Original Entry Date:
May 17, 1999
Age: 16
Background: I had just gone to junior prom as a sophomore and had a less than memorable experience. Prom was always a full weekend event and we went to a resort hotel in a nearby vacation location for the weekend after
Dear Diary,
Well prom came and went and that time of having nothing to complain about didn't last long. Well prom was fun but it really lowered my self esteem. The actual dance part was fun but it was the weekend that killed me. As you know, Morgan and Dan are going out and Erin and Matt are supposed to hook up. So of course the whole prom weekend, those four and Tim and Nikki were busy leaving me alone with a bunch of guys who didn't want me around. I concluded that Matt Ryan, Alan, and Jack Kelly thought of me as ugly and did not want me around. Then there were the older junior girls grouping themselves off leaving me alone hating myself. Mark was nice though so I spent time with him and I want to try and set him and Kelly up though cause I know she likes him. Of course I know that will only make me feel alone and ugly and worthless even more so no bad idea!
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
I believe it was said in a prior post but it is worth being repeated, you can be surrounded my people but still be incredibly lonely. You unfortunately became the dreaded "3rd" wheel per see that weekend. You were the sophomore hanging out with the juniors for the weekend. The other sophomore girls had coupled off and spent time with another junior couple leaving you all alone. The junior girls had resented you attending their prom as they felt you took dates that they had wanted and that their guy should have asked girls their own age. And so you were left with the boys for the weekend who were quite nice to let you tag along but you knew quite well they were doing you a favor. Oh gosh, I remember being at the pool and going into the sauna in the women's locker room just to cry. It was a weekend built up in your mind to be so much more than it was and ultimately, you were simply alone.
I do believe one of the worst feelings at any age is feeling like an outsider. No one wants to think they don't belong. Unfortunately, being the outsider is an inevitable experience at some point in your life. There is no rhyme or reason to why it will happen. I am one of the friendliest people you will ever meet and I don't have a mean bone in my body but its happened to me more times than I can count on my fingers. It can be something as simple as being the single one in a group of coupled off friends. Taking an invitation to an event where you may not have your comfort crowd and never getting the right footing in your conversations. Work wise, you could have a higher position than co-workers that sparks jealousy and causes them to find a common enemy in you....jealousy outside of the workplace could be a part of it as well..or maybe the culprit all along is you.
These "lonely" moments as incredibly difficult they are in the moment ultimately build your character and create a sense of independence and eventually confidence you wouldn't have found otherwise. It always hurts deep down inside when you become the outsider but every difficult time we are faced with only strengthens us for harder moments down the road. You have to learn to rely on yourself and still keep smiling and your head held high when you are mostly invisible to everyone else...this builds independence and allows you to not rely on anyone else to determine your happiness. And confidence, when we are an outsider, we may try hard to go outside our comfort zone and reach out to others we may not know well just to have a sense of camaraderie with someone else. Uncomfortable social situations ultimately build confidence allowing us to be able to ease into conversation with practically any stranger.
So you may be saying, so what? All of these characteristics sound great and all but I'm still in this awful situation where it seems like no one notices I'm alive or cares and I'm absolutely miserable. Know that loneliness is always temporary....someone always comes into your life when you need them the most and least expect i. And trust me, even when you are alone, you are NOT alone. There are probably lots of others who feel the exact same way as you do but don't let on how lonely they truly feel. In fact, the people you need may not know how lonely you are. So once again, seek outside of your comfort one and try and get to know others you may have not given a chance before. You will be surprised how amazing and wonderful people can be in your life if you just give them a chance. And its funny, those other people who always made you feel lonely may not be the right people for your life to begin with. The friendships you had with them maybe wouldn't have lasted and the loneliness would have occurred at another point in your life. I must admit, I do tend to be a "glass is half full" type of person and maybe that is because life has shown me that there is always sun that comes after the rain. So don't feel lonely, someone is always thinking of you whether you realize it or not. Your future holds so much and you will meet so many people who will never make you feel alone. So just keep that head held high and know that no one is invisible forever, your day in the sun will come!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Count your Blessings...
