Original Entry Date:
May 17, 1999
Age: 16
Background: I had just gone to junior prom as a sophomore and had a less than memorable experience. Prom was always a full weekend event and we went to a resort hotel in a nearby vacation location for the weekend after
Dear Diary,
Well prom came and went and that time of having nothing to complain about didn't last long. Well prom was fun but it really lowered my self esteem. The actual dance part was fun but it was the weekend that killed me. As you know, Morgan and Dan are going out and Erin and Matt are supposed to hook up. So of course the whole prom weekend, those four and Tim and Nikki were busy leaving me alone with a bunch of guys who didn't want me around. I concluded that Matt Ryan, Alan, and Jack Kelly thought of me as ugly and did not want me around. Then there were the older junior girls grouping themselves off leaving me alone hating myself. Mark was nice though so I spent time with him and I want to try and set him and Kelly up though cause I know she likes him. Of course I know that will only make me feel alone and ugly and worthless even more so no bad idea!
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
I believe it was said in a prior post but it is worth being repeated, you can be surrounded my people but still be incredibly lonely. You unfortunately became the dreaded "3rd" wheel per see that weekend. You were the sophomore hanging out with the juniors for the weekend. The other sophomore girls had coupled off and spent time with another junior couple leaving you all alone. The junior girls had resented you attending their prom as they felt you took dates that they had wanted and that their guy should have asked girls their own age. And so you were left with the boys for the weekend who were quite nice to let you tag along but you knew quite well they were doing you a favor. Oh gosh, I remember being at the pool and going into the sauna in the women's locker room just to cry. It was a weekend built up in your mind to be so much more than it was and ultimately, you were simply alone.
I do believe one of the worst feelings at any age is feeling like an outsider. No one wants to think they don't belong. Unfortunately, being the outsider is an inevitable experience at some point in your life. There is no rhyme or reason to why it will happen. I am one of the friendliest people you will ever meet and I don't have a mean bone in my body but its happened to me more times than I can count on my fingers. It can be something as simple as being the single one in a group of coupled off friends. Taking an invitation to an event where you may not have your comfort crowd and never getting the right footing in your conversations. Work wise, you could have a higher position than co-workers that sparks jealousy and causes them to find a common enemy in you....jealousy outside of the workplace could be a part of it as well..or maybe the culprit all along is you.
These "lonely" moments as incredibly difficult they are in the moment ultimately build your character and create a sense of independence and eventually confidence you wouldn't have found otherwise. It always hurts deep down inside when you become the outsider but every difficult time we are faced with only strengthens us for harder moments down the road. You have to learn to rely on yourself and still keep smiling and your head held high when you are mostly invisible to everyone else...this builds independence and allows you to not rely on anyone else to determine your happiness. And confidence, when we are an outsider, we may try hard to go outside our comfort zone and reach out to others we may not know well just to have a sense of camaraderie with someone else. Uncomfortable social situations ultimately build confidence allowing us to be able to ease into conversation with practically any stranger.
So you may be saying, so what? All of these characteristics sound great and all but I'm still in this awful situation where it seems like no one notices I'm alive or cares and I'm absolutely miserable. Know that loneliness is always temporary....someone always comes into your life when you need them the most and least expect i. And trust me, even when you are alone, you are NOT alone. There are probably lots of others who feel the exact same way as you do but don't let on how lonely they truly feel. In fact, the people you need may not know how lonely you are. So once again, seek outside of your comfort one and try and get to know others you may have not given a chance before. You will be surprised how amazing and wonderful people can be in your life if you just give them a chance. And its funny, those other people who always made you feel lonely may not be the right people for your life to begin with. The friendships you had with them maybe wouldn't have lasted and the loneliness would have occurred at another point in your life. I must admit, I do tend to be a "glass is half full" type of person and maybe that is because life has shown me that there is always sun that comes after the rain. So don't feel lonely, someone is always thinking of you whether you realize it or not. Your future holds so much and you will meet so many people who will never make you feel alone. So just keep that head held high and know that no one is invisible forever, your day in the sun will come!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Count your Blessings...
