Original Entry Date:
October 5, 1996
Age 13
Background: I had my first "boyfriend" in 6th grade. Two years later, I still wasn't over him
Dear Diary,
Things have gotten better since the last time I wrote. Kelly has been dumped by her friends and has come back to me begging for my friendship. She is totally using me! Oh well, in a way I'm using her. Let me explain. You remember Ty-my first love-I still like him. Kelly knows a girl Ella who knows him so that's right--major set up! The girl Ella agreed to ask him if he likes me and now all I have to do is sit and wait; sounds easy right? Year, sure, whatever. I am so nervous, I like him so much! What if he says yes, what if he says no. You know that if two years have passed and I still like him it must be love!
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
I like you, Do you like me? Check Yes, No, Maybe? Ahh I remember the days when crushes were as simple as this little common "note" girls used to send to boys. I am curious to know how teens today do this with all the technological venues available ...I may be dating myself with this but I grew up in a time before facebook, cellphones and when AOL and "instant messaging"(which is completely archaic now) were just coming out(my parents had yet to buy an account--yep it used to not be free). Basically, if you liked someone, you couldn't befriend him on facebook or have friends text you if they saw him somewhere (I am the first to admit girls can become minor stalkers when they have a crush--oh that was just me? oops nevermind!) When you had a crush on a guy, especially a guy from a different school as this particular boy was, your best hope was to have mutual friends arrange an event you both might be at or just pure old "fate" and running into them somewhere unexpectedly. Oh I remember how I would dream up these scenarios of running into him at the movie theatre or just walking down the street (he lived maybe 2 blocks from me), or at the ice skating rink, or the annual town fair, etc. I would always be disappointed when it didn't happen. I suppose this still slightly happens (though admittedly its more dread then excitement) with ex boyfriends I am not facebook friends with and would never text or call). Funny how it seems when you do run into them, you tend to look your worst--no makeup and sweaty coming from the gym--go figure!
I suppose before going off on too many tangents on this subject I should give a little background on my first "love". Remember the play I was in--he was in it too. His Mom worked on costumes. As mentioned, he went to a different school and lived not too far from me. Oh all the girls in that play had huge crushes on him. He was definitely very cute. Blond, tan, brown eyes, nice smile--the whole kit and caboodle. We had very different parts in the play so I didn't now too much about him as we rarely rehearsed together. But I remember very clearly the moment it all began...his Mom was in charge of one of my costumes and they needed fabric that we had been given to be delivered to her so she could work on it. So Ty and I rode our bikes (mind you we were 11 at the time) to do the exchange...oh in that moment I think I fell in love for the first time. I couldn't stop thinking about him.
But I had plenty of crushes before. Cute boys in classes that I kept my admiration of to myself. But this was definitely not just a first crush. How was it different? Well he liked me back! After opening night of the play, the cast went out for pizza and we were all pressuring him to tell us who he liked (of course all secretly hoping it was us!!) The moment of truth came and drum roll....his crush was me!!! It was then forced out of me that I liked him too and then he asked me to be his girlfriend--oh I was sooo happy and excited!! Ever since I liked boys I had wanted this to happen. The play ran for two weeks and let me tell you, we were inseparable--playing cards during downtime and just hanging out--I even remember he made me friendship bracelets (even at 11 he understood the importance of giving girls jewelry) Of course we never went on any real dates as we were too young(oh I cried for days when I asked my parents if we could and they said no) . Once the play ended, we went our separate ways and I was left to hope to run into him.
Fast forward 2 years and here is the diary entry about how I had never gotten over him. Spoiler alert, nothing did ever happened with us. I remember he went to the local highschool, got a very pretty girlfriend and they dated all throughout...I think even were Homecoming King and Queen. I still pined after him in highschool and would hope to run into him but the extent of our relationship was really two weeks when we were 11...
So why is it these minor relationships stick with us no matter how old we grow. Unlike a lot of other boy from my past, I don't need a diary entry to remember him or that I ever even liked him because it just isn't something you forget. I think it is entirely the whole "first" aspect. We always remember firsts (or we are supposed to---I'm embarrassed to admit I'm not entirely sure I know my first kiss--I guess it was forgettable!)I believe this stuck with me because that age is such a formative time in our lives. We are slowly becoming teenagers and aware of our social surroundings. More importantly, we start to notice boys and develop crushes and sadly enough, this is the time we begin to experience insecurity in our looks and personalities. It is a time when all you want is to fit in and not be invisible, (and more ideally, not be the target of all too common teasing at that age). To have a cute boy like you back just brought so much confidence to myself in a time where I was largely lacking such.
