doubtful as we were 11, it was just curiosity and having fun at that age. But I will never forget him nonetheless. He was the first boy to ever notice me back and for a girl who was mostly invisible at school, it was a chance to be someone else outside of the classmates I grew up with. I hope everyone has this experience and meets that boy that for the first time in their lives, makes them feel special. And don't feel badly if it isn't meant to be--they are there to give us something we need at that time (companionship, confidence, happiness etc.) I really do believe in the saying that people come into your life for a reason and that some are meant to be there forever while other are just temporary but leave footprints on your heart and change who you are. Every young girl should experience the joy of a first "love"---it truly is a memory that lasts a lifetime
October 5, 1996
Age 13
Background: I had my first "boyfriend" in 6th grade. Two years later, I still wasn't over him
Dear Diary,
Things have gotten better since the last time I wrote. Kelly has been dumped by her friends and has come back to me begging for my friendship. She is totally using me! Oh well, in a way I'm using her. Let me explain. You remember Ty-my first love-I still like him. Kelly knows a girl Ella who knows him so that's right--major set up! The girl Ella agreed to ask him if he likes me and now all I have to do is sit and wait; sounds easy right? Year, sure, whatever. I am so nervous, I like him so much! What if he says yes, what if he says no. You know that if two years have passed and I still like him it must be love!
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
I like you, Do you like me? Check Yes, No, Maybe? Ahh I remember the days when crushes were as simple as this little common "note" girls used to send to boys. I am curious to know how teens today do this with all the technological venues available ...I may be dating myself with this but I grew up in a time before facebook, cellphones and when AOL and "instant messaging"(which is completely archaic now) were just coming out(my parents had yet to buy an account--yep it used to not be free). Basically, if you liked someone, you couldn't befriend him on facebook or have friends text you if they saw him somewhere (I am the first to admit girls can become minor stalkers when they have a crush--oh that was just me? oops nevermind!) When you had a crush on a guy, especially a guy from a different school as this particular boy was, your best hope was to have mutual friends arrange an event you both might be at or just pure old "fate" and running into them somewhere unexpectedly. Oh I remember how I would dream up these scenarios of running into him at the movie theatre or just walking down the street (he lived maybe 2 blocks from me), or at the ice skating rink, or the annual town fair, etc. I would always be disappointed when it didn't happen. I suppose this still slightly happens (though admittedly its more dread then excitement) with ex boyfriends I am not facebook friends with and would never text or call). Funny how it seems when you do run into them, you tend to look your worst--no makeup and sweaty coming from the gym--go figure!
I suppose before going off on too many tangents on this subject I should give a little background on my first "love". Remember the play I was in--he was in it too. His Mom worked on costumes. As mentioned, he went to a different school and lived not too far from me. Oh all the girls in that play had huge crushes on him. He was definitely very cute. Blond, tan, brown eyes, nice smile--the whole kit and caboodle. We had very different parts in the play so I didn't now too much about him as we rarely rehearsed together. But I remember very clearly the moment it all began...his Mom was in charge of one of my costumes and they needed fabric that we had been given to be delivered to her so she could work on it. So Ty and I rode our bikes (mind you we were 11 at the time) to do the exchange...oh in that moment I think I fell in love for the first time. I couldn't stop thinking about him.
But I had plenty of crushes before. Cute boys in classes that I kept my admiration of to myself. But this was definitely not just a first crush. How was it different? Well he liked me back! After opening night of the play, the cast went out for pizza and we were all pressuring him to tell us who he liked (of course all secretly hoping it was us!!) The moment of truth came and drum roll....his crush was me!!! It was then forced out of me that I liked him too and then he asked me to be his girlfriend--oh I was sooo happy and excited!! Ever since I liked boys I had wanted this to happen. The play ran for two weeks and let me tell you, we were inseparable--playing cards during downtime and just hanging out--I even remember he made me friendship bracelets (even at 11 he understood the importance of giving girls jewelry) Of course we never went on any real dates as we were too young(oh I cried for days when I asked my parents if we could and they said no) . Once the play ended, we went our separate ways and I was left to hope to run into him.
Fast forward 2 years and here is the diary entry about how I had never gotten over him. Spoiler alert, nothing did ever happened with us. I remember he went to the local highschool, got a very pretty girlfriend and they dated all throughout...I think even were Homecoming King and Queen. I still pined after him in highschool and would hope to run into him but the extent of our relationship was really two weeks when we were 11...
So why is it these minor relationships stick with us no matter how old we grow. Unlike a lot of other boy from my past, I don't need a diary entry to remember him or that I ever even liked him because it just isn't something you forget. I think it is entirely the whole "first" aspect. We always remember firsts (or we are supposed to---I'm embarrassed to admit I'm not entirely sure I know my first kiss--I guess it was forgettable!)I believe this stuck with me because that age is such a formative time in our lives. We are slowly becoming teenagers and aware of our social surroundings. More importantly, we start to notice boys and develop crushes and sadly enough, this is the time we begin to experience insecurity in our looks and personalities. It is a time when all you want is to fit in and not be invisible, (and more ideally, not be the target of all too common teasing at that age). To have a cute boy like you back just brought so much confidence to myself in a time where I was largely lacking such.
Was it really a first love? Doubtful as we were 11, it was just curiosity and having fun at that age. But I will never forget him nonetheless. He was the first boy to ever notice me back and for a girl who was mostly invisible at school, it was a chance to be someone else outside of the classmates I grew up with. I hope everyone has this experience and meets that boy that for the first time in their lives, makes them feel special. And don't feel badly if it isn't meant to be--they are there to give us something we need at that time (companionship, confidence, happiness etc.) I really do believe in the saying that people come into your life for a reason and that some are meant to be there forever while other are just temporary but leave footprints on your heart and change who you are. Every young girl should experience the joy of a first "love"---it truly is a memory that lasts a lifetime
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Friends are Forever..Men are Fleeting
Original Entry Date:
September 28, 1997
Age: 14
Background:
My first homecoming dance. As mentioned in prior entries, I went to a private highschool. Kids came from surrounding areas but there was a group of 12 of us or so that went to the same grade school. I was good friends with a few of the girls. The actions of this night was the main reason I would pinpoint for the loss of that friendship.
Dear Diary,
Well HighSchool is off to a pretty good start. I went to Homecoming last night. I hated my date but that was ok because there were plenty of other guys there to hang out with. Uh oh there is a slight problem though. Casey Reagan is in love with this guy Mark Conrad. Well guess what happens? I start to like him. I try to tell myself I can't but I do...a lot. Oh boy I don't think he would go out with me but it still would be fun. I danced with him four times last night-Casey was not happy. I think she knows I like him too. That's all for now.
See Ya.
Oh Megs,
This entry makes me so mad and so sad at the same time. It shows such an ugly side to your personality and one which I am glad was not long lived. It also makes me mad because this is such an easy lesson and one which you did repeatedly..in grade school, high school and college. And don't even get me started on you saying you "hated your date"--at one point in your life you just want a date to a dance and when you get one and use such a strong negative word of "hate" to describe a perfectly nice guy who could have eventually turned into a friend---he ended up moving away and is probably married with an adorable baby and a very happy life now---oh I digress..back to the subject
It is the oldest rule in girl code out there....Do not steal a friends boyfriend, do not like a guy that your friend likes...just any guy that has any relation to a friend that may be romantic or that they wish to be romantic---STAY AWAY. How is this the easiest rule to understand but somehow, the one that gets broken the most? There is even a book on this concept (turned into a movie--Something Borrowed) and has been the plot of many a television show 90210(old and new Kelly/Brenda/Dylan Annie/Naomi/Ethan(Season 1)). So clearly it is a far more complex and reoccurring situation than it would seem to be.
Why does such a basic rule seem to get broken over and over again--and why do we struggle so much with following it? Do we not value these friendships enough where all it takes is a cute guy with a great smile to cloud our mind? It just goes to show how weak we ladies can be for someone tall, dark, and handsome...all logical thought goes out the window and we are ready to swoop in and take what someone else has, no matter who it hurts...