Original Entry Date:
April 25, 1999
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Once again it has been an awfully long time since I've written you. Well I have to say I'm pretty happy now. I went to Florida, that was fun. Well then I came back and it was prom time. Of course I'm a sophomore though and I shouldn't quite expect to go but as luck would have it, Aaron Dunne has asked me and I'm going. Morgan and Erin are going as well and it should be quite a lot of fun. I'm excited! And Matt Ryan, this hot senior is going in our group too so YES!!! Well, I know often times I write and I complain but I don't have anything to complain about this time around. Things are going well. Morgan and Kim have become two very good friends and Terri and I hang out sometimes too. And going out with the juniors is a lot of fun. Well, I'm turning 16 in 10 days and of course I'll keep writing to you. Til Then,
Megs
Dear Megs,
It is funny how often we take so much time to complain about events in our lives that we fail to notice how truly blessed we truly are in comparison to so many out there. At this time of your life, you were happy for 3 reasons: You had just gotten back from a wonderful vacation in Florida with your family, you got invited to prom by an older boy, and you seemed to have everything going well with the friends in your life. However, there were so many other wonderful things that you had going on in your life that you often failed to notice and even took for granted. It is easy to caught up in the day to day drama that we don't notice the truly important gifts we are given in our lives that are truly so important.
You have always been quite blessed with your life and even now it is too easy to take some of these gifts for granted. I believe this is because the constants, the people and items you have always had stop being seen as things that you are truly blessed to have.
You have very loving parents who are the perfect picture of two people in love. They have worked hard to give you and your siblings a fantastic life. You've always had a roof over your head, food in your mouth, clothes on your back. Your parents have always wanted nothing but the best for you whether it is through friends, love, opportunity; they have always pushed you to be the best you can be. They have done nothing but supported you in everything you tried to do, showed up to t-ball games, plays, basketball games, swim meets, diving meets, track meets, cross country meets--the list could go on and on. They have taken you on some fantastic trips: going down to Florida every spring, New Jersey every summer and quite a few other fun trips as well along the way! At the time, they taught you the importance to work for what you wanted and you held jobs in High School and College to buy the things you wanted. When you had a very scary accident at age 18, they were there in the hospital scared out of their minds just praying everything would be all right and doing everything they could to be strong for you. This never seemed like much to you because you always had it and thus it became the norm and you spent too much time complaining: they expect too much, they never let me do anything, etc. However, there are many people across the world who have never seen these blessings. This day and age especially, lots of kids grow up with parents who are no longer together. Others have parents who are sick or tragically lost one or both of their parents early. Others have been hit with hard times and they have had to help support their families. No matter how frustrated or angry you can be with your parents for certain things as a teenager, it is so important to realize the good if you have it. There are so many people out there in this world who deal with such larger difficulties than whether the boy you life likes you back. I don't want to trivialize the things that are important to you but I also want to point out that others face so much more every day and never complain about their situation. So don't judge others as you never know what difficulties they are facing or what they have overcome!
Your health and the health of your family and friends is another blessing I feel we often taken for granted. I am one of five kids and somehow we have all made it 3 decades with hardly a health scare.(knock on wood) I read last month about a family who's newborn baby was born with cancer. Born with cancer, how does this happen? A friend's sister lost their daughter at 6 months old. These children were born fighting for their lives but somehow so many of us live every day as though we earned it. Every day in your life is a gift, every day you are healthy is a gift, it is amazing and shocking how quickly something can happen and everything is different. Never take your life or your health for granted. It reminds me of a quote from the graduation speech "wear sunscreen". "The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday". A car accident, a heart attack, a random lump, a freak accident , a fire and everything you knew and took for granted in your life has changed. I hate to be morbid but in just 30 years of life, I've seen it: a friend's Mom, a coworker, a Dad of a family friend, another coworker, classmates....etc. I can not repeat enough, every day in your life is a gift, every breath you take means something and should not be taken for granted. Live every day like it is your last, I know it is said often and may sound cliche, I even admit I don't always do this, but do live every day to the fullest, hug the ones you love, life is tricky and tough breaks happen. And if anyone you know is going through something tough, be there for them. And don't be so quick to judge others as you do not know what they are dealing with.