Was it really a first love? Doubtful as we were 11, it was just curiosity and having fun at that age. But I will never forget him nonetheless. He was the first boy to ever notice me back and for a girl who was mostly invisible at school, it was a chance to be someone else outside of the classmates I grew up with. I hope everyone has this experience and meets that boy that for the first time in their lives, makes them feel special. And don't feel badly if it isn't meant to be--they are there to give us something we need at that time (companionship, confidence, happiness etc.) I really do believe in the saying that people come into your life for a reason and that some are meant to be there forever while other are just temporary but leave footprints on your heart and change who you are. Every young girl should experience the joy of a first "love"---it truly is a memory that lasts a lifetime
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Friends are Forever..Men are Fleeting
Original Entry Date:
September 28, 1997
Age: 14
Background:
My first homecoming dance. As mentioned in prior entries, I went to a private highschool. Kids came from surrounding areas but there was a group of 12 of us or so that went to the same grade school. I was good friends with a few of the girls. The actions of this night was the main reason I would pinpoint for the loss of that friendship.
Dear Diary,
Well HighSchool is off to a pretty good start. I went to Homecoming last night. I hated my date but that was ok because there were plenty of other guys there to hang out with. Uh oh there is a slight problem though. Casey Reagan is in love with this guy Mark Conrad. Well guess what happens? I start to like him. I try to tell myself I can't but I do...a lot. Oh boy I don't think he would go out with me but it still would be fun. I danced with him four times last night-Casey was not happy. I think she knows I like him too. That's all for now.
See Ya.
Oh Megs,
This entry makes me so mad and so sad at the same time. It shows such an ugly side to your personality and one which I am glad was not long lived. It also makes me mad because this is such an easy lesson and one which you did repeatedly..in grade school, high school and college. And don't even get me started on you saying you "hated your date"--at one point in your life you just want a date to a dance and when you get one and use such a strong negative word of "hate" to describe a perfectly nice guy who could have eventually turned into a friend---he ended up moving away and is probably married with an adorable baby and a very happy life now---oh I digress..back to the subject
It is the oldest rule in girl code out there....Do not steal a friends boyfriend, do not like a guy that your friend likes...just any guy that has any relation to a friend that may be romantic or that they wish to be romantic---STAY AWAY. How is this the easiest rule to understand but somehow, the one that gets broken the most? There is even a book on this concept (turned into a movie--Something Borrowed) and has been the plot of many a television show 90210(old and new Kelly/Brenda/Dylan Annie/Naomi/Ethan(Season 1)). So clearly it is a far more complex and reoccurring situation than it would seem to be.
Why does such a basic rule seem to get broken over and over again--and why do we struggle so much with following it? Do we not value these friendships enough where all it takes is a cute guy with a great smile to cloud our mind? It just goes to show how weak we ladies can be for someone tall, dark, and handsome...all logical thought goes out the window and we are ready to swoop in and take what someone else has, no matter who it hurts...
So other than the hypnotizing piercing blue eyes and sculpted muscles, how do we let ourselves do this? I think we just try and justify it in our head over and over again and make excuses that make it okay. "Oh she just has a crush on him, she doesn't ever talk to him and he and I have a great connection", or "he may be her boyfriend but she always talks about other guys and they don't seem to be head over heels in love and he is always flirting with me" or "they broke up months ago and she's moved on, it can't be that big of a deal if I go for it." I don't care what the excuses are though..let me tell you from experience,going after a friends crush, ex, or worst of all, boyfriend will ALWAYS end badly.