So other than the hypnotizing piercing blue eyes and sculpted muscles, how do we let ourselves do this? I think we just try and justify it in our head over and over again and make excuses that make it okay. "Oh she just has a crush on him, she doesn't ever talk to him and he and I have a great connection", or "he may be her boyfriend but she always talks about other guys and they don't seem to be head over heels in love and he is always flirting with me" or "they broke up months ago and she's moved on, it can't be that big of a deal if I go for it." I don't care what the excuses are though..let me tell you from experience,going after a friends crush, ex, or worst of all, boyfriend will ALWAYS end badly.
My first lesson was in another diary entry which I'll get to another time. Then there is the story from this entry. So what happened? Fast Forward 14 years, this guy? Not my type in any way shape or form. He never really grew up and from what I understand is very artsy, hippy--perfect match for some girl but not me. I go for the more clean cut, boy next store types as that is just me. And the girl? that dance was pretty much one of the last times we were friends..we tried to make it work past that but I am pretty certain she lost all respect for me after that night. And this was a friend I had since I was 6 or 7....so huge mistake. Second lesson? College. There was this guy from my hometown that one of my friends had a huge crush on. They didn't really talk and it was clear nothing was going to happen. So I didn't think she would care when one night out, we ended up making out in a bar. Oh let me tell you the fallout the next morning was ugly. My friend and another girlfriend of ours(it was actually senior year of college and we all lived in a house together) were furious with me, there was yelling, screaming, crying...and it took all parties a while to get past. This was the last time I needed to learn this lesson as I couldn't ever do this again after that experience and I didn't. And these girls who I screamed it out with are thankfully still 2 of my closest friends as they thankfully did forgive me but not all friends are like this. Oh and nothing ever amounted with this guy (trust me it rarely, rarely does) which is why it is NEVER worth it.
And I'm not the only one that has done it--post college? My old roommate had a crush on the neighbor of another group of our girlfriends--and so did one of the girls that lived next door to him. My roommate went for it knowing perfectly well the other girl was hoping he would like her as more than a friend. More yelling, fighting, name calling, not speaking for a while---all over a boy. They worked it out and the guy ended up being a major jerk and not the catch we all worked him up to be. A few years later, it happened again. This time, a friend of mine dated a guy in college who lived in another state. They broke up and he came to visit. When he was in town, something happened with her best friend and him. The best friend moved away a few years later and only after she moved did we all discover what had happened. This relationship was never recovered---and once again nothing good comes of of this, And in the the stories, nothing, I repeat absolutely nothing, has ever came to be with the guys in these situations.
So to wrap it up--what can I tell you on this tricky subject? Just don't do it--resist and know from someone who has been there, IT DOESN'T WORK. You'll either have an awful argument with a great friend or worse, lose them forever for a guy who will mean absolutely nothing to you in a few years. I don't care how "meant to be" you think you two are--trust me, there are hundreds of guys that will cross your path over the years--if the guy you are meant to be with for the rest of your life is somehow involved with your friend at the time you meet him, let it be. If it is truly meant to be, he will be back in your life at a time when it is more appropriate and no one will get hurt. If you have to hurt someone else to be with a guy, he isn't the one for you anyways. Good girlfriends are a dime a dozen while there are a million fish in the sea...don't sacrifice a friendship for a guy--just don't it is never worth the risk of losing them forever.
Oh and if you ever find yourself on the other side of this, where a friend has gone after an ex, crush, or boyfriend of yours--know you have every right to be furious with them. They were certainly in the wrong in doing this. However, know that everyone makes mistakes and if you can find it in your heart to forgive them try. That boy that you two are fighting over will probably be in neither of your lives 14 years from now but only you two can find a way to work out and be sure you are still in each others.
Til Next Time,
Megs
September 28, 1997
Age: 14
Background:
My first homecoming dance. As mentioned in prior entries, I went to a private highschool. Kids came from surrounding areas but there was a group of 12 of us or so that went to the same grade school. I was good friends with a few of the girls. The actions of this night was the main reason I would pinpoint for the loss of that friendship.
Dear Diary,
Well HighSchool is off to a pretty good start. I went to Homecoming last night. I hated my date but that was ok because there were plenty of other guys there to hang out with. Uh oh there is a slight problem though. Casey Reagan is in love with this guy Mark Conrad. Well guess what happens? I start to like him. I try to tell myself I can't but I do...a lot. Oh boy I don't think he would go out with me but it still would be fun. I danced with him four times last night-Casey was not happy. I think she knows I like him too. That's all for now.
See Ya.
Oh Megs,
This entry makes me so mad and so sad at the same time. It shows such an ugly side to your personality and one which I am glad was not long lived. It also makes me mad because this is such an easy lesson and one which you did repeatedly..in grade school, high school and college. And don't even get me started on you saying you "hated your date"--at one point in your life you just want a date to a dance and when you get one and use such a strong negative word of "hate" to describe a perfectly nice guy who could have eventually turned into a friend---he ended up moving away and is probably married with an adorable baby and a very happy life now---oh I digress..back to the subject
It is the oldest rule in girl code out there....Do not steal a friends boyfriend, do not like a guy that your friend likes...just any guy that has any relation to a friend that may be romantic or that they wish to be romantic---STAY AWAY. How is this the easiest rule to understand but somehow, the one that gets broken the most? There is even a book on this concept (turned into a movie--Something Borrowed) and has been the plot of many a television show 90210(old and new Kelly/Brenda/Dylan Annie/Naomi/Ethan(Season 1)). So clearly it is a far more complex and reoccurring situation than it would seem to be.
Why does such a basic rule seem to get broken over and over again--and why do we struggle so much with following it? Do we not value these friendships enough where all it takes is a cute guy with a great smile to cloud our mind? It just goes to show how weak we ladies can be for someone tall, dark, and handsome...all logical thought goes out the window and we are ready to swoop in and take what someone else has, no matter who it hurts...
So other than the hypnotizing piercing blue eyes and sculpted muscles, how do we let ourselves do this? I think we just try and justify it in our head over and over again and make excuses that make it okay. "Oh she just has a crush on him, she doesn't ever talk to him and he and I have a great connection", or "he may be her boyfriend but she always talks about other guys and they don't seem to be head over heels in love and he is always flirting with me" or "they broke up months ago and she's moved on, it can't be that big of a deal if I go for it." I don't care what the excuses are though..let me tell you from experience,going after a friends crush, ex, or worst of all, boyfriend will ALWAYS end badly.
My first lesson was in another diary entry which I'll get to another time. Then there is the story from this entry. So what happened? Fast Forward 14 years, this guy? Not my type in any way shape or form. He never really grew up and from what I understand is very artsy, hippy--perfect match for some girl but not me. I go for the more clean cut, boy next store types as that is just me. And the girl? that dance was pretty much one of the last times we were friends..we tried to make it work past that but I am pretty certain she lost all respect for me after that night. And this was a friend I had since I was 6 or 7....so huge mistake. Second lesson? College. There was this guy from my hometown that one of my friends had a huge crush on. They didn't really talk and it was clear nothing was going to happen. So I didn't think she would care when one night out, we ended up making out in a bar. Oh let me tell you the fallout the next morning was ugly. My friend and another girlfriend of ours(it was actually senior year of college and we all lived in a house together) were furious with me, there was yelling, screaming, crying...and it took all parties a while to get past. This was the last time I needed to learn this lesson as I couldn't ever do this again after that experience and I didn't. And these girls who I screamed it out with are thankfully still 2 of my closest friends as they thankfully did forgive me but not all friends are like this. Oh and nothing ever amounted with this guy (trust me it rarely, rarely does) which is why it is NEVER worth it.
And I'm not the only one that has done it--post college? My old roommate had a crush on the neighbor of another group of our girlfriends--and so did one of the girls that lived next door to him. My roommate went for it knowing perfectly well the other girl was hoping he would like her as more than a friend. More yelling, fighting, name calling, not speaking for a while---all over a boy. They worked it out and the guy ended up being a major jerk and not the catch we all worked him up to be. A few years later, it happened again. This time, a friend of mine dated a guy in college who lived in another state. They broke up and he came to visit. When he was in town, something happened with her best friend and him. The best friend moved away a few years later and only after she moved did we all discover what had happened. This relationship was never recovered---and once again nothing good comes of of this, And in the the stories, nothing, I repeat absolutely nothing, has ever came to be with the guys in these situations.
