One is the Loneliest Number

Original Entry Date:
May 17, 1999
Age: 16
Background: I had just gone to junior prom as a sophomore and had a less than memorable experience.  Prom was always a full weekend event and we went to a resort hotel in a nearby vacation location for the weekend after

Dear Diary,
Well prom came and went and that time of having nothing to complain about didn't last long.  Well prom was fun but it really lowered my self esteem.  The actual dance part was fun but it was the weekend that killed me.  As you know, Morgan and Dan are going out and Erin and Matt are supposed to hook up.  So of course the whole prom weekend, those four and Tim and Nikki were busy leaving me alone with a bunch of guys who didn't want me around.  I concluded that Matt Ryan, Alan, and Jack Kelly thought of me as ugly and did not want me around.  Then there were the older junior girls grouping themselves off leaving me alone hating myself.  Mark was nice though so I spent time with him and I want to try and set him and Kelly up though cause I know she likes him.  Of course I know that will only make me feel alone and ugly and worthless even more so no bad idea!
Love,
Megs


Dear Megs,
I believe it was said in a prior post but it is worth being repeated, you can be surrounded my people but still be incredibly lonely.  You unfortunately became the dreaded "3rd" wheel per see that weekend.  You were the sophomore hanging out with the juniors for the weekend.  The other sophomore girls had coupled off and spent time with another junior couple leaving you all alone.  The junior girls had resented you attending their prom as they felt you took dates that they had wanted and that their guy should have asked girls their own age.  And so you were left with the boys for the weekend who were quite nice to let you tag along but you knew quite well they were doing you a favor.  Oh gosh, I remember being at the pool and going into the sauna in the women's locker room just to cry.  It was a weekend built up in your mind to be so much more than it was and ultimately, you were simply alone.

I do believe one of the worst feelings at any age is feeling like an outsider.  No one wants to think they don't belong.  Unfortunately, being the outsider is an inevitable experience at some point in your life.  There is no rhyme or reason to why it will happen.  I am one of the friendliest people you will ever meet and I don't have a mean bone in my body but its happened to me more times than I can count on my fingers.  It can be something as simple as being the single one in a group of coupled off friends.  Taking an invitation to an event where you may not have your comfort crowd and never getting the right footing in your conversations.  Work wise, you could have a higher position than co-workers that sparks jealousy and causes them to find a common enemy in you....jealousy outside of the workplace could be a part of it as well..or maybe the culprit all along is you.

These "lonely" moments as incredibly difficult they are in the moment ultimately build your character and create a sense of independence and eventually confidence you wouldn't have found otherwise.  It always hurts deep down inside when you become the outsider but every difficult time we are faced with only strengthens us for harder moments down the road.  You have to learn to rely on yourself and still keep smiling and your head held high when you are mostly invisible to everyone else...this builds independence and allows you to not rely on anyone else to determine your happiness.  And confidence, when we are an outsider, we may try hard to go outside our comfort zone and reach out to others we may not know well just to have a sense of camaraderie with someone else.  Uncomfortable social situations ultimately build confidence allowing us to be able to ease into conversation with practically any stranger. 

So you may be saying, so what?  All of these characteristics sound great and all but I'm still in this awful situation where it seems like no one notices I'm alive or cares and I'm absolutely miserable.  Know that loneliness is always temporary....someone always comes into your life when you need them the most and least expect i.  And trust me, even when you are alone, you are NOT alone.  There are probably lots of others who feel the exact same way as you do but don't let on how lonely they truly feel.  In fact, the people you need may not know how lonely you are.  So once again, seek outside of your comfort one and try and get to know others you may have not given a chance before.  You will be surprised how amazing and wonderful people can be in your life if you just give them a chance.  And its funny, those other people who always made you feel lonely may not be the right people for your life to begin with.  The friendships you had with them maybe wouldn't have lasted and the loneliness would have occurred at another point in your life.  I must admit, I do tend to be a "glass is half full" type of person and maybe that is because life has shown me that there is always sun that comes after the rain.  So don't feel lonely, someone is always thinking of you whether you realize it or not.  Your future holds so much and you will meet so many people who will never make you feel alone.  So just keep that head held high and know that no one is invisible forever, your day in the sun will come!