Original Entry Date:
September 25, 1994
Age: 11
Background:
My town had a local Children's Theatre that would put on 2 musicals a year. 5th thru 8th graders could try out. I used to (well hey I still do) love theatre so I tried out for both every year and was in 4 of the productions over the years.
Dear Diary,
Boy time flies by, its been a year since the last time I wrote. I've been writing in my Journal. I'm in the 6th grade now. Ears pierced, boy crazy, and getting friends to like me! I'm definitely on the right track. I made "Annie" as a speaking orphan "July". My sister now in HighSchool is different, she hates me now. She never was like this in gradeschool, I wish she would change. I like Stan Carroll now. I sit next to him in Math, Diagonally from him in english and homeroom and in back of him in Reading and next to him in art. I hope he gets friendlier to me he is soooo cute.
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
So this was a pretty basic entry and I debated as to what to zero in on....your sister(don't worry, she doesn't hate you, sisters will always be there for you so never take that for granted), your crush (never happened). But then I thought back to that time in life and the one thing that made me happier than anything else....being in that play. Oh I was obsessed with that production....for a really long time after it was over. I loved performing and being on stage...I had always loved musicals and Annie was definitely one of my favorites(Sound of Music and Bye Bye Birdie were up there too). I remember singing everywhere, in the shower, up in my room, when no one else was home....ha no wonder my sister "hated" me. I was also constantly putting on productions for family members or my baby brothers if no one else would pay attention. My point is you LOVED singing, dancing, performing---you had dreams to be a STAR!
In all these years since, I have never found something I loved as much as being in those local productions. I am sad to say those dreams died with age and reality sinking in. I didn't have the talent, I was never going to make money going into something like that and thus around HighSchool, I went straight on the scholar route...honors classes, college, business school. Now, I sit behind a desk all day selling 401(k) plans. The only glimpse back to that time of pure bliss is when I get to shake it out at Zumba class, sing at the top of lungs to Adele's "Someone like you"on the radio in my car, or the best--live band karaoke!
Yes, I know that is a slightly depressing reality and I promise this entry has an upside. Instead of me trying to teach something to you, I'm instead learning something from you--from your passion and love for something. We all need to do what makes us happy in life and more importantly ---TAKE CHANCES. Is the reality that a very small percentage of people who go after their dreams actually make it. But imagine a world where nobody tried? Where would we be if Oprah just took what was given to her and never tried to be anything more? What would happen if Justin Bieber never practiced and went after his dreams? Or if Taylor Swift gave up when record producers told her she was too young? This entertainment world was built based on people who refused to be anything but extraordinary. Or maybe your dream is educational: to graduate college and have a professional career or to become a teacher, or a doctor, or a professional athlete....Whatever it is you want to be, if you love something believe in yourself and don't give up on it! Practice it, have discipline, use every outlet you can and try to make it happen. Don't be stupid about it though, make sure you have something to fall back on and be realistic if you just don't have the talent or ability but don't sell yourself short either.
But here is the part I missed, if you have dreams to be in music, TV, movies, Broadway, fashion design, sports, culinary arts etc. and just are missing the talent but still love the industry, find other ways to pursue it. Why not look into studying Communications in college and focus on production or writing? Or get into hospitality or PR. Surrounding the talent, there are so many people and professions that work behind the scenes in these high profile careers. Be one of those individuals and you can still find yourself involved in what you were passionate about. You will be far and above happier than the person that just took the easy, less risky path and settled for the expected rather than the unexpected.
So dare to dream, don't be afraid to pursue what you want to be. Nowadays, there are so many opportunities to go after dreams that were never there for me. Reality TV is a bit of a necessary evil as it has changed the landscape of television but at the same time has opened windows for individuals that were previously closed. American Idol, Top Chef, Project Runway, the Glee Project, X-Factor, America's Next Top Model--they are all about people going after their dreams. You are extraordinary and what you want to be when you grow up can happen--just don't give up on yourself. So go be someone--make a difference and make your dreams come true!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Popular vs. Unpopular
Original Entry Date:
September 20, 1992
Age: 9
Background: Yep, I wrote in this thing back at 9(reflective in the poor writing I'm sure). It is interesting to read the progression of what mattered then and what mattered the older I got.