So to wrap it up--what can I tell you on this tricky subject? Just don't do it--resist and know from someone who has been there, IT DOESN'T WORK. You'll either have an awful argument with a great friend or worse, lose them forever for a guy who will mean absolutely nothing to you in a few years. I don't care how "meant to be" you think you two are--trust me, there are hundreds of guys that will cross your path over the years--if the guy you are meant to be with for the rest of your life is somehow involved with your friend at the time you meet him, let it be. If it is truly meant to be, he will be back in your life at a time when it is more appropriate and no one will get hurt. If you have to hurt someone else to be with a guy, he isn't the one for you anyways. Good girlfriends are a dime a dozen while there are a million fish in the sea...don't sacrifice a friendship for a guy--just don't it is never worth the risk of losing them forever.
Oh and if you ever find yourself on the other side of this, where a friend has gone after an ex, crush, or boyfriend of yours--know you have every right to be furious with them. They were certainly in the wrong in doing this. However, know that everyone makes mistakes and if you can find it in your heart to forgive them try. That boy that you two are fighting over will probably be in neither of your lives 14 years from now but only you two can find a way to work out and be sure you are still in each others.
Til Next Time,
Megs
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Dare to Dream
Original Entry Date:
September 25, 1994
Age: 11
Background:
My town had a local Children's Theatre that would put on 2 musicals a year. 5th thru 8th graders could try out. I used to (well hey I still do) love theatre so I tried out for both every year and was in 4 of the productions over the years.
Dear Diary,
Boy time flies by, its been a year since the last time I wrote. I've been writing in my Journal. I'm in the 6th grade now. Ears pierced, boy crazy, and getting friends to like me! I'm definitely on the right track. I made "Annie" as a speaking orphan "July". My sister now in HighSchool is different, she hates me now. She never was like this in gradeschool, I wish she would change. I like Stan Carroll now. I sit next to him in Math, Diagonally from him in english and homeroom and in back of him in Reading and next to him in art. I hope he gets friendlier to me he is soooo cute.
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
So this was a pretty basic entry and I debated as to what to zero in on....your sister(don't worry, she doesn't hate you, sisters will always be there for you so never take that for granted), your crush (never happened). But then I thought back to that time in life and the one thing that made me happier than anything else....being in that play. Oh I was obsessed with that production....for a really long time after it was over. I loved performing and being on stage...I had always loved musicals and Annie was definitely one of my favorites(Sound of Music and Bye Bye Birdie were up there too). I remember singing everywhere, in the shower, up in my room, when no one else was home....ha no wonder my sister "hated" me. I was also constantly putting on productions for family members or my baby brothers if no one else would pay attention. My point is you LOVED singing, dancing, performing---you had dreams to be a STAR!
In all these years since, I have never found something I loved as much as being in those local productions. I am sad to say those dreams died with age and reality sinking in. I didn't have the talent, I was never going to make money going into something like that and thus around HighSchool, I went straight on the scholar route...honors classes, college, business school. Now, I sit behind a desk all day selling 401(k) plans. The only glimpse back to that time of pure bliss is when I get to shake it out at Zumba class, sing at the top of lungs to Adele's "Someone like you"on the radio in my car, or the best--live band karaoke!
Yes, I know that is a slightly depressing reality and I promise this entry has an upside. Instead of me trying to teach something to you, I'm instead learning something from you--from your passion and love for something. We all need to do what makes us happy in life and more importantly ---TAKE CHANCES. Is the reality that a very small percentage of people who go after their dreams actually make it. But imagine a world where nobody tried? Where would we be if Oprah just took what was given to her and never tried to be anything more? What would happen if Justin Bieber never practiced and went after his dreams? Or if Taylor Swift gave up when record producers told her she was too young? This entertainment world was built based on people who refused to be anything but extraordinary. Or maybe your dream is educational: to graduate college and have a professional career or to become a teacher, or a doctor, or a professional athlete....Whatever it is you want to be, if you love something believe in yourself and don't give up on it! Practice it, have discipline, use every outlet you can and try to make it happen. Don't be stupid about it though, make sure you have something to fall back on and be realistic if you just don't have the talent or ability but don't sell yourself short either.
But here is the part I missed, if you have dreams to be in music, TV, movies, Broadway, fashion design, sports, culinary arts etc. and just are missing the talent but still love the industry, find other ways to pursue it. Why not look into studying Communications in college and focus on production or writing? Or get into hospitality or PR. Surrounding the talent, there are so many people and professions that work behind the scenes in these high profile careers. Be one of those individuals and you can still find yourself involved in what you were passionate about. You will be far and above happier than the person that just took the easy, less risky path and settled for the expected rather than the unexpected.
So dare to dream, don't be afraid to pursue what you want to be. Nowadays, there are so many opportunities to go after dreams that were never there for me. Reality TV is a bit of a necessary evil as it has changed the landscape of television but at the same time has opened windows for individuals that were previously closed. American Idol, Top Chef, Project Runway, the Glee Project, X-Factor, America's Next Top Model--they are all about people going after their dreams. You are extraordinary and what you want to be when you grow up can happen--just don't give up on yourself. So go be someone--make a difference and make your dreams come true!
September 25, 1994
Age: 11
Background:
My town had a local Children's Theatre that would put on 2 musicals a year. 5th thru 8th graders could try out. I used to (well hey I still do) love theatre so I tried out for both every year and was in 4 of the productions over the years.
Dear Diary,
Boy time flies by, its been a year since the last time I wrote. I've been writing in my Journal. I'm in the 6th grade now. Ears pierced, boy crazy, and getting friends to like me! I'm definitely on the right track. I made "Annie" as a speaking orphan "July". My sister now in HighSchool is different, she hates me now. She never was like this in gradeschool, I wish she would change. I like Stan Carroll now. I sit next to him in Math, Diagonally from him in english and homeroom and in back of him in Reading and next to him in art. I hope he gets friendlier to me he is soooo cute.
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
So this was a pretty basic entry and I debated as to what to zero in on....your sister(don't worry, she doesn't hate you, sisters will always be there for you so never take that for granted), your crush (never happened). But then I thought back to that time in life and the one thing that made me happier than anything else....being in that play. Oh I was obsessed with that production....for a really long time after it was over. I loved performing and being on stage...I had always loved musicals and Annie was definitely one of my favorites(Sound of Music and Bye Bye Birdie were up there too). I remember singing everywhere, in the shower, up in my room, when no one else was home....ha no wonder my sister "hated" me. I was also constantly putting on productions for family members or my baby brothers if no one else would pay attention. My point is you LOVED singing, dancing, performing---you had dreams to be a STAR!
In all these years since, I have never found something I loved as much as being in those local productions. I am sad to say those dreams died with age and reality sinking in. I didn't have the talent, I was never going to make money going into something like that and thus around HighSchool, I went straight on the scholar route...honors classes, college, business school. Now, I sit behind a desk all day selling 401(k) plans. The only glimpse back to that time of pure bliss is when I get to shake it out at Zumba class, sing at the top of lungs to Adele's "Someone like you"on the radio in my car, or the best--live band karaoke!
Yes, I know that is a slightly depressing reality and I promise this entry has an upside. Instead of me trying to teach something to you, I'm instead learning something from you--from your passion and love for something. We all need to do what makes us happy in life and more importantly ---TAKE CHANCES. Is the reality that a very small percentage of people who go after their dreams actually make it. But imagine a world where nobody tried? Where would we be if Oprah just took what was given to her and never tried to be anything more? What would happen if Justin Bieber never practiced and went after his dreams? Or if Taylor Swift gave up when record producers told her she was too young? This entertainment world was built based on people who refused to be anything but extraordinary. Or maybe your dream is educational: to graduate college and have a professional career or to become a teacher, or a doctor, or a professional athlete....Whatever it is you want to be, if you love something believe in yourself and don't give up on it! Practice it, have discipline, use every outlet you can and try to make it happen. Don't be stupid about it though, make sure you have something to fall back on and be realistic if you just don't have the talent or ability but don't sell yourself short either.
