Popular vs. Unpopular

Original Entry Date:
September 20, 1992
Age: 9
Background: Yep, I wrote in this thing back at 9(reflective in the poor writing I'm sure). It is interesting to read the progression of what mattered then and what mattered the older I got.

Dear Diary,
I am in fourth grade now. Today is the last day of summer. The summer went fast. Today I went putt-putt golfing where two boys cheated and we told. It was a lot of fun and lots of people were there. I understand that some people are mean on the outside but have a heart somewhere. Like Sara, she actually said that I could sit next to Patti. I also found out I am not the only girl who doesn't have her ears pierced. Today in the car, Katie was the with her ears pierced.

Love Megs

Dear Megs,
I remember this day and this time in life very clearly. It was a birthday party for Patti and all of the girls in the 4th grade class were invited I believe. (Which was fairly generous given there were 2 classes of about 20 kids each in 4th grade). It amazes me to look back and realize how early on the lines between "popular" and "unpopular" begin to be drawn. I had already put myself in the "unpopular" girl group. "Popular" is a funny concept. One is considered popular when lots of other people like them and I'm pretty sure even when you are labeled popular you don't even know you are. Its even funnier when you realize you want all of these people to like you and want to be your friend but you never really think about how you feel about them and if you really do want to be their friend.

Imagine if we instantly became friends with everyone we encountered in our lives. Wow, just thinking about trying to keep up with that social schedule makes my head spin. No one is meant to have 1,000 "real" friends (not "facebook" friends). So therefore everyone you encounter in your life is not going to be your lifelong friend. And just because they may not want to be your friend, it doesn't make them mean. This girl back then that you called mean wasn't really mean, she just wasn't part of your group of friends and thus ignored you--in your 4th grade mind this translated to mean. I am sure that there were 4th grade girls that you weren't friends with and therefore were not outwardly friendly to that may have thought you were "mean". Do not get me wrong, there are mean girls who purposely try to bring others down and those personalities certainly came out in the years to come.

Basically, I believe the concepts of "popular" vs. "unpopular" should not exist outside of the entertainment world. Unfortunately, it is a very important concept in the teen and pre-teen world. Who determines it though? Is there some higher up who sits in the school attic and with every action you take, you get moved up or down a tier on the popularity list? No, it is all based on our internal perception. If you are deemed "unpopular", are you really or do you just know you aren't one of the popular kids so assume there is no "in-between" so you must be unpopular. It is usually such a small number who are considered popular and then the rest of us are just stuck with the unpopular stigma...how fair is that? So what we have 20 popular kids and then 300 kids who just aren't? I don't think so! Rise above the labels and just start living your life as you. Surround yourself with good friends who make you happy and just be you.

I always think back to those kids who were "popular" back then and what I think of them today. Because no matter how many years removed you are from that time in life, you always think of people in the same way. But you can't, we all move on and grow up and change so so so much. Make your own path, define yourself outside those silly definitions and don't pay attention to them.

I always used to think of myself as 'unpopular". But it always shocks me when I run into someone from my past and as we are talking about those days, they tell me how insecure they were and how they never thought I was unpopular. And I always say the same thing back to them.

So to wrap this up, I really think who defines our popularity is no one but ourselves. We are our toughest critic and we can put ourselves in a category without anyone else every doing it. Don't get me you wrong, you always will encounter those self-admitting folks---those are typically the mean girls. They always considered themselves cool and everyone else was below them. But even deep down, they are doing just because they are as in-secure as the rest of us. (Side story, 2 years or so out of college, I ran into a girl from HS at a late night burrito place. A guy friend I was with thought she was attractive and wanted me to introduce him. So I said hi to her. Her response: "once a loser, always a loser?" Really hun? over 6 years later and you still act like that? Now that is a mean girl!)

I promise, someday the popular labels will go away. Just go be a social butterfly and the only label that will matter in your future is "Happy".