Dear Diary,
I am in fourth grade now. Today is the last day of summer. The summer went fast. Today I went putt-putt golfing where two boys cheated and we told. It was a lot of fun and lots of people were there. I understand that some people are mean on the outside but have a heart somewhere. Like Sara, she actually said that I could sit next to Patti. I also found out I am not the only girl who doesn't have her ears pierced. Today in the car, Katie was the with her ears pierced.
Love Megs
Dear Megs,
I remember this day and this time in life very clearly. It was a birthday party for Patti and all of the girls in the 4th grade class were invited I believe. (Which was fairly generous given there were 2 classes of about 20 kids each in 4th grade). It amazes me to look back and realize how early on the lines between "popular" and "unpopular" begin to be drawn. I had already put myself in the "unpopular" girl group. "Popular" is a funny concept. One is considered popular when lots of other people like them and I'm pretty sure even when you are labeled popular you don't even know you are. Its even funnier when you realize you want all of these people to like you and want to be your friend but you never really think about how you feel about them and if you really do want to be their friend.
Imagine if we instantly became friends with everyone we encountered in our lives. Wow, just thinking about trying to keep up with that social schedule makes my head spin. No one is meant to have 1,000 "real" friends (not "facebook" friends). So therefore everyone you encounter in your life is not going to be your lifelong friend. And just because they may not want to be your friend, it doesn't make them mean. This girl back then that you called mean wasn't really mean, she just wasn't part of your group of friends and thus ignored you--in your 4th grade mind this translated to mean. I am sure that there were 4th grade girls that you weren't friends with and therefore were not outwardly friendly to that may have thought you were "mean". Do not get me wrong, there are mean girls who purposely try to bring others down and those personalities certainly came out in the years to come.
Basically, I believe the concepts of "popular" vs. "unpopular" should not exist outside of the entertainment world. Unfortunately, it is a very important concept in the teen and pre-teen world. Who determines it though? Is there some higher up who sits in the school attic and with every action you take, you get moved up or down a tier on the popularity list? No, it is all based on our internal perception. If you are deemed "unpopular", are you really or do you just know you aren't one of the popular kids so assume there is no "in-between" so you must be unpopular. It is usually such a small number who are considered popular and then the rest of us are just stuck with the unpopular stigma...how fair is that? So what we have 20 popular kids and then 300 kids who just aren't? I don't think so! Rise above the labels and just start living your life as you. Surround yourself with good friends who make you happy and just be you.
I always think back to those kids who were "popular" back then and what I think of them today. Because no matter how many years removed you are from that time in life, you always think of people in the same way. But you can't, we all move on and grow up and change so so so much. Make your own path, define yourself outside those silly definitions and don't pay attention to them.
I always used to think of myself as 'unpopular". But it always shocks me when I run into someone from my past and as we are talking about those days, they tell me how insecure they were and how they never thought I was unpopular. And I always say the same thing back to them.
So to wrap this up, I really think who defines our popularity is no one but ourselves. We are our toughest critic and we can put ourselves in a category without anyone else every doing it. Don't get me you wrong, you always will encounter those self-admitting folks---those are typically the mean girls. They always considered themselves cool and everyone else was below them. But even deep down, they are doing just because they are as in-secure as the rest of us. (Side story, 2 years or so out of college, I ran into a girl from HS at a late night burrito place. A guy friend I was with thought she was attractive and wanted me to introduce him. So I said hi to her. Her response: "once a loser, always a loser?" Really hun? over 6 years later and you still act like that? Now that is a mean girl!)
I promise, someday the popular labels will go away. Just go be a social butterfly and the only label that will matter in your future is "Happy".
September 20, 1992
Age: 9
Background: Yep, I wrote in this thing back at 9(reflective in the poor writing I'm sure). It is interesting to read the progression of what mattered then and what mattered the older I got.