But here is the part I missed, if you have dreams to be in music, TV, movies, Broadway, fashion design, sports, culinary arts etc. and just are missing the talent but still love the industry, find other ways to pursue it. Why not look into studying Communications in college and focus on production or writing? Or get into hospitality or PR. Surrounding the talent, there are so many people and professions that work behind the scenes in these high profile careers. Be one of those individuals and you can still find yourself involved in what you were passionate about. You will be far and above happier than the person that just took the easy, less risky path and settled for the expected rather than the unexpected.
So dare to dream, don't be afraid to pursue what you want to be. Nowadays, there are so many opportunities to go after dreams that were never there for me. Reality TV is a bit of a necessary evil as it has changed the landscape of television but at the same time has opened windows for individuals that were previously closed. American Idol, Top Chef, Project Runway, the Glee Project, X-Factor, America's Next Top Model--they are all about people going after their dreams. You are extraordinary and what you want to be when you grow up can happen--just don't give up on yourself. So go be someone--make a difference and make your dreams come true!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Popular vs. Unpopular
Original Entry Date:
September 20, 1992
Age: 9
Background: Yep, I wrote in this thing back at 9(reflective in the poor writing I'm sure). It is interesting to read the progression of what mattered then and what mattered the older I got.
Dear Diary,
I am in fourth grade now. Today is the last day of summer. The summer went fast. Today I went putt-putt golfing where two boys cheated and we told. It was a lot of fun and lots of people were there. I understand that some people are mean on the outside but have a heart somewhere. Like Sara, she actually said that I could sit next to Patti. I also found out I am not the only girl who doesn't have her ears pierced. Today in the car, Katie was the with her ears pierced.
Love Megs
Dear Megs,
I remember this day and this time in life very clearly. It was a birthday party for Patti and all of the girls in the 4th grade class were invited I believe. (Which was fairly generous given there were 2 classes of about 20 kids each in 4th grade). It amazes me to look back and realize how early on the lines between "popular" and "unpopular" begin to be drawn. I had already put myself in the "unpopular" girl group. "Popular" is a funny concept. One is considered popular when lots of other people like them and I'm pretty sure even when you are labeled popular you don't even know you are. Its even funnier when you realize you want all of these people to like you and want to be your friend but you never really think about how you feel about them and if you really do want to be their friend.
Imagine if we instantly became friends with everyone we encountered in our lives. Wow, just thinking about trying to keep up with that social schedule makes my head spin. No one is meant to have 1,000 "real" friends (not "facebook" friends). So therefore everyone you encounter in your life is not going to be your lifelong friend. And just because they may not want to be your friend, it doesn't make them mean. This girl back then that you called mean wasn't really mean, she just wasn't part of your group of friends and thus ignored you--in your 4th grade mind this translated to mean. I am sure that there were 4th grade girls that you weren't friends with and therefore were not outwardly friendly to that may have thought you were "mean". Do not get me wrong, there are mean girls who purposely try to bring others down and those personalities certainly came out in the years to come.
Basically, I believe the concepts of "popular" vs. "unpopular" should not exist outside of the entertainment world. Unfortunately, it is a very important concept in the teen and pre-teen world. Who determines it though? Is there some higher up who sits in the school attic and with every action you take, you get moved up or down a tier on the popularity list? No, it is all based on our internal perception. If you are deemed "unpopular", are you really or do you just know you aren't one of the popular kids so assume there is no "in-between" so you must be unpopular. It is usually such a small number who are considered popular and then the rest of us are just stuck with the unpopular stigma...how fair is that? So what we have 20 popular kids and then 300 kids who just aren't? I don't think so! Rise above the labels and just start living your life as you. Surround yourself with good friends who make you happy and just be you.
I always think back to those kids who were "popular" back then and what I think of them today. Because no matter how many years removed you are from that time in life, you always think of people in the same way. But you can't, we all move on and grow up and change so so so much. Make your own path, define yourself outside those silly definitions and don't pay attention to them.
I always used to think of myself as 'unpopular". But it always shocks me when I run into someone from my past and as we are talking about those days, they tell me how insecure they were and how they never thought I was unpopular. And I always say the same thing back to them.
So to wrap this up, I really think who defines our popularity is no one but ourselves. We are our toughest critic and we can put ourselves in a category without anyone else every doing it. Don't get me you wrong, you always will encounter those self-admitting folks---those are typically the mean girls. They always considered themselves cool and everyone else was below them. But even deep down, they are doing just because they are as in-secure as the rest of us. (Side story, 2 years or so out of college, I ran into a girl from HS at a late night burrito place. A guy friend I was with thought she was attractive and wanted me to introduce him. So I said hi to her. Her response: "once a loser, always a loser?" Really hun? over 6 years later and you still act like that? Now that is a mean girl!)
I promise, someday the popular labels will go away. Just go be a social butterfly and the only label that will matter in your future is "Happy".
September 20, 1992
Age: 9
Background: Yep, I wrote in this thing back at 9(reflective in the poor writing I'm sure). It is interesting to read the progression of what mattered then and what mattered the older I got.
Dear Diary,
I am in fourth grade now. Today is the last day of summer. The summer went fast. Today I went putt-putt golfing where two boys cheated and we told. It was a lot of fun and lots of people were there. I understand that some people are mean on the outside but have a heart somewhere. Like Sara, she actually said that I could sit next to Patti. I also found out I am not the only girl who doesn't have her ears pierced. Today in the car, Katie was the with her ears pierced.
Love Megs
Dear Megs,
I remember this day and this time in life very clearly. It was a birthday party for Patti and all of the girls in the 4th grade class were invited I believe. (Which was fairly generous given there were 2 classes of about 20 kids each in 4th grade). It amazes me to look back and realize how early on the lines between "popular" and "unpopular" begin to be drawn. I had already put myself in the "unpopular" girl group. "Popular" is a funny concept. One is considered popular when lots of other people like them and I'm pretty sure even when you are labeled popular you don't even know you are. Its even funnier when you realize you want all of these people to like you and want to be your friend but you never really think about how you feel about them and if you really do want to be their friend.
Imagine if we instantly became friends with everyone we encountered in our lives. Wow, just thinking about trying to keep up with that social schedule makes my head spin. No one is meant to have 1,000 "real" friends (not "facebook" friends). So therefore everyone you encounter in your life is not going to be your lifelong friend. And just because they may not want to be your friend, it doesn't make them mean. This girl back then that you called mean wasn't really mean, she just wasn't part of your group of friends and thus ignored you--in your 4th grade mind this translated to mean. I am sure that there were 4th grade girls that you weren't friends with and therefore were not outwardly friendly to that may have thought you were "mean". Do not get me wrong, there are mean girls who purposely try to bring others down and those personalities certainly came out in the years to come.
Basically, I believe the concepts of "popular" vs. "unpopular" should not exist outside of the entertainment world. Unfortunately, it is a very important concept in the teen and pre-teen world. Who determines it though? Is there some higher up who sits in the school attic and with every action you take, you get moved up or down a tier on the popularity list? No, it is all based on our internal perception. If you are deemed "unpopular", are you really or do you just know you aren't one of the popular kids so assume there is no "in-between" so you must be unpopular. It is usually such a small number who are considered popular and then the rest of us are just stuck with the unpopular stigma...how fair is that? So what we have 20 popular kids and then 300 kids who just aren't? I don't think so! Rise above the labels and just start living your life as you. Surround yourself with good friends who make you happy and just be you.
I always think back to those kids who were "popular" back then and what I think of them today. Because no matter how many years removed you are from that time in life, you always think of people in the same way. But you can't, we all move on and grow up and change so so so much. Make your own path, define yourself outside those silly definitions and don't pay attention to them.
I always used to think of myself as 'unpopular". But it always shocks me when I run into someone from my past and as we are talking about those days, they tell me how insecure they were and how they never thought I was unpopular. And I always say the same thing back to them.