My first lesson was in another diary entry which I'll get to another time. Then there is the story from this entry. So what happened? Fast Forward 14 years, this guy? Not my type in any way shape or form. He never really grew up and from what I understand is very artsy, hippy--perfect match for some girl but not me. I go for the more clean cut, boy next store types as that is just me. And the girl? that dance was pretty much one of the last times we were friends..we tried to make it work past that but I am pretty certain she lost all respect for me after that night. And this was a friend I had since I was 6 or 7....so huge mistake. Second lesson? College. There was this guy from my hometown that one of my friends had a huge crush on. They didn't really talk and it was clear nothing was going to happen. So I didn't think she would care when one night out, we ended up making out in a bar. Oh let me tell you the fallout the next morning was ugly. My friend and another girlfriend of ours(it was actually senior year of college and we all lived in a house together) were furious with me, there was yelling, screaming, crying...and it took all parties a while to get past. This was the last time I needed to learn this lesson as I couldn't ever do this again after that experience and I didn't. And these girls who I screamed it out with are thankfully still 2 of my closest friends as they thankfully did forgive me but not all friends are like this. Oh and nothing ever amounted with this guy (trust me it rarely, rarely does) which is why it is NEVER worth it.
And I'm not the only one that has done it--post college? My old roommate had a crush on the neighbor of another group of our girlfriends--and so did one of the girls that lived next door to him. My roommate went for it knowing perfectly well the other girl was hoping he would like her as more than a friend. More yelling, fighting, name calling, not speaking for a while---all over a boy. They worked it out and the guy ended up being a major jerk and not the catch we all worked him up to be. A few years later, it happened again. This time, a friend of mine dated a guy in college who lived in another state. They broke up and he came to visit. When he was in town, something happened with her best friend and him. The best friend moved away a few years later and only after she moved did we all discover what had happened. This relationship was never recovered---and once again nothing good comes of of this, And in the the stories, nothing, I repeat absolutely nothing, has ever came to be with the guys in these situations.
So to wrap it up--what can I tell you on this tricky subject? Just don't do it--resist and know from someone who has been there, IT DOESN'T WORK. You'll either have an awful argument with a great friend or worse, lose them forever for a guy who will mean absolutely nothing to you in a few years. I don't care how "meant to be" you think you two are--trust me, there are hundreds of guys that will cross your path over the years--if the guy you are meant to be with for the rest of your life is somehow involved with your friend at the time you meet him, let it be. If it is truly meant to be, he will be back in your life at a time when it is more appropriate and no one will get hurt. If you have to hurt someone else to be with a guy, he isn't the one for you anyways. Good girlfriends are a dime a dozen while there are a million fish in the sea...don't sacrifice a friendship for a guy--just don't it is never worth the risk of losing them forever.
Oh and if you ever find yourself on the other side of this, where a friend has gone after an ex, crush, or boyfriend of yours--know you have every right to be furious with them. They were certainly in the wrong in doing this. However, know that everyone makes mistakes and if you can find it in your heart to forgive them try. That boy that you two are fighting over will probably be in neither of your lives 14 years from now but only you two can find a way to work out and be sure you are still in each others.
Til Next Time,
Megs
September 28, 1997
Age: 14
Background:
My first homecoming dance. As mentioned in prior entries, I went to a private highschool. Kids came from surrounding areas but there was a group of 12 of us or so that went to the same grade school. I was good friends with a few of the girls. The actions of this night was the main reason I would pinpoint for the loss of that friendship.
Dear Diary,
Well HighSchool is off to a pretty good start. I went to Homecoming last night. I hated my date but that was ok because there were plenty of other guys there to hang out with. Uh oh there is a slight problem though. Casey Reagan is in love with this guy Mark Conrad. Well guess what happens? I start to like him. I try to tell myself I can't but I do...a lot. Oh boy I don't think he would go out with me but it still would be fun. I danced with him four times last night-Casey was not happy. I think she knows I like him too. That's all for now.
See Ya.
Oh Megs,
This entry makes me so mad and so sad at the same time. It shows such an ugly side to your personality and one which I am glad was not long lived. It also makes me mad because this is such an easy lesson and one which you did repeatedly..in grade school, high school and college. And don't even get me started on you saying you "hated your date"--at one point in your life you just want a date to a dance and when you get one and use such a strong negative word of "hate" to describe a perfectly nice guy who could have eventually turned into a friend---he ended up moving away and is probably married with an adorable baby and a very happy life now---oh I digress..back to the subject
It is the oldest rule in girl code out there....Do not steal a friends boyfriend, do not like a guy that your friend likes...just any guy that has any relation to a friend that may be romantic or that they wish to be romantic---STAY AWAY. How is this the easiest rule to understand but somehow, the one that gets broken the most? There is even a book on this concept (turned into a movie--Something Borrowed) and has been the plot of many a television show 90210(old and new Kelly/Brenda/Dylan Annie/Naomi/Ethan(Season 1)). So clearly it is a far more complex and reoccurring situation than it would seem to be.