Dear Diary,
I am in fourth grade now. Today is the last day of summer. The summer went fast. Today I went putt-putt golfing where two boys cheated and we told. It was a lot of fun and lots of people were there. I understand that some people are mean on the outside but have a heart somewhere. Like Sara, she actually said that I could sit next to Patti. I also found out I am not the only girl who doesn't have her ears pierced. Today in the car, Katie was the with her ears pierced.
Love Megs
Dear Megs,
I remember this day and this time in life very clearly. It was a birthday party for Patti and all of the girls in the 4th grade class were invited I believe. (Which was fairly generous given there were 2 classes of about 20 kids each in 4th grade). It amazes me to look back and realize how early on the lines between "popular" and "unpopular" begin to be drawn. I had already put myself in the "unpopular" girl group. "Popular" is a funny concept. One is considered popular when lots of other people like them and I'm pretty sure even when you are labeled popular you don't even know you are. Its even funnier when you realize you want all of these people to like you and want to be your friend but you never really think about how you feel about them and if you really do want to be their friend.
Imagine if we instantly became friends with everyone we encountered in our lives. Wow, just thinking about trying to keep up with that social schedule makes my head spin. No one is meant to have 1,000 "real" friends (not "facebook" friends). So therefore everyone you encounter in your life is not going to be your lifelong friend. And just because they may not want to be your friend, it doesn't make them mean. This girl back then that you called mean wasn't really mean, she just wasn't part of your group of friends and thus ignored you--in your 4th grade mind this translated to mean. I am sure that there were 4th grade girls that you weren't friends with and therefore were not outwardly friendly to that may have thought you were "mean". Do not get me wrong, there are mean girls who purposely try to bring others down and those personalities certainly came out in the years to come.
Basically, I believe the concepts of "popular" vs. "unpopular" should not exist outside of the entertainment world. Unfortunately, it is a very important concept in the teen and pre-teen world. Who determines it though? Is there some higher up who sits in the school attic and with every action you take, you get moved up or down a tier on the popularity list? No, it is all based on our internal perception. If you are deemed "unpopular", are you really or do you just know you aren't one of the popular kids so assume there is no "in-between" so you must be unpopular. It is usually such a small number who are considered popular and then the rest of us are just stuck with the unpopular stigma...how fair is that? So what we have 20 popular kids and then 300 kids who just aren't? I don't think so! Rise above the labels and just start living your life as you. Surround yourself with good friends who make you happy and just be you.
I always think back to those kids who were "popular" back then and what I think of them today. Because no matter how many years removed you are from that time in life, you always think of people in the same way. But you can't, we all move on and grow up and change so so so much. Make your own path, define yourself outside those silly definitions and don't pay attention to them.
I always used to think of myself as 'unpopular". But it always shocks me when I run into someone from my past and as we are talking about those days, they tell me how insecure they were and how they never thought I was unpopular. And I always say the same thing back to them.
So to wrap this up, I really think who defines our popularity is no one but ourselves. We are our toughest critic and we can put ourselves in a category without anyone else every doing it. Don't get me you wrong, you always will encounter those self-admitting folks---those are typically the mean girls. They always considered themselves cool and everyone else was below them. But even deep down, they are doing just because they are as in-secure as the rest of us. (Side story, 2 years or so out of college, I ran into a girl from HS at a late night burrito place. A guy friend I was with thought she was attractive and wanted me to introduce him. So I said hi to her. Her response: "once a loser, always a loser?" Really hun? over 6 years later and you still act like that? Now that is a mean girl!)
I promise, someday the popular labels will go away. Just go be a social butterfly and the only label that will matter in your future is "Happy".
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Perfect Balance of Friends and Love
Original Entry Date:
September 13, 1998
Age: 15
Background:
Follow up to last entry, just trying to have it all-boys, popularity, etc.