So to wrap this up, I really think who defines our popularity is no one but ourselves. We are our toughest critic and we can put ourselves in a category without anyone else every doing it. Don't get me you wrong, you always will encounter those self-admitting folks---those are typically the mean girls. They always considered themselves cool and everyone else was below them. But even deep down, they are doing just because they are as in-secure as the rest of us. (Side story, 2 years or so out of college, I ran into a girl from HS at a late night burrito place. A guy friend I was with thought she was attractive and wanted me to introduce him. So I said hi to her. Her response: "once a loser, always a loser?" Really hun? over 6 years later and you still act like that? Now that is a mean girl!)
I promise, someday the popular labels will go away. Just go be a social butterfly and the only label that will matter in your future is "Happy".
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Perfect Balance of Friends and Love
Original Entry Date:
September 13, 1998
Age: 15
Background:
Follow up to last entry, just trying to have it all-boys, popularity, etc.
Dear Diary,
Hey guess what? another cool weekend! Well on Friday I went to local highschools football game and well two things happened. Remember Cal? He was a jerk so forget him. Well now I met another guy, Dave and I am going to his Highschool's Homecoming with him. Then on Saturday/yesterday, Michelle came over after cross country and we went to my school's football game. That night, Maggie, Katie, & Kristen came over. That was fun so I actually had fun this weekend. I hope this will last though I doubt it. But oh well. Now if only I could get a date to my own Homecoming
Dear Megs,
It is funny how all we want in life is a perfect balance between good friends and love to be happy. As you get older, these two get much harder to balance and you will certainly miss the simplicity of only needing this for your own happiness. Life should be full of fine times with good guys and friends who are always at your side. So with that said, I have good news and bad news. Lets start with bad news: Dave falls by the wayside, you don't go to your Schools Homecoming and Maggie, Katie and Kristen will all turn on you later this year. The good news? In 10 years, you will find the perfect balance of boys and friends that are true and will stick around for good. (or so it seems now as I suppose this story is still being written)
This Diary Entry is a little sparse but based on my memories of this experience, I do have some advice and moments of clarity-take them for what they are worth Dave? Guess what? He didn't dump you. At the time, you were excited to have a boy like you but after spending more time with him at his homecoming, you decided he was absolutely not for you and chose to not continue anything with him. This honestly was your first time probably knowingly breaking a heart. Did you go about it the right way? Absolutely not, that poor boy was not treated very nicely by you at the dance. Lesson? What goes around comes around and you did have a guy(actually quite a few) turn around and treat you equally as bad. So even if you don't like a guy, let him down easy as it isn't nice to have someone you thought was interested in you do a complete 180 and act cruel. No one deserves that. It takes a much bigger person to treat everyone respectfully.
The girls? That was a tough one as I am sure I will write more on later. Back then, you were never part of a group and that hurt so hard because that's all you wanted. All it took to make you happy back then was to be included. But if they were true friends wouldn't they include you regularly? Just sayin. These girls turned on you the moment they could. Today? You are part of a large group and it is plenty of fun. But sadly I do notice we are slow to accept newcomers. This was something those girls had to work on back then and we need to work on today (yep even nearly 30 year olds can be unintentionally standoffish).
This post has been a bit of rambling but here is what I would sum it up as. Anyone in life whether they are young, old, single, dating, married, boy girl, man, woman, etc. --anyone in life simply wants to be loved. Men and Women want attention to be loved and wanted by someone else. Everybody wants to feel like they matter in others lives and that they make a difference. So if you don't want to be with someone, tell them so! if you love someone, tell them and show them! If you notice someone just wanting to belong, give them a chance! I think if we all pay attention to the wants and needs of others around us, we will all live happier lives. The golden rule is very true, treat others how you want to be treated, love others as you love yourself, etc, I could go on but I'll step off my soapbox until next time
Your Older trying to be Wiser Self
September 13, 1998
Age: 15
Background:
Follow up to last entry, just trying to have it all-boys, popularity, etc.
Dear Diary,
Hey guess what? another cool weekend! Well on Friday I went to local highschools football game and well two things happened. Remember Cal? He was a jerk so forget him. Well now I met another guy, Dave and I am going to his Highschool's Homecoming with him. Then on Saturday/yesterday, Michelle came over after cross country and we went to my school's football game. That night, Maggie, Katie, & Kristen came over. That was fun so I actually had fun this weekend. I hope this will last though I doubt it. But oh well. Now if only I could get a date to my own Homecoming
Dear Megs,
It is funny how all we want in life is a perfect balance between good friends and love to be happy. As you get older, these two get much harder to balance and you will certainly miss the simplicity of only needing this for your own happiness. Life should be full of fine times with good guys and friends who are always at your side. So with that said, I have good news and bad news. Lets start with bad news: Dave falls by the wayside, you don't go to your Schools Homecoming and Maggie, Katie and Kristen will all turn on you later this year. The good news? In 10 years, you will find the perfect balance of boys and friends that are true and will stick around for good. (or so it seems now as I suppose this story is still being written)
This Diary Entry is a little sparse but based on my memories of this experience, I do have some advice and moments of clarity-take them for what they are worth Dave? Guess what? He didn't dump you. At the time, you were excited to have a boy like you but after spending more time with him at his homecoming, you decided he was absolutely not for you and chose to not continue anything with him. This honestly was your first time probably knowingly breaking a heart. Did you go about it the right way? Absolutely not, that poor boy was not treated very nicely by you at the dance. Lesson? What goes around comes around and you did have a guy(actually quite a few) turn around and treat you equally as bad. So even if you don't like a guy, let him down easy as it isn't nice to have someone you thought was interested in you do a complete 180 and act cruel. No one deserves that. It takes a much bigger person to treat everyone respectfully.
The girls? That was a tough one as I am sure I will write more on later. Back then, you were never part of a group and that hurt so hard because that's all you wanted. All it took to make you happy back then was to be included. But if they were true friends wouldn't they include you regularly? Just sayin. These girls turned on you the moment they could. Today? You are part of a large group and it is plenty of fun. But sadly I do notice we are slow to accept newcomers. This was something those girls had to work on back then and we need to work on today (yep even nearly 30 year olds can be unintentionally standoffish).
This post has been a bit of rambling but here is what I would sum it up as. Anyone in life whether they are young, old, single, dating, married, boy girl, man, woman, etc. --anyone in life simply wants to be loved. Men and Women want attention to be loved and wanted by someone else. Everybody wants to feel like they matter in others lives and that they make a difference. So if you don't want to be with someone, tell them so! if you love someone, tell them and show them! If you notice someone just wanting to belong, give them a chance! I think if we all pay attention to the wants and needs of others around us, we will all live happier lives. The golden rule is very true, treat others how you want to be treated, love others as you love yourself, etc, I could go on but I'll step off my soapbox until next time
Your Older trying to be Wiser Self
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Love? Hardly
Original Entry Date:
September 7, 1995
Age:15
Background: I worked a little summer job at a pool and met a few kids who went to the local public high school. I continued to hang around them a bit as summer came to end
Dear Diary,
Wow, that's all I have to say about this weekend. Wow! I actually am becoming self confident. I mean this weekend I fell in love, said goodbye & fell back in love. Let me explain. Last weekend at TJs party, I met Pat. Pat liked me but he was moving to New York that Saturday, He was really sweet. Then today at work, Cal came along and he was all about me. I gave him my number and we'll see what happens. But in one weekend, 2 good looking guys decided they liked me and that make me like me. I don't know, I just feel better about myself now. I mean I've always waited around for one guy to like me and now I'm meeting tons and loving it.