I had a bit of a wake up call when i was 18. I've alluded to this in a few entries before but this seems like a good entry to elaborate. A freak accident caused me to fracture several vertebrae in my upper spinal cord/ neck area. I was in intensive care for 3 days and had to undergo emergency surgery to remove broken bone fragments and fuse my cord together. I am extremely lucky and I unfortunately can forget this at times. I made a full recovery and even ran the marathon to raise money for spinal cord injury research about 2 and a half years ago, but again I find myself forgetting this very monumental moment in my life more than I should. I look back and realize how close everything was to being very different. I was told if the injury was a little higher, I likely would have been paralyzed for life. No dancing, running, walking ever again. A completely different life. The fact that I made a 100% recovery truly was such a gift that looking back I can't help but be incredibly grateful for.
So dance like no one is watching, laugh often, love fully, and live every day like it is your last. You truly are blessed whether you believe it or not. It is too easy to get caught up in the day to day frustrations we have in life that we forget the biggest gift of them all is in fact our lives. Don't get me wrong, it is easy to complain when things aren't going our way, money is short, people are rude, our hearts are broken but let those moments pass quickly. I will tell you this that I've learned from my accident at age 18: I do not take my life as seriously anymore. This may sound like a bad thing but let me explain. As Ferris Bueller said it best: "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive!" I don't get upset or angry with people in my life for little things. I don't sweat the small stuff, if someone doesn't like me, so be it! I let certain things roll off my back. Oh the waitress forgot I said dressing on the side, is it really that big of a deal? My boyfriend forgot to pick me up that milk that I asked for, where does that rank in the big picture of life? I don't take the little things seriously. There is no reason to. Life is a gift to be enjoyed. Your presence in others lives should make them happy, not frustrated. Be a joy to be around and take joy in all you do. So please, count your blessings, and love the life you've got, its the only one you have!
April 25, 1999
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Once again it has been an awfully long time since I've written you. Well I have to say I'm pretty happy now. I went to Florida, that was fun. Well then I came back and it was prom time. Of course I'm a sophomore though and I shouldn't quite expect to go but as luck would have it, Aaron Dunne has asked me and I'm going. Morgan and Erin are going as well and it should be quite a lot of fun. I'm excited! And Matt Ryan, this hot senior is going in our group too so YES!!! Well, I know often times I write and I complain but I don't have anything to complain about this time around. Things are going well. Morgan and Kim have become two very good friends and Terri and I hang out sometimes too. And going out with the juniors is a lot of fun. Well, I'm turning 16 in 10 days and of course I'll keep writing to you. Til Then,
Megs
Dear Megs,
It is funny how often we take so much time to complain about events in our lives that we fail to notice how truly blessed we truly are in comparison to so many out there. At this time of your life, you were happy for 3 reasons: You had just gotten back from a wonderful vacation in Florida with your family, you got invited to prom by an older boy, and you seemed to have everything going well with the friends in your life. However, there were so many other wonderful things that you had going on in your life that you often failed to notice and even took for granted. It is easy to caught up in the day to day drama that we don't notice the truly important gifts we are given in our lives that are truly so important.
You have always been quite blessed with your life and even now it is too easy to take some of these gifts for granted. I believe this is because the constants, the people and items you have always had stop being seen as things that you are truly blessed to have.