Dear Diary,
Hey guess what? another cool weekend! Well on Friday I went to local highschools football game and well two things happened. Remember Cal? He was a jerk so forget him. Well now I met another guy, Dave and I am going to his Highschool's Homecoming with him. Then on Saturday/yesterday, Michelle came over after cross country and we went to my school's football game. That night, Maggie, Katie, & Kristen came over. That was fun so I actually had fun this weekend. I hope this will last though I doubt it. But oh well. Now if only I could get a date to my own Homecoming
Dear Megs,
It is funny how all we want in life is a perfect balance between good friends and love to be happy. As you get older, these two get much harder to balance and you will certainly miss the simplicity of only needing this for your own happiness. Life should be full of fine times with good guys and friends who are always at your side. So with that said, I have good news and bad news. Lets start with bad news: Dave falls by the wayside, you don't go to your Schools Homecoming and Maggie, Katie and Kristen will all turn on you later this year. The good news? In 10 years, you will find the perfect balance of boys and friends that are true and will stick around for good. (or so it seems now as I suppose this story is still being written)
This Diary Entry is a little sparse but based on my memories of this experience, I do have some advice and moments of clarity-take them for what they are worth Dave? Guess what? He didn't dump you. At the time, you were excited to have a boy like you but after spending more time with him at his homecoming, you decided he was absolutely not for you and chose to not continue anything with him. This honestly was your first time probably knowingly breaking a heart. Did you go about it the right way? Absolutely not, that poor boy was not treated very nicely by you at the dance. Lesson? What goes around comes around and you did have a guy(actually quite a few) turn around and treat you equally as bad. So even if you don't like a guy, let him down easy as it isn't nice to have someone you thought was interested in you do a complete 180 and act cruel. No one deserves that. It takes a much bigger person to treat everyone respectfully.
The girls? That was a tough one as I am sure I will write more on later. Back then, you were never part of a group and that hurt so hard because that's all you wanted. All it took to make you happy back then was to be included. But if they were true friends wouldn't they include you regularly? Just sayin. These girls turned on you the moment they could. Today? You are part of a large group and it is plenty of fun. But sadly I do notice we are slow to accept newcomers. This was something those girls had to work on back then and we need to work on today (yep even nearly 30 year olds can be unintentionally standoffish).
This post has been a bit of rambling but here is what I would sum it up as. Anyone in life whether they are young, old, single, dating, married, boy girl, man, woman, etc. --anyone in life simply wants to be loved. Men and Women want attention to be loved and wanted by someone else. Everybody wants to feel like they matter in others lives and that they make a difference. So if you don't want to be with someone, tell them so! if you love someone, tell them and show them! If you notice someone just wanting to belong, give them a chance! I think if we all pay attention to the wants and needs of others around us, we will all live happier lives. The golden rule is very true, treat others how you want to be treated, love others as you love yourself, etc, I could go on but I'll step off my soapbox until next time
Your Older trying to be Wiser Self
September 13, 1998
Age: 15
Background:
Follow up to last entry, just trying to have it all-boys, popularity, etc.
Dear Diary,
Hey guess what? another cool weekend! Well on Friday I went to local highschools football game and well two things happened. Remember Cal? He was a jerk so forget him. Well now I met another guy, Dave and I am going to his Highschool's Homecoming with him. Then on Saturday/yesterday, Michelle came over after cross country and we went to my school's football game. That night, Maggie, Katie, & Kristen came over. That was fun so I actually had fun this weekend. I hope this will last though I doubt it. But oh well. Now if only I could get a date to my own Homecoming
Dear Megs,
It is funny how all we want in life is a perfect balance between good friends and love to be happy. As you get older, these two get much harder to balance and you will certainly miss the simplicity of only needing this for your own happiness. Life should be full of fine times with good guys and friends who are always at your side. So with that said, I have good news and bad news. Lets start with bad news: Dave falls by the wayside, you don't go to your Schools Homecoming and Maggie, Katie and Kristen will all turn on you later this year. The good news? In 10 years, you will find the perfect balance of boys and friends that are true and will stick around for good. (or so it seems now as I suppose this story is still being written)
This Diary Entry is a little sparse but based on my memories of this experience, I do have some advice and moments of clarity-take them for what they are worth Dave? Guess what? He didn't dump you. At the time, you were excited to have a boy like you but after spending more time with him at his homecoming, you decided he was absolutely not for you and chose to not continue anything with him. This honestly was your first time probably knowingly breaking a heart. Did you go about it the right way? Absolutely not, that poor boy was not treated very nicely by you at the dance. Lesson? What goes around comes around and you did have a guy(actually quite a few) turn around and treat you equally as bad. So even if you don't like a guy, let him down easy as it isn't nice to have someone you thought was interested in you do a complete 180 and act cruel. No one deserves that. It takes a much bigger person to treat everyone respectfully.