Dear Megs,
Remember we discussed not letting attention from boys decide your happiness. Learn to feel good about yourself without needing affirmation from guys and the rest will fall into place. But now here is my other little pickle with this entry. When you have never been in love, of course you crave it like chocolate during that time of the month. But love is a very deep and complex emotion. Be careful about throwing it around when you don't mean it or understand it. We do this a lot though. I LOVE Glee, I love summer, I love italian food, I love Pat and Cal. Let me tell ya, if it wasn't for this little diary entry, I promise you these two guys would be a teeny fragment in your memory if you even would remember them at all. Life is a stream of experiences and there will be lots more boys, some good, some bad. Some will break your heart and some you'll break theirs. Some will be hard to forget and some will be around hardly long enough to matter. Have fun with it and don't take it so seriously. Love will come and it will definitely not be this overwhelming sudden emotion that you've made it to be. It actually is quite gradual. I know the saying "love at first sight" is such a romantic thought. And I'm not saying it isn't possible, But true love, everlasting love is wonderful but gradual. You know being with someone makes you incredibly happy and no matter what, you want to keep spending time with them. Then one day, out of nowhere, you realize you can't live without them and how much they've enriched your life and made it better. Oh Megs, you'll feel love a few times in your life and once or twice it won't be returned and that will stink. But you will find the one that will return it and every day you will fall in love all over again with him. And these fleeting feelings are hardly even blips on your heart monitor of lifetime loves. Cal schamal, Pat blat....don't sweat the small ones, they are simply warmups for the better ones to come. Have fun, its fantastic!
September 7, 1995
Age:15
Background: I worked a little summer job at a pool and met a few kids who went to the local public high school. I continued to hang around them a bit as summer came to end
Dear Diary,
Wow, that's all I have to say about this weekend. Wow! I actually am becoming self confident. I mean this weekend I fell in love, said goodbye & fell back in love. Let me explain. Last weekend at TJs party, I met Pat. Pat liked me but he was moving to New York that Saturday, He was really sweet. Then today at work, Cal came along and he was all about me. I gave him my number and we'll see what happens. But in one weekend, 2 good looking guys decided they liked me and that make me like me. I don't know, I just feel better about myself now. I mean I've always waited around for one guy to like me and now I'm meeting tons and loving it.
Dear Megs,
Remember we discussed not letting attention from boys decide your happiness. Learn to feel good about yourself without needing affirmation from guys and the rest will fall into place. But now here is my other little pickle with this entry. When you have never been in love, of course you crave it like chocolate during that time of the month. But love is a very deep and complex emotion. Be careful about throwing it around when you don't mean it or understand it. We do this a lot though. I LOVE Glee, I love summer, I love italian food, I love Pat and Cal. Let me tell ya, if it wasn't for this little diary entry, I promise you these two guys would be a teeny fragment in your memory if you even would remember them at all. Life is a stream of experiences and there will be lots more boys, some good, some bad. Some will break your heart and some you'll break theirs. Some will be hard to forget and some will be around hardly long enough to matter. Have fun with it and don't take it so seriously. Love will come and it will definitely not be this overwhelming sudden emotion that you've made it to be. It actually is quite gradual. I know the saying "love at first sight" is such a romantic thought. And I'm not saying it isn't possible, But true love, everlasting love is wonderful but gradual. You know being with someone makes you incredibly happy and no matter what, you want to keep spending time with them. Then one day, out of nowhere, you realize you can't live without them and how much they've enriched your life and made it better. Oh Megs, you'll feel love a few times in your life and once or twice it won't be returned and that will stink. But you will find the one that will return it and every day you will fall in love all over again with him. And these fleeting feelings are hardly even blips on your heart monitor of lifetime loves. Cal schamal, Pat blat....don't sweat the small ones, they are simply warmups for the better ones to come. Have fun, its fantastic!
Friday, September 2, 2011
A Postive Additude Will Take You Far....
Original Entry Date:
September 2, 1998
Background:
Short entry but to the point
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Hello, summer's over, it was fun but its over. Now back to reality and back to school. Ok plainly this year is gonna suck and that's all I feel like writing so Bye.
Dear Megs,
Ride your highs! You had a great summer and that is a good thing. I know you were trying to lower your expectations after getting let down when being happy before. I know its a defense mechanism for you and you do it as you had inevitably been disappointed before. But this is never a good attitude to have. Things can be as dark and awful as you can possibly imagine but you must remember to put a smile on your face and look towards tomorrow. It always gets better. I know that is big campaign on youtube right now and so hard to believe when life just seems so bleak. But it does...gradually perhaps but it does. And if you close yourself off to the opportunities of happiness, you will let life pass you by. So enjoy the good moments, keep your head held high and a smile on your face...the sun really does come out tomorrow.
September 2, 1998
Background:
Short entry but to the point
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Hello, summer's over, it was fun but its over. Now back to reality and back to school. Ok plainly this year is gonna suck and that's all I feel like writing so Bye.
Dear Megs,
Ride your highs! You had a great summer and that is a good thing. I know you were trying to lower your expectations after getting let down when being happy before. I know its a defense mechanism for you and you do it as you had inevitably been disappointed before. But this is never a good attitude to have. Things can be as dark and awful as you can possibly imagine but you must remember to put a smile on your face and look towards tomorrow. It always gets better. I know that is big campaign on youtube right now and so hard to believe when life just seems so bleak. But it does...gradually perhaps but it does. And if you close yourself off to the opportunities of happiness, you will let life pass you by. So enjoy the good moments, keep your head held high and a smile on your face...the sun really does come out tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Happiness should Never Depend on a Guy
Diary Entry Background:
I went to a private Highschool outside of town but had wanted to go to the public school in my town. I often met kids at the public school from my grade school friends who went there. Another background tidbit? I was never the type of girls boys took much interest in. It wasn't until age 19 that I had a boyfriend
Original Entry Date:
August 27, 1998
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Wow you know I have never felt this way before and I just don't get it. I mean I love it at my highschool but lately I've been thinking how awesome it'd be to go to the highschool in my town. I mean lately I've been talking to a lot of the people from the other school and they all seem cool. I especially mean the guys there. I might actually I mean I could actually have a boyfriend and a social life at the other school. I mean let's face it, no guy at private school would ever be interested in going out with me. But at public school, Dave, Joe, John all these guys talk to me and I feel like an actual girl who guys are interested in, I like it but I'm not expecting it to last long.
Sincerely,
Megs
Dear Megs,
Self Confidence and True Happiness are a hard thing to come by. It takes years to build and the slightest blow can throw it off track. Being invisible to guys as a teenager is tough...trust me I know! It really slows down that road to self confidence and its unfortunate that the slightest attention from a guy is what builds it up. Depending on reassurance from a guy to build your self-worth is a very, very slippery road to go down.
No man, boy, guy should EVER define who you are. Let me repeat that: NO man, boy, guy should ever define who you are. If you only believe you are beautiful and worthy of love when a man pays attention to you, you will have a very hard time finding happiness. A girl needing attention from a man to feel worthy of love is the root of so many long term relationship problems. Relationships and love are a great experience but it has to be born of mutual love and respect for one another.
We all want to feel beautiful and a Man's love is sure to help us feel that way. But you are beautiful in and out, each of us is and we don't need a man to recognize this for it to be true. You need to believe it yourself first and foremost. Do you know what is the most attractive feature to men? A woman who is confident and comfortable with who she is. If you constantly need attention from a man for reassurance, this is a huge turnoff and the quickest way to get used and dumped to the curb. You've heard men call women desperate and crazy, right? Only feeling happy when a guy is paying attention to you is the quickest way to get this reputation!
5 years ago I met a wonderful guy. At the time, I had been single for a good 3 years and was enjoying that time to learn more about myself as an individual. I didn't want to throw myself into a relationship because I was enjoying that time where I was learning to just be me. However, I knew this guy was a keeper. How did I know? Shortly after we met, I indicated that the most important thing to me is to be fully confident and happy with who I am as an individual before I join my life with someone else. If I can make myself happy, only then can I make someone else happy. He was patient and understood where I was coming from and it actually made him more attracted to me. This is the type of guy you need to find. The one who lets you shine and loves you more for it. Know how to be an individual before you be a couple. This amazing guy is still with me today and that mutual love and respect has made the both of us incredibly happy together.
So what am I trying to say here? Learn to make yourself happy first and foremost. If you depend on a guy to make you happy, true happiness will be hard to come by. Having someone special in your life should only enrich it, not be what defines you. Exude Utter Confidence and Men won't be able to resist your charm! :)
I went to a private Highschool outside of town but had wanted to go to the public school in my town. I often met kids at the public school from my grade school friends who went there. Another background tidbit? I was never the type of girls boys took much interest in. It wasn't until age 19 that I had a boyfriend
Original Entry Date:
August 27, 1998
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Wow you know I have never felt this way before and I just don't get it. I mean I love it at my highschool but lately I've been thinking how awesome it'd be to go to the highschool in my town. I mean lately I've been talking to a lot of the people from the other school and they all seem cool. I especially mean the guys there. I might actually I mean I could actually have a boyfriend and a social life at the other school. I mean let's face it, no guy at private school would ever be interested in going out with me. But at public school, Dave, Joe, John all these guys talk to me and I feel like an actual girl who guys are interested in, I like it but I'm not expecting it to last long.