Original Entry Date:
April 25, 1999
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Once again it has been an awfully long time since I've written you. Well I have to say I'm pretty happy now. I went to Florida, that was fun. Well then I came back and it was prom time. Of course I'm a sophomore though and I shouldn't quite expect to go but as luck would have it, Aaron Dunne has asked me and I'm going. Morgan and Erin are going as well and it should be quite a lot of fun. I'm excited! And Matt Ryan, this hot senior is going in our group too so YES!!! Well, I know often times I write and I complain but I don't have anything to complain about this time around. Things are going well. Morgan and Kim have become two very good friends and Terri and I hang out sometimes too. And going out with the juniors is a lot of fun. Well, I'm turning 16 in 10 days and of course I'll keep writing to you. Til Then,
Megs
Dear Megs,
It is funny how often we take so much time to complain about events in our lives that we fail to notice how truly blessed we truly are in comparison to so many out there. At this time of your life, you were happy for 3 reasons: You had just gotten back from a wonderful vacation in Florida with your family, you got invited to prom by an older boy, and you seemed to have everything going well with the friends in your life. However, there were so many other wonderful things that you had going on in your life that you often failed to notice and even took for granted. It is easy to caught up in the day to day drama that we don't notice the truly important gifts we are given in our lives that are truly so important.
You have always been quite blessed with your life and even now it is too easy to take some of these gifts for granted. I believe this is because the constants, the people and items you have always had stop being seen as things that you are truly blessed to have.
You have very loving parents who are the perfect picture of two people in love. They have worked hard to give you and your siblings a fantastic life. You've always had a roof over your head, food in your mouth, clothes on your back. Your parents have always wanted nothing but the best for you whether it is through friends, love, opportunity; they have always pushed you to be the best you can be. They have done nothing but supported you in everything you tried to do, showed up to t-ball games, plays, basketball games, swim meets, diving meets, track meets, cross country meets--the list could go on and on. They have taken you on some fantastic trips: going down to Florida every spring, New Jersey every summer and quite a few other fun trips as well along the way! At the time, they taught you the importance to work for what you wanted and you held jobs in High School and College to buy the things you wanted. When you had a very scary accident at age 18, they were there in the hospital scared out of their minds just praying everything would be all right and doing everything they could to be strong for you. This never seemed like much to you because you always had it and thus it became the norm and you spent too much time complaining: they expect too much, they never let me do anything, etc. However, there are many people across the world who have never seen these blessings. This day and age especially, lots of kids grow up with parents who are no longer together. Others have parents who are sick or tragically lost one or both of their parents early. Others have been hit with hard times and they have had to help support their families. No matter how frustrated or angry you can be with your parents for certain things as a teenager, it is so important to realize the good if you have it. There are so many people out there in this world who deal with such larger difficulties than whether the boy you life likes you back. I don't want to trivialize the things that are important to you but I also want to point out that others face so much more every day and never complain about their situation. So don't judge others as you never know what difficulties they are facing or what they have overcome!
Your health and the health of your family and friends is another blessing I feel we often taken for granted. I am one of five kids and somehow we have all made it 3 decades with hardly a health scare.(knock on wood) I read last month about a family who's newborn baby was born with cancer. Born with cancer, how does this happen? A friend's sister lost their daughter at 6 months old. These children were born fighting for their lives but somehow so many of us live every day as though we earned it. Every day in your life is a gift, every day you are healthy is a gift, it is amazing and shocking how quickly something can happen and everything is different. Never take your life or your health for granted. It reminds me of a quote from the graduation speech "wear sunscreen". "The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday". A car accident, a heart attack, a random lump, a freak accident , a fire and everything you knew and took for granted in your life has changed. I hate to be morbid but in just 30 years of life, I've seen it: a friend's Mom, a coworker, a Dad of a family friend, another coworker, classmates....etc. I can not repeat enough, every day in your life is a gift, every breath you take means something and should not be taken for granted. Live every day like it is your last, I know it is said often and may sound cliche, I even admit I don't always do this, but do live every day to the fullest, hug the ones you love, life is tricky and tough breaks happen. And if anyone you know is going through something tough, be there for them. And don't be so quick to judge others as you do not know what they are dealing with.