The girls? That was a tough one as I am sure I will write more on later. Back then, you were never part of a group and that hurt so hard because that's all you wanted. All it took to make you happy back then was to be included. But if they were true friends wouldn't they include you regularly? Just sayin. These girls turned on you the moment they could. Today? You are part of a large group and it is plenty of fun. But sadly I do notice we are slow to accept newcomers. This was something those girls had to work on back then and we need to work on today (yep even nearly 30 year olds can be unintentionally standoffish).
This post has been a bit of rambling but here is what I would sum it up as. Anyone in life whether they are young, old, single, dating, married, boy girl, man, woman, etc. --anyone in life simply wants to be loved. Men and Women want attention to be loved and wanted by someone else. Everybody wants to feel like they matter in others lives and that they make a difference. So if you don't want to be with someone, tell them so! if you love someone, tell them and show them! If you notice someone just wanting to belong, give them a chance! I think if we all pay attention to the wants and needs of others around us, we will all live happier lives. The golden rule is very true, treat others how you want to be treated, love others as you love yourself, etc, I could go on but I'll step off my soapbox until next time
Your Older trying to be Wiser Self
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Love? Hardly
Original Entry Date:
September 7, 1995
Age:15
Background: I worked a little summer job at a pool and met a few kids who went to the local public high school. I continued to hang around them a bit as summer came to end
Dear Diary,
Wow, that's all I have to say about this weekend. Wow! I actually am becoming self confident. I mean this weekend I fell in love, said goodbye & fell back in love. Let me explain. Last weekend at TJs party, I met Pat. Pat liked me but he was moving to New York that Saturday, He was really sweet. Then today at work, Cal came along and he was all about me. I gave him my number and we'll see what happens. But in one weekend, 2 good looking guys decided they liked me and that make me like me. I don't know, I just feel better about myself now. I mean I've always waited around for one guy to like me and now I'm meeting tons and loving it.
Dear Megs,
Remember we discussed not letting attention from boys decide your happiness. Learn to feel good about yourself without needing affirmation from guys and the rest will fall into place. But now here is my other little pickle with this entry. When you have never been in love, of course you crave it like chocolate during that time of the month. But love is a very deep and complex emotion. Be careful about throwing it around when you don't mean it or understand it. We do this a lot though. I LOVE Glee, I love summer, I love italian food, I love Pat and Cal. Let me tell ya, if it wasn't for this little diary entry, I promise you these two guys would be a teeny fragment in your memory if you even would remember them at all. Life is a stream of experiences and there will be lots more boys, some good, some bad. Some will break your heart and some you'll break theirs. Some will be hard to forget and some will be around hardly long enough to matter. Have fun with it and don't take it so seriously. Love will come and it will definitely not be this overwhelming sudden emotion that you've made it to be. It actually is quite gradual. I know the saying "love at first sight" is such a romantic thought. And I'm not saying it isn't possible, But true love, everlasting love is wonderful but gradual. You know being with someone makes you incredibly happy and no matter what, you want to keep spending time with them. Then one day, out of nowhere, you realize you can't live without them and how much they've enriched your life and made it better. Oh Megs, you'll feel love a few times in your life and once or twice it won't be returned and that will stink. But you will find the one that will return it and every day you will fall in love all over again with him. And these fleeting feelings are hardly even blips on your heart monitor of lifetime loves. Cal schamal, Pat blat....don't sweat the small ones, they are simply warmups for the better ones to come. Have fun, its fantastic!