Sincerely,
Megs
Dear Megs,
Self Confidence and True Happiness are a hard thing to come by. It takes years to build and the slightest blow can throw it off track. Being invisible to guys as a teenager is tough...trust me I know! It really slows down that road to self confidence and its unfortunate that the slightest attention from a guy is what builds it up. Depending on reassurance from a guy to build your self-worth is a very, very slippery road to go down.
No man, boy, guy should EVER define who you are. Let me repeat that: NO man, boy, guy should ever define who you are. If you only believe you are beautiful and worthy of love when a man pays attention to you, you will have a very hard time finding happiness. A girl needing attention from a man to feel worthy of love is the root of so many long term relationship problems. Relationships and love are a great experience but it has to be born of mutual love and respect for one another.
We all want to feel beautiful and a Man's love is sure to help us feel that way. But you are beautiful in and out, each of us is and we don't need a man to recognize this for it to be true. You need to believe it yourself first and foremost. Do you know what is the most attractive feature to men? A woman who is confident and comfortable with who she is. If you constantly need attention from a man for reassurance, this is a huge turnoff and the quickest way to get used and dumped to the curb. You've heard men call women desperate and crazy, right? Only feeling happy when a guy is paying attention to you is the quickest way to get this reputation!
5 years ago I met a wonderful guy. At the time, I had been single for a good 3 years and was enjoying that time to learn more about myself as an individual. I didn't want to throw myself into a relationship because I was enjoying that time where I was learning to just be me. However, I knew this guy was a keeper. How did I know? Shortly after we met, I indicated that the most important thing to me is to be fully confident and happy with who I am as an individual before I join my life with someone else. If I can make myself happy, only then can I make someone else happy. He was patient and understood where I was coming from and it actually made him more attracted to me. This is the type of guy you need to find. The one who lets you shine and loves you more for it. Know how to be an individual before you be a couple. This amazing guy is still with me today and that mutual love and respect has made the both of us incredibly happy together.
So what am I trying to say here? Learn to make yourself happy first and foremost. If you depend on a guy to make you happy, true happiness will be hard to come by. Having someone special in your life should only enrich it, not be what defines you. Exude Utter Confidence and Men won't be able to resist your charm! :)
Cliques, Cliques, Cliques....
Diary Entry Background:
8th grade day with my Friends
Original Entry Date:
August 26, 1996
Age 13
Dear Diary,
Guess What?! I have more wonderful news to tell you, my friends hate me. I don't know what I did. I went to the pool with a bunch of them and they all pretty much ignored me or made fun of me. So I decided to leave early. Then later at night, I went to Maggie's for pizza and they all hid when I got there and then they came out and laughed at me. Gosh they are such immature dorks. Then Grace had her letter to her boyfriend with her and wouldn't let anyone see it except for Tracy (Who for some weird reason was Grace's best friend that night). Then Molly took it out of Grace's hands and tried to read it but Grace just laughed and took it back. I did the exact same thing and she got all mad at me. Yet, she didn't care about the fact that Molly had done the exact same thing!!
Dear Megs,
Sometimes you can have a really big group of friends but still feel incredibly lonely. Girls can be mean and the main reason for any of this is they want to be accepted. This can be tough because if two girls out of a group decide they are mad at you, it can quickly turn into a scenario where everyone is ganging up on you. And typically what caused the one girl to get mad at you, is something very insignificant---like saying you have a crush on a boy that your friend secretly likes. Something little like that and before you know it, everyone has turned against you. It is often so much easier to go along with the group then to go against it and risk being outcasted.
Can I say I am completely innocent and never did the same exact thing to other girls just to be accepted? I wish but definitely not the case. Cliques (which don't necessarily have to be a "popular" group of friends) are a tricky monster. You can have this huge group of friends yet never really feel accepted as you are constantly trying to avoid being the outcast. Looking back, this is not a good thing. These type of friendships typically do not have the foundation to last. In grade school, I went around with maybe 10 girls. Of those girls, I still have relationships with 2girls. Good friends are hard to find but it is always better to have 1 or 2 close friends than 10-15 so called friends that will stab you in the back the second they can.
Looking back, I wish that I had spent more time with those true friends who would last the test of time. I wish that I had stood up to the girls that thought making others feel badly about themselves made them more popular. The fact of the matter is that teenagers will ALWAYS make others feel bad if doing so is the means to acceptance. Its a vicious cycle that is way too difficult to stop. Standing up to those who put others down is so tough but please try. You may lose that friend but trust me, it won't take long for them to turn on you anyways and any friend that puts you down isn't really a friend in the first place.
The funny thing is, you think as we become adults, cliques and putting others down goes away. Truth be told, it doesn't. There will always be those who feel better about themselves by putting other people down. And people will always go along with the group to be accepted. I work with people in their 30s who do this to me on a daily basis and I'm definitely an outsider. But it no longer bothers me, I ignore it nowadays. The difference? I don't let myself get wrapped up in that nonsense. I have a great group of friends and family who accept me for me. I've also learned to be independent and stand on my own two feet. A lot of that comes with confidence in who you are and knowing that type of behavior just isn't you. Know that no matter what you do, people will criticize and judge and nothing you do can change others behavior. But rise above that and treat even those that put you down with respect and kindness and you'll be a happier person in the long run.
8th grade day with my Friends
Original Entry Date:
August 26, 1996
Age 13
Dear Diary,
Guess What?! I have more wonderful news to tell you, my friends hate me. I don't know what I did. I went to the pool with a bunch of them and they all pretty much ignored me or made fun of me. So I decided to leave early. Then later at night, I went to Maggie's for pizza and they all hid when I got there and then they came out and laughed at me. Gosh they are such immature dorks. Then Grace had her letter to her boyfriend with her and wouldn't let anyone see it except for Tracy (Who for some weird reason was Grace's best friend that night). Then Molly took it out of Grace's hands and tried to read it but Grace just laughed and took it back. I did the exact same thing and she got all mad at me. Yet, she didn't care about the fact that Molly had done the exact same thing!!
Dear Megs,
Sometimes you can have a really big group of friends but still feel incredibly lonely. Girls can be mean and the main reason for any of this is they want to be accepted. This can be tough because if two girls out of a group decide they are mad at you, it can quickly turn into a scenario where everyone is ganging up on you. And typically what caused the one girl to get mad at you, is something very insignificant---like saying you have a crush on a boy that your friend secretly likes. Something little like that and before you know it, everyone has turned against you. It is often so much easier to go along with the group then to go against it and risk being outcasted.
Can I say I am completely innocent and never did the same exact thing to other girls just to be accepted? I wish but definitely not the case. Cliques (which don't necessarily have to be a "popular" group of friends) are a tricky monster. You can have this huge group of friends yet never really feel accepted as you are constantly trying to avoid being the outcast. Looking back, this is not a good thing. These type of friendships typically do not have the foundation to last. In grade school, I went around with maybe 10 girls. Of those girls, I still have relationships with 2girls. Good friends are hard to find but it is always better to have 1 or 2 close friends than 10-15 so called friends that will stab you in the back the second they can.
Looking back, I wish that I had spent more time with those true friends who would last the test of time. I wish that I had stood up to the girls that thought making others feel badly about themselves made them more popular. The fact of the matter is that teenagers will ALWAYS make others feel bad if doing so is the means to acceptance. Its a vicious cycle that is way too difficult to stop. Standing up to those who put others down is so tough but please try. You may lose that friend but trust me, it won't take long for them to turn on you anyways and any friend that puts you down isn't really a friend in the first place.
