Cliques, Cliques, Cliques....

Diary Entry Background:
8th grade day with my Friends
Original Entry Date:
August 26, 1996
Age 13

Dear Diary,

Guess What?! I have more wonderful news to tell you, my friends hate me. I don't know what I did. I went to the pool with a bunch of them and they all pretty much ignored me or made fun of me. So I decided to leave early. Then later at night, I went to Maggie's for pizza and they all hid when I got there and then they came out and laughed at me. Gosh they are such immature dorks. Then Grace had her letter to her boyfriend with her and wouldn't let anyone see it except for Tracy (Who for some weird reason was Grace's best friend that night). Then Molly took it out of Grace's hands and tried to read it but Grace just laughed and took it back. I did the exact same thing and she got all mad at me. Yet, she didn't care about the fact that Molly had done the exact same thing!!

Dear Megs,

Sometimes you can have a really big group of friends but still feel incredibly lonely. Girls can be mean and the main reason for any of this is they want to be accepted. This can be tough because if two girls out of a group decide they are mad at you, it can quickly turn into a scenario where everyone is ganging up on you. And typically what caused the one girl to get mad at you, is something very insignificant---like saying you have a crush on a boy that your friend secretly likes. Something little like that and before you know it, everyone has turned against you. It is often so much easier to go along with the group then to go against it and risk being outcasted.

Can I say I am completely innocent and never did the same exact thing to other girls just to be accepted? I wish but definitely not the case. Cliques (which don't necessarily have to be a "popular" group of friends) are a tricky monster. You can have this huge group of friends yet never really feel accepted as you are constantly trying to avoid being the outcast. Looking back, this is not a good thing. These type of friendships typically do not have the foundation to last. In grade school, I went around with maybe 10 girls. Of those girls, I still have relationships with 2girls. Good friends are hard to find but it is always better to have 1 or 2 close friends than 10-15 so called friends that will stab you in the back the second they can.

Looking back, I wish that I had spent more time with those true friends who would last the test of time. I wish that I had stood up to the girls that thought making others feel badly about themselves made them more popular. The fact of the matter is that teenagers will ALWAYS make others feel bad if doing so is the means to acceptance. Its a vicious cycle that is way too difficult to stop. Standing up to those who put others down is so tough but please try. You may lose that friend but trust me, it won't take long for them to turn on you anyways and any friend that puts you down isn't really a friend in the first place.

The funny thing is, you think as we become adults, cliques and putting others down goes away. Truth be told, it doesn't. There will always be those who feel better about themselves by putting other people down. And people will always go along with the group to be accepted. I work with people in their 30s who do this to me on a daily basis and I'm definitely an outsider. But it no longer bothers me, I ignore it nowadays. The difference? I don't let myself get wrapped up in that nonsense. I have a great group of friends and family who accept me for me. I've also learned to be independent and stand on my own two feet. A lot of that comes with confidence in who you are and knowing that type of behavior just isn't you. Know that no matter what you do, people will criticize and judge and nothing you do can change others behavior. But rise above that and treat even those that put you down with respect and kindness and you'll be a happier person in the long run.