Love? Hardly

Original Entry Date:
September 7, 1995
Age:15
Background: I worked a little summer job at a pool and met a few kids who went to the local public high school. I continued to hang around them a bit as summer came to end

Dear Diary,
Wow, that's all I have to say about this weekend. Wow! I actually am becoming self confident. I mean this weekend I fell in love, said goodbye & fell back in love. Let me explain. Last weekend at TJs party, I met Pat. Pat liked me but he was moving to New York that Saturday, He was really sweet. Then today at work, Cal came along and he was all about me. I gave him my number and we'll see what happens. But in one weekend, 2 good looking guys decided they liked me and that make me like me. I don't know, I just feel better about myself now. I mean I've always waited around for one guy to like me and now I'm meeting tons and loving it.

Dear Megs,
Remember we discussed not letting attention from boys decide your happiness. Learn to feel good about yourself without needing affirmation from guys and the rest will fall into place. But now here is my other little pickle with this entry. When you have never been in love, of course you crave it like chocolate during that time of the month. But love is a very deep and complex emotion. Be careful about throwing it around when you don't mean it or understand it. We do this a lot though. I LOVE Glee, I love summer, I love italian food, I love Pat and Cal. Let me tell ya, if it wasn't for this little diary entry, I promise you these two guys would be a teeny fragment in your memory if you even would remember them at all. Life is a stream of experiences and there will be lots more boys, some good, some bad. Some will break your heart and some you'll break theirs. Some will be hard to forget and some will be around hardly long enough to matter. Have fun with it and don't take it so seriously. Love will come and it will definitely not be this overwhelming sudden emotion that you've made it to be. It actually is quite gradual. I know the saying "love at first sight" is such a romantic thought. And I'm not saying it isn't possible, But true love, everlasting love is wonderful but gradual. You know being with someone makes you incredibly happy and no matter what, you want to keep spending time with them. Then one day, out of nowhere, you realize you can't live without them and how much they've enriched your life and made it better. Oh Megs, you'll feel love a few times in your life and once or twice it won't be returned and that will stink. But you will find the one that will return it and every day you will fall in love all over again with him. And these fleeting feelings are hardly even blips on your heart monitor of lifetime loves. Cal schamal, Pat blat....don't sweat the small ones, they are simply warmups for the better ones to come. Have fun, its fantastic!