You have very loving parents who are the perfect picture of two people in love. They have worked hard to give you and your siblings a fantastic life. You've always had a roof over your head, food in your mouth, clothes on your back. Your parents have always wanted nothing but the best for you whether it is through friends, love, opportunity; they have always pushed you to be the best you can be. They have done nothing but supported you in everything you tried to do, showed up to t-ball games, plays, basketball games, swim meets, diving meets, track meets, cross country meets--the list could go on and on. They have taken you on some fantastic trips: going down to Florida every spring, New Jersey every summer and quite a few other fun trips as well along the way! At the time, they taught you the importance to work for what you wanted and you held jobs in High School and College to buy the things you wanted. When you had a very scary accident at age 18, they were there in the hospital scared out of their minds just praying everything would be all right and doing everything they could to be strong for you. This never seemed like much to you because you always had it and thus it became the norm and you spent too much time complaining: they expect too much, they never let me do anything, etc. However, there are many people across the world who have never seen these blessings. This day and age especially, lots of kids grow up with parents who are no longer together. Others have parents who are sick or tragically lost one or both of their parents early. Others have been hit with hard times and they have had to help support their families. No matter how frustrated or angry you can be with your parents for certain things as a teenager, it is so important to realize the good if you have it. There are so many people out there in this world who deal with such larger difficulties than whether the boy you life likes you back. I don't want to trivialize the things that are important to you but I also want to point out that others face so much more every day and never complain about their situation. So don't judge others as you never know what difficulties they are facing or what they have overcome!
Your health and the health of your family and friends is another blessing I feel we often taken for granted. I am one of five kids and somehow we have all made it 3 decades with hardly a health scare.(knock on wood) I read last month about a family who's newborn baby was born with cancer. Born with cancer, how does this happen? A friend's sister lost their daughter at 6 months old. These children were born fighting for their lives but somehow so many of us live every day as though we earned it. Every day in your life is a gift, every day you are healthy is a gift, it is amazing and shocking how quickly something can happen and everything is different. Never take your life or your health for granted. It reminds me of a quote from the graduation speech "wear sunscreen". "The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday". A car accident, a heart attack, a random lump, a freak accident , a fire and everything you knew and took for granted in your life has changed. I hate to be morbid but in just 30 years of life, I've seen it: a friend's Mom, a coworker, a Dad of a family friend, another coworker, classmates....etc. I can not repeat enough, every day in your life is a gift, every breath you take means something and should not be taken for granted. Live every day like it is your last, I know it is said often and may sound cliche, I even admit I don't always do this, but do live every day to the fullest, hug the ones you love, life is tricky and tough breaks happen. And if anyone you know is going through something tough, be there for them. And don't be so quick to judge others as you do not know what they are dealing with.
I had a bit of a wake up call when i was 18. I've alluded to this in a few entries before but this seems like a good entry to elaborate. A freak accident caused me to fracture several vertebrae in my upper spinal cord/ neck area. I was in intensive care for 3 days and had to undergo emergency surgery to remove broken bone fragments and fuse my cord together. I am extremely lucky and I unfortunately can forget this at times. I made a full recovery and even ran the marathon to raise money for spinal cord injury research about 2 and a half years ago, but again I find myself forgetting this very monumental moment in my life more than I should. I look back and realize how close everything was to being very different. I was told if the injury was a little higher, I likely would have been paralyzed for life. No dancing, running, walking ever again. A completely different life. The fact that I made a 100% recovery truly was such a gift that looking back I can't help but be incredibly grateful for.
So dance like no one is watching, laugh often, love fully, and live every day like it is your last. You truly are blessed whether you believe it or not. It is too easy to get caught up in the day to day frustrations we have in life that we forget the biggest gift of them all is in fact our lives. Don't get me wrong, it is easy to complain when things aren't going our way, money is short, people are rude, our hearts are broken but let those moments pass quickly. I will tell you this that I've learned from my accident at age 18: I do not take my life as seriously anymore. This may sound like a bad thing but let me explain. As Ferris Bueller said it best: "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive!" I don't get upset or angry with people in my life for little things. I don't sweat the small stuff, if someone doesn't like me, so be it! I let certain things roll off my back. Oh the waitress forgot I said dressing on the side, is it really that big of a deal? My boyfriend forgot to pick me up that milk that I asked for, where does that rank in the big picture of life? I don't take the little things seriously. There is no reason to. Life is a gift to be enjoyed. Your presence in others lives should make them happy, not frustrated. Be a joy to be around and take joy in all you do. So please, count your blessings, and love the life you've got, its the only one you have!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)