I had a bit of a wake up call when i was 18. I've alluded to this in a few entries before but this seems like a good entry to elaborate. A freak accident caused me to fracture several vertebrae in my upper spinal cord/ neck area. I was in intensive care for 3 days and had to undergo emergency surgery to remove broken bone fragments and fuse my cord together. I am extremely lucky and I unfortunately can forget this at times. I made a full recovery and even ran the marathon to raise money for spinal cord injury research about 2 and a half years ago, but again I find myself forgetting this very monumental moment in my life more than I should. I look back and realize how close everything was to being very different. I was told if the injury was a little higher, I likely would have been paralyzed for life. No dancing, running, walking ever again. A completely different life. The fact that I made a 100% recovery truly was such a gift that looking back I can't help but be incredibly grateful for.
So dance like no one is watching, laugh often, love fully, and live every day like it is your last. You truly are blessed whether you believe it or not. It is too easy to get caught up in the day to day frustrations we have in life that we forget the biggest gift of them all is in fact our lives. Don't get me wrong, it is easy to complain when things aren't going our way, money is short, people are rude, our hearts are broken but let those moments pass quickly. I will tell you this that I've learned from my accident at age 18: I do not take my life as seriously anymore. This may sound like a bad thing but let me explain. As Ferris Bueller said it best: "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive!" I don't get upset or angry with people in my life for little things. I don't sweat the small stuff, if someone doesn't like me, so be it! I let certain things roll off my back. Oh the waitress forgot I said dressing on the side, is it really that big of a deal? My boyfriend forgot to pick me up that milk that I asked for, where does that rank in the big picture of life? I don't take the little things seriously. There is no reason to. Life is a gift to be enjoyed. Your presence in others lives should make them happy, not frustrated. Be a joy to be around and take joy in all you do. So please, count your blessings, and love the life you've got, its the only one you have!
April 25, 1999
Age: 15
Dear Diary,
Once again it has been an awfully long time since I've written you. Well I have to say I'm pretty happy now. I went to Florida, that was fun. Well then I came back and it was prom time. Of course I'm a sophomore though and I shouldn't quite expect to go but as luck would have it, Aaron Dunne has asked me and I'm going. Morgan and Erin are going as well and it should be quite a lot of fun. I'm excited! And Matt Ryan, this hot senior is going in our group too so YES!!! Well, I know often times I write and I complain but I don't have anything to complain about this time around. Things are going well. Morgan and Kim have become two very good friends and Terri and I hang out sometimes too. And going out with the juniors is a lot of fun. Well, I'm turning 16 in 10 days and of course I'll keep writing to you. Til Then,
Megs
Dear Megs,
It is funny how often we take so much time to complain about events in our lives that we fail to notice how truly blessed we truly are in comparison to so many out there. At this time of your life, you were happy for 3 reasons: You had just gotten back from a wonderful vacation in Florida with your family, you got invited to prom by an older boy, and you seemed to have everything going well with the friends in your life. However, there were so many other wonderful things that you had going on in your life that you often failed to notice and even took for granted. It is easy to caught up in the day to day drama that we don't notice the truly important gifts we are given in our lives that are truly so important.
You have always been quite blessed with your life and even now it is too easy to take some of these gifts for granted. I believe this is because the constants, the people and items you have always had stop being seen as things that you are truly blessed to have.