September 7, 1995
Age:15
Background: I worked a little summer job at a pool and met a few kids who went to the local public high school. I continued to hang around them a bit as summer came to end
Dear Diary,
Wow, that's all I have to say about this weekend. Wow! I actually am becoming self confident. I mean this weekend I fell in love, said goodbye & fell back in love. Let me explain. Last weekend at TJs party, I met Pat. Pat liked me but he was moving to New York that Saturday, He was really sweet. Then today at work, Cal came along and he was all about me. I gave him my number and we'll see what happens. But in one weekend, 2 good looking guys decided they liked me and that make me like me. I don't know, I just feel better about myself now. I mean I've always waited around for one guy to like me and now I'm meeting tons and loving it.
Dear Megs,
Remember we discussed not letting attention from boys decide your happiness. Learn to feel good about yourself without needing affirmation from guys and the rest will fall into place. But now here is my other little pickle with this entry. When you have never been in love, of course you crave it like chocolate during that time of the month. But love is a very deep and complex emotion. Be careful about throwing it around when you don't mean it or understand it. We do this a lot though. I LOVE Glee, I love summer, I love italian food, I love Pat and Cal. Let me tell ya, if it wasn't for this little diary entry, I promise you these two guys would be a teeny fragment in your memory if you even would remember them at all. Life is a stream of experiences and there will be lots more boys, some good, some bad. Some will break your heart and some you'll break theirs. Some will be hard to forget and some will be around hardly long enough to matter. Have fun with it and don't take it so seriously. Love will come and it will definitely not be this overwhelming sudden emotion that you've made it to be. It actually is quite gradual. I know the saying "love at first sight" is such a romantic thought. And I'm not saying it isn't possible, But true love, everlasting love is wonderful but gradual. You know being with someone makes you incredibly happy and no matter what, you want to keep spending time with them. Then one day, out of nowhere, you realize you can't live without them and how much they've enriched your life and made it better. Oh Megs, you'll feel love a few times in your life and once or twice it won't be returned and that will stink. But you will find the one that will return it and every day you will fall in love all over again with him. And these fleeting feelings are hardly even blips on your heart monitor of lifetime loves. Cal schamal, Pat blat....don't sweat the small ones, they are simply warmups for the better ones to come. Have fun, its fantastic!
Friday, September 2, 2011
A Postive Additude Will Take You Far....
Original Entry Date:
September 2, 1998
Background:
Short entry but to the point
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Hello, summer's over, it was fun but its over. Now back to reality and back to school. Ok plainly this year is gonna suck and that's all I feel like writing so Bye.
Dear Megs,
Ride your highs! You had a great summer and that is a good thing. I know you were trying to lower your expectations after getting let down when being happy before. I know its a defense mechanism for you and you do it as you had inevitably been disappointed before. But this is never a good attitude to have. Things can be as dark and awful as you can possibly imagine but you must remember to put a smile on your face and look towards tomorrow. It always gets better. I know that is big campaign on youtube right now and so hard to believe when life just seems so bleak. But it does...gradually perhaps but it does. And if you close yourself off to the opportunities of happiness, you will let life pass you by. So enjoy the good moments, keep your head held high and a smile on your face...the sun really does come out tomorrow.
September 2, 1998
Background:
Short entry but to the point
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Hello, summer's over, it was fun but its over. Now back to reality and back to school. Ok plainly this year is gonna suck and that's all I feel like writing so Bye.
Dear Megs,
Ride your highs! You had a great summer and that is a good thing. I know you were trying to lower your expectations after getting let down when being happy before. I know its a defense mechanism for you and you do it as you had inevitably been disappointed before. But this is never a good attitude to have. Things can be as dark and awful as you can possibly imagine but you must remember to put a smile on your face and look towards tomorrow. It always gets better. I know that is big campaign on youtube right now and so hard to believe when life just seems so bleak. But it does...gradually perhaps but it does. And if you close yourself off to the opportunities of happiness, you will let life pass you by. So enjoy the good moments, keep your head held high and a smile on your face...the sun really does come out tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)