Why does such a basic rule seem to get broken over and over again--and why do we struggle so much with following it? Do we not value these friendships enough where all it takes is a cute guy with a great smile to cloud our mind? It just goes to show how weak we ladies can be for someone tall, dark, and handsome...all logical thought goes out the window and we are ready to swoop in and take what someone else has, no matter who it hurts...
So other than the hypnotizing piercing blue eyes and sculpted muscles, how do we let ourselves do this? I think we just try and justify it in our head over and over again and make excuses that make it okay. "Oh she just has a crush on him, she doesn't ever talk to him and he and I have a great connection", or "he may be her boyfriend but she always talks about other guys and they don't seem to be head over heels in love and he is always flirting with me" or "they broke up months ago and she's moved on, it can't be that big of a deal if I go for it." I don't care what the excuses are though..let me tell you from experience,going after a friends crush, ex, or worst of all, boyfriend will ALWAYS end badly.
My first lesson was in another diary entry which I'll get to another time. Then there is the story from this entry. So what happened? Fast Forward 14 years, this guy? Not my type in any way shape or form. He never really grew up and from what I understand is very artsy, hippy--perfect match for some girl but not me. I go for the more clean cut, boy next store types as that is just me. And the girl? that dance was pretty much one of the last times we were friends..we tried to make it work past that but I am pretty certain she lost all respect for me after that night. And this was a friend I had since I was 6 or 7....so huge mistake. Second lesson? College. There was this guy from my hometown that one of my friends had a huge crush on. They didn't really talk and it was clear nothing was going to happen. So I didn't think she would care when one night out, we ended up making out in a bar. Oh let me tell you the fallout the next morning was ugly. My friend and another girlfriend of ours(it was actually senior year of college and we all lived in a house together) were furious with me, there was yelling, screaming, crying...and it took all parties a while to get past. This was the last time I needed to learn this lesson as I couldn't ever do this again after that experience and I didn't. And these girls who I screamed it out with are thankfully still 2 of my closest friends as they thankfully did forgive me but not all friends are like this. Oh and nothing ever amounted with this guy (trust me it rarely, rarely does) which is why it is NEVER worth it.
And I'm not the only one that has done it--post college? My old roommate had a crush on the neighbor of another group of our girlfriends--and so did one of the girls that lived next door to him. My roommate went for it knowing perfectly well the other girl was hoping he would like her as more than a friend. More yelling, fighting, name calling, not speaking for a while---all over a boy. They worked it out and the guy ended up being a major jerk and not the catch we all worked him up to be. A few years later, it happened again. This time, a friend of mine dated a guy in college who lived in another state. They broke up and he came to visit. When he was in town, something happened with her best friend and him. The best friend moved away a few years later and only after she moved did we all discover what had happened. This relationship was never recovered---and once again nothing good comes of of this, And in the the stories, nothing, I repeat absolutely nothing, has ever came to be with the guys in these situations.
So to wrap it up--what can I tell you on this tricky subject? Just don't do it--resist and know from someone who has been there, IT DOESN'T WORK. You'll either have an awful argument with a great friend or worse, lose them forever for a guy who will mean absolutely nothing to you in a few years. I don't care how "meant to be" you think you two are--trust me, there are hundreds of guys that will cross your path over the years--if the guy you are meant to be with for the rest of your life is somehow involved with your friend at the time you meet him, let it be. If it is truly meant to be, he will be back in your life at a time when it is more appropriate and no one will get hurt. If you have to hurt someone else to be with a guy, he isn't the one for you anyways. Good girlfriends are a dime a dozen while there are a million fish in the sea...don't sacrifice a friendship for a guy--just don't it is never worth the risk of losing them forever.
Oh and if you ever find yourself on the other side of this, where a friend has gone after an ex, crush, or boyfriend of yours--know you have every right to be furious with them. They were certainly in the wrong in doing this. However, know that everyone makes mistakes and if you can find it in your heart to forgive them try. That boy that you two are fighting over will probably be in neither of your lives 14 years from now but only you two can find a way to work out and be sure you are still in each others.
Til Next Time,
Megs
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