You have very loving parents who are the perfect picture of two people in love. They have worked hard to give you and your siblings a fantastic life. You've always had a roof over your head, food in your mouth, clothes on your back. Your parents have always wanted nothing but the best for you whether it is through friends, love, opportunity; they have always pushed you to be the best you can be. They have done nothing but supported you in everything you tried to do, showed up to t-ball games, plays, basketball games, swim meets, diving meets, track meets, cross country meets--the list could go on and on. They have taken you on some fantastic trips: going down to Florida every spring, New Jersey every summer and quite a few other fun trips as well along the way! At the time, they taught you the importance to work for what you wanted and you held jobs in High School and College to buy the things you wanted. When you had a very scary accident at age 18, they were there in the hospital scared out of their minds just praying everything would be all right and doing everything they could to be strong for you. This never seemed like much to you because you always had it and thus it became the norm and you spent too much time complaining: they expect too much, they never let me do anything, etc. However, there are many people across the world who have never seen these blessings. This day and age especially, lots of kids grow up with parents who are no longer together. Others have parents who are sick or tragically lost one or both of their parents early. Others have been hit with hard times and they have had to help support their families. No matter how frustrated or angry you can be with your parents for certain things as a teenager, it is so important to realize the good if you have it. There are so many people out there in this world who deal with such larger difficulties than whether the boy you life likes you back. I don't want to trivialize the things that are important to you but I also want to point out that others face so much more every day and never complain about their situation. So don't judge others as you never know what difficulties they are facing or what they have overcome!
Your health and the health of your family and friends is another blessing I feel we often taken for granted. I am one of five kids and somehow we have all made it 3 decades with hardly a health scare.(knock on wood) I read last month about a family who's newborn baby was born with cancer. Born with cancer, how does this happen? A friend's sister lost their daughter at 6 months old. These children were born fighting for their lives but somehow so many of us live every day as though we earned it. Every day in your life is a gift, every day you are healthy is a gift, it is amazing and shocking how quickly something can happen and everything is different. Never take your life or your health for granted. It reminds me of a quote from the graduation speech "wear sunscreen". "The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday". A car accident, a heart attack, a random lump, a freak accident , a fire and everything you knew and took for granted in your life has changed. I hate to be morbid but in just 30 years of life, I've seen it: a friend's Mom, a coworker, a Dad of a family friend, another coworker, classmates....etc. I can not repeat enough, every day in your life is a gift, every breath you take means something and should not be taken for granted. Live every day like it is your last, I know it is said often and may sound cliche, I even admit I don't always do this, but do live every day to the fullest, hug the ones you love, life is tricky and tough breaks happen. And if anyone you know is going through something tough, be there for them. And don't be so quick to judge others as you do not know what they are dealing with.
I had a bit of a wake up call when i was 18. I've alluded to this in a few entries before but this seems like a good entry to elaborate. A freak accident caused me to fracture several vertebrae in my upper spinal cord/ neck area. I was in intensive care for 3 days and had to undergo emergency surgery to remove broken bone fragments and fuse my cord together. I am extremely lucky and I unfortunately can forget this at times. I made a full recovery and even ran the marathon to raise money for spinal cord injury research about 2 and a half years ago, but again I find myself forgetting this very monumental moment in my life more than I should. I look back and realize how close everything was to being very different. I was told if the injury was a little higher, I likely would have been paralyzed for life. No dancing, running, walking ever again. A completely different life. The fact that I made a 100% recovery truly was such a gift that looking back I can't help but be incredibly grateful for.
So dance like no one is watching, laugh often, love fully, and live every day like it is your last. You truly are blessed whether you believe it or not. It is too easy to get caught up in the day to day frustrations we have in life that we forget the biggest gift of them all is in fact our lives. Don't get me wrong, it is easy to complain when things aren't going our way, money is short, people are rude, our hearts are broken but let those moments pass quickly. I will tell you this that I've learned from my accident at age 18: I do not take my life as seriously anymore. This may sound like a bad thing but let me explain. As Ferris Bueller said it best: "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive!" I don't get upset or angry with people in my life for little things. I don't sweat the small stuff, if someone doesn't like me, so be it! I let certain things roll off my back. Oh the waitress forgot I said dressing on the side, is it really that big of a deal? My boyfriend forgot to pick me up that milk that I asked for, where does that rank in the big picture of life? I don't take the little things seriously. There is no reason to. Life is a gift to be enjoyed. Your presence in others lives should make them happy, not frustrated. Be a joy to be around and take joy in all you do. So please, count your blessings, and love the life you've got, its the only one you have!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Remember not to settle...