The funny thing is, you think as we become adults, cliques and putting others down goes away. Truth be told, it doesn't. There will always be those who feel better about themselves by putting other people down. And people will always go along with the group to be accepted. I work with people in their 30s who do this to me on a daily basis and I'm definitely an outsider. But it no longer bothers me, I ignore it nowadays. The difference? I don't let myself get wrapped up in that nonsense. I have a great group of friends and family who accept me for me. I've also learned to be independent and stand on my own two feet. A lot of that comes with confidence in who you are and knowing that type of behavior just isn't you. Know that no matter what you do, people will criticize and judge and nothing you do can change others behavior. But rise above that and treat even those that put you down with respect and kindness and you'll be a happier person in the long run.
Dreaming of Cinderella
Diary Entry Background:
The first dance of my 8th Grade Year
Date: August 24, 1996
Age 13
Dear Diary,
I HATE my life! Nothing Ever goes right. I think this 8th grade year is going to be the worst. I just want to go to Highschool and start over. No matter how much I change everybody is going to remember me as the crybaby nerd who's quiet and is ugly and weird because that's what I was. No one even bothers to get to know me or talk to me. Our first dance was tonight and it was the worst one EVER! I felt so lost and out of place like I didn't belong there. Why do I only look pretty and act cool when it doesn't matter? 8th grade hasn't even started yet and already it looks horrible. I can't stand another year with friends who sometimes like me and sometimes don't. I'm never going to be popular or a movie star. I HATE MY LIFE!
Dear Megs,
When it comes to big events, it is hard not to set high expectations. Every movie, every TV show, every book always fantasizes this moment for girls like us. The unpopular awkward girl who just wants to come out of her shell gets all dolled up arrives at the dance, the music stops, everyone stares amazed and astounded that you are the same girl they see at school, the cute boy asks you to dance, all eyes on the two of you...etc. I call it the Cinderella effect. We all want the fairytale and expect life to be like that. Sadly, it doesn't play out that way and so often life fails to meet our fantasized expectations.
I'm sure it sounds crazy, but I really thought my night was going to be just like the movies. I remember I had spent all this time getting ready. I bought this awesome velour shirt (yes it was cool back then), new makeup, did my nails, curled my hair, had my bangs just right...I thought this night could change the course of my 8th grade year. With such high expectations, I was bound to be let down.
You know what? I still do this. I fantasize about certain events and nights (dates, weddings, reunions, parties, etc.). I go and find the perfect outfit and dream about a perfect night. And every time the moment fails to meet my expectations. However, today it isn't as crushing when things don't go my way. I suppose as we grow older we still like to dream and fantasize that our life is like a romantic comedy and we are the star.
But I now know these fantasies are just that, dreams, and life doesn't flow that way. So instead of being let down I just learn to enjoy and live in the moment. You will have soooo much more fun and great things will happen if you just live your life instead of a dreamed up version of what you think it should be. It will never be perfect but that's okay...you can have plenty of fun in an imperfect life. I've made some incredible memories in those years since that dance and I know I have many more to come.
The first dance of my 8th Grade Year
Date: August 24, 1996
Age 13
Dear Diary,
I HATE my life! Nothing Ever goes right. I think this 8th grade year is going to be the worst. I just want to go to Highschool and start over. No matter how much I change everybody is going to remember me as the crybaby nerd who's quiet and is ugly and weird because that's what I was. No one even bothers to get to know me or talk to me. Our first dance was tonight and it was the worst one EVER! I felt so lost and out of place like I didn't belong there. Why do I only look pretty and act cool when it doesn't matter? 8th grade hasn't even started yet and already it looks horrible. I can't stand another year with friends who sometimes like me and sometimes don't. I'm never going to be popular or a movie star. I HATE MY LIFE!
Dear Megs,
When it comes to big events, it is hard not to set high expectations. Every movie, every TV show, every book always fantasizes this moment for girls like us. The unpopular awkward girl who just wants to come out of her shell gets all dolled up arrives at the dance, the music stops, everyone stares amazed and astounded that you are the same girl they see at school, the cute boy asks you to dance, all eyes on the two of you...etc. I call it the Cinderella effect. We all want the fairytale and expect life to be like that. Sadly, it doesn't play out that way and so often life fails to meet our fantasized expectations.
I'm sure it sounds crazy, but I really thought my night was going to be just like the movies. I remember I had spent all this time getting ready. I bought this awesome velour shirt (yes it was cool back then), new makeup, did my nails, curled my hair, had my bangs just right...I thought this night could change the course of my 8th grade year. With such high expectations, I was bound to be let down.
You know what? I still do this. I fantasize about certain events and nights (dates, weddings, reunions, parties, etc.). I go and find the perfect outfit and dream about a perfect night. And every time the moment fails to meet my expectations. However, today it isn't as crushing when things don't go my way. I suppose as we grow older we still like to dream and fantasize that our life is like a romantic comedy and we are the star.
But I now know these fantasies are just that, dreams, and life doesn't flow that way. So instead of being let down I just learn to enjoy and live in the moment. You will have soooo much more fun and great things will happen if you just live your life instead of a dreamed up version of what you think it should be. It will never be perfect but that's okay...you can have plenty of fun in an imperfect life. I've made some incredible memories in those years since that dance and I know I have many more to come.
Monday, June 6, 2011
A Look Into My Past....
I....like most young girls,once kept a diary. It was the old fashioned kind with a lock that didn't really work and the gold leaf pages. I loved that diary, it was my source of venting growing up. Every frustration in my life and who I was went onto those pages. Boys who never looked my way, friends who I was never sure really liked me, all my insecurities were shared with no one but that diary...
Not too long ago, I came across my old diary and found myself intrigued with each entry I read. I wrote in that diary...sometimes religiously and sometimes very rarely....from the ages of 9 to 18...that is a lot of history! Today? I am 28 years old and a far cry from that once insecure girl trying to find her place in the world. The past 10 years gave me a confidence and a life the 13 year old me could only dream of.
Reading the pages of my old diary, I thought of what I would say to that younger version of me...the me who was certain her life would never get better. It made me sad to read how much I hated who I was and how I wanted any life but my own. And I was embarrassed to read how I often treated or put down nice people in an attempt to gain that life.
Then I realized, I am far from the first, the last or the only girl to have a tough time in her teens growing up. In a world of social pressures: beautiful models with perfect everything in the magazines, "teen" lives portrayed on TV shows, social media and the constant ability to compare yourself to others, etc., I believe it must be even harder for teen girls today.
So I decided to share my old diary entries and the struggles I had as a teen and then write my thoughts on those entries, my current life, and the advice I would give the 13 year old version of myself or any other teen girl that might find herself reading this.
I'll try and give some background on the entries and explain what I can...they do jump around quite a bit as I wrote randomly for 9 years. I also will likely change some names as I am sharing a past life but do not want to hurt anyone---or let any of those boys from my past know I had crushes on them :).
Hopefully you enjoy--we will see how this goes :)
Not too long ago, I came across my old diary and found myself intrigued with each entry I read. I wrote in that diary...sometimes religiously and sometimes very rarely....from the ages of 9 to 18...that is a lot of history! Today? I am 28 years old and a far cry from that once insecure girl trying to find her place in the world. The past 10 years gave me a confidence and a life the 13 year old me could only dream of.
Reading the pages of my old diary, I thought of what I would say to that younger version of me...the me who was certain her life would never get better. It made me sad to read how much I hated who I was and how I wanted any life but my own. And I was embarrassed to read how I often treated or put down nice people in an attempt to gain that life.
Then I realized, I am far from the first, the last or the only girl to have a tough time in her teens growing up. In a world of social pressures: beautiful models with perfect everything in the magazines, "teen" lives portrayed on TV shows, social media and the constant ability to compare yourself to others, etc., I believe it must be even harder for teen girls today.
So I decided to share my old diary entries and the struggles I had as a teen and then write my thoughts on those entries, my current life, and the advice I would give the 13 year old version of myself or any other teen girl that might find herself reading this.
I'll try and give some background on the entries and explain what I can...they do jump around quite a bit as I wrote randomly for 9 years. I also will likely change some names as I am sharing a past life but do not want to hurt anyone---or let any of those boys from my past know I had crushes on them :).
Hopefully you enjoy--we will see how this goes :)
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