Original Entry Date:
April 23, 2000
Age: 16
Background: Follows about two weeks after my blog post about rejection.
Dear Diary,
I know I just wrote you and for some reason my junior year I haven't been writing you as often so this is very rare. But anyways, it is spring break right now and I am NOT having any fun. I'm stuck here in the good ol suburbs for the first time in 11 years. Prom is still up and coming. I am now going to junior prom as well. I asked Allen Turk, it should be fun. Yeah well this spring break I was supposed to be hanging out with Kyle and spending quality time with new people I barely ever see. Its been more like Mitch calling me everyday and being the only one I see or talk to. And track has sucked, its supposed to be more fun with less people! Hopefully it will get better. I'm learning to appreciate the things I do have in my life more. Jackie is the absolute best friend a girl could ask for. Maybe the one guy I want to be with isn't chasing me but at least some guy is. I may be on my way to my 17th birthday and still have never had a boyfriend but that's because I'm careful and I'm just waiting for the right boy to come along. I could go out with Mitch but I will not do that just so I can be with some guy. And maybe one day I will have feelings for him but right now I do not. Oh well, Kyle will always hurt me and will never want me. I just keep wishing that "someday my Prince will come."
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
This is another entry that I am quite fond of. Yes, you started off venting your frustrations of what you were experiencing but then you started to see the good and recognize the positives in your life and the way you were approaching it. You recognized that you were so fortunate to have a budding friendship who someone was always very kind and encouraging to you. You also recognized that you didn't want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. You knew that if you were going to be with someone, it would be someone who you were as crazy about as they were about you. You were technically "not settling" for Mitch just to have a boyfriend.
But this entry isn't necessarily about settling for a guy you may not be crazy about. It is really about never settling for less than you deserve in all of your interactions in life. Looking back, the "settling" you were doing was having a crush on Kyle to begin with. Kyle treated you horribly. He strung you along, hooked up with a "friend" of yours and tried to act like nothing needed to change between you two. He was not interested in you as a person and was only ever looking to see how far you would let him get. But for whatever reason that I can absolutely not understand, you put him up on a pedestal as though he was the best thing to walk into your life. You let yourself be miserable because he didn't want to be with you. Mitch on the other hand treated you with nothing but kindness and respect and he in fact, deserved you in return. Now don't get me wrong, the heart wants what the heart wants and "settling" isn't about settling for an individual per see. It is about settling for being treated as less than the extraordinary person that you are. I'm not saying I should have been with Mitch at the time because I didn't have those feelings. But on the contrary, I also shouldn't have been crazy about Kyle and continued to let him walk all over me. This is very difficult when the heart is involved as we tend to be blinded to the negative treatment we are receiving. But allowing your heart to be caught up with someone who doesn't treat you as the incredible individual that you are is in fact... settling. Allowing a person to be in your life who treats you with disrespect and hurts you consistently is settling. Instead, only allow yourself to be surrounded by those who enrich your life and make you happy.
This goes the same way with friendships as it does with guys. Going back to the entry about rejection, I had a group of girls who always treated me as an extra in their lives. They didn't need me around, they didn't care if I was included in their group or not. I was just a "clinger" who they felt they had to be nice to but hardly considered me a close friend. They didn't see the positive in me and my continuing to spend time with perpetuated the issue. I constantly felt bad about myself because deep down, I knew I wasn't really their friend and knowing that fact made me feel like something was wrong with me. However, Jackie, and it took me a long time to realize this, was exactly the friend I was always looking for. She felt that I added a value in her life and subsequently she added something to mine. We would have inside jokes, share everything about our struggles and our victories and just love one another for who we were. She wanted to see me happy and successful and I felt the same for her. As mentioned in "Casualties of Time", unfortunately the relationship was lost but she was one of the first friendships that I wasn't settling with and that was an extremely important lesson in that time. We can certainly settle with friendships as well, I think even more often then we do with guys, because we are social beings and we don't want to be alone. However, if any "friend", doesn't think twice about talking bad about you behind your back or secretly cheers at your failures or does anything along those lines, you are settling by allowing them to be in your life as "friends". Surround yourself only with people who make you feel good and your life will be more enriched as a result.
So change the way you think about settling. Know that settling is more so allowing people in your life that fill it and you with nothing but negativity and poison. The people surrounding you should always build you up and you should always do the same for them. It becomes an even worse situation if you are nothing but kind , giving and sweet and yet these individuals still take advantage of you. You are an incredible and unique individual who anyone would be blessed to have in their life. So don't let those who don't choose to see the good in you bring you down. We have every right to only surround ourselves with individuals that make us a better version of ourselves and keep that beautiful smile on our face. Those who make you cry don't deserve to be a part of your life so don't let them! Don't settle, you deserve so much better!
April 23, 2000
Age: 16
Background: Follows about two weeks after my blog post about rejection.
Dear Diary,
I know I just wrote you and for some reason my junior year I haven't been writing you as often so this is very rare. But anyways, it is spring break right now and I am NOT having any fun. I'm stuck here in the good ol suburbs for the first time in 11 years. Prom is still up and coming. I am now going to junior prom as well. I asked Allen Turk, it should be fun. Yeah well this spring break I was supposed to be hanging out with Kyle and spending quality time with new people I barely ever see. Its been more like Mitch calling me everyday and being the only one I see or talk to. And track has sucked, its supposed to be more fun with less people! Hopefully it will get better. I'm learning to appreciate the things I do have in my life more. Jackie is the absolute best friend a girl could ask for. Maybe the one guy I want to be with isn't chasing me but at least some guy is. I may be on my way to my 17th birthday and still have never had a boyfriend but that's because I'm careful and I'm just waiting for the right boy to come along. I could go out with Mitch but I will not do that just so I can be with some guy. And maybe one day I will have feelings for him but right now I do not. Oh well, Kyle will always hurt me and will never want me. I just keep wishing that "someday my Prince will come."
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
This is another entry that I am quite fond of. Yes, you started off venting your frustrations of what you were experiencing but then you started to see the good and recognize the positives in your life and the way you were approaching it. You recognized that you were so fortunate to have a budding friendship who someone was always very kind and encouraging to you. You also recognized that you didn't want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. You knew that if you were going to be with someone, it would be someone who you were as crazy about as they were about you. You were technically "not settling" for Mitch just to have a boyfriend.
But this entry isn't necessarily about settling for a guy you may not be crazy about. It is really about never settling for less than you deserve in all of your interactions in life. Looking back, the "settling" you were doing was having a crush on Kyle to begin with. Kyle treated you horribly. He strung you along, hooked up with a "friend" of yours and tried to act like nothing needed to change between you two. He was not interested in you as a person and was only ever looking to see how far you would let him get. But for whatever reason that I can absolutely not understand, you put him up on a pedestal as though he was the best thing to walk into your life. You let yourself be miserable because he didn't want to be with you. Mitch on the other hand treated you with nothing but kindness and respect and he in fact, deserved you in return. Now don't get me wrong, the heart wants what the heart wants and "settling" isn't about settling for an individual per see. It is about settling for being treated as less than the extraordinary person that you are. I'm not saying I should have been with Mitch at the time because I didn't have those feelings. But on the contrary, I also shouldn't have been crazy about Kyle and continued to let him walk all over me. This is very difficult when the heart is involved as we tend to be blinded to the negative treatment we are receiving. But allowing your heart to be caught up with someone who doesn't treat you as the incredible individual that you are is in fact... settling. Allowing a person to be in your life who treats you with disrespect and hurts you consistently is settling. Instead, only allow yourself to be surrounded by those who enrich your life and make you happy.
This goes the same way with friendships as it does with guys. Going back to the entry about rejection, I had a group of girls who always treated me as an extra in their lives. They didn't need me around, they didn't care if I was included in their group or not. I was just a "clinger" who they felt they had to be nice to but hardly considered me a close friend. They didn't see the positive in me and my continuing to spend time with perpetuated the issue. I constantly felt bad about myself because deep down, I knew I wasn't really their friend and knowing that fact made me feel like something was wrong with me. However, Jackie, and it took me a long time to realize this, was exactly the friend I was always looking for. She felt that I added a value in her life and subsequently she added something to mine. We would have inside jokes, share everything about our struggles and our victories and just love one another for who we were. She wanted to see me happy and successful and I felt the same for her. As mentioned in "Casualties of Time", unfortunately the relationship was lost but she was one of the first friendships that I wasn't settling with and that was an extremely important lesson in that time. We can certainly settle with friendships as well, I think even more often then we do with guys, because we are social beings and we don't want to be alone. However, if any "friend", doesn't think twice about talking bad about you behind your back or secretly cheers at your failures or does anything along those lines, you are settling by allowing them to be in your life as "friends". Surround yourself only with people who make you feel good and your life will be more enriched as a result.
So change the way you think about settling. Know that settling is more so allowing people in your life that fill it and you with nothing but negativity and poison. The people surrounding you should always build you up and you should always do the same for them. It becomes an even worse situation if you are nothing but kind , giving and sweet and yet these individuals still take advantage of you. You are an incredible and unique individual who anyone would be blessed to have in their life. So don't let those who don't choose to see the good in you bring you down. We have every right to only surround ourselves with individuals that make us a better version of ourselves and keep that beautiful smile on our face. Those who make you cry don't deserve to be a part of your life so don't let them! Don't settle, you deserve so much better!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Life happens...so let it
Original Entry Date:
April 21, 1997
Age: 13
Background: Written a few weeks before I graduated from Grammar School
Dear Diary,
Hey What Up?! M life is getting just way too confusing for me. I don't know who I like, don't know who my real friends are or if I even have any. I don't know anything about my future so you what I say, Who cares?! I have only a couple of weeks left at Grade School-why not have fun? Who cares if some boy doesn't like me? Who cares if I'm not popular? I say its their loss. I'm gonna start all over pretty soon and I can't be livin in the past or in the future. I have to live my life now as it is. What happens, happens. Its all fate, its all planned out and I can't change it. Well see ya!
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
I enjoy this entry. You often spent so much time reflecting on your life and trying to change things only to be disappointed when nothing worked out the way you hoped. This was a very rare time that you just gave up on trying and just lived your life. While I can't say it lasted long, it was necessary to have a tough skin, shrug off the difficulties and "just keep swimming" as Dory from "Finding Nemo would say.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for the quotes about not letting opportunities pass you by and if you want something, go get it, you can't sit around and wait for your life to begin, etc. However, I also believe that you can drive yourself crazy if you try to plan out and analyze every moment of your life. While I don't necessarily believe everything comes down to fate, I do believe there are lots of experiences in life that are out of our control. I also believe that each moment, each experience taken at an individual moment may not make sense but when looking back, was really meant to be.
My life sometimes seems like a perfect example of this: I had my heart set on a certain Ivy League College---all I wanted to do was get in. Unfortunately, I was rejected and I ended up going to another wonderful college in the Midwest. That experience at the school that was not my first choice ended up being the best 4 years of my life. While at the time I was crushed when I didn't get in to my dream school, I cannot deny that my life would be incredibly different if I had. The next link in this chain was when half-way through my freshman year of college, a very scary freak accident left me in intensive care with a fractured spinal cord. This accident caused me to miss my second semester of freshman year. I was crushed at the time but looking back, I was having a hard time finding my niche at the school and was severely struggling socially. After the accident, I ended up going back to school for summer classes and living in the dorms. Over summer school, I reconnected with a girl from my orientation group who was also there. Once the sophomore year started back up, she invited me out with her group of girl friends from Freshman Year. We all got along so well and eventually ended up getting an off campus house together Senior Year. Also through my connections with these 4 girls, I found myself introduced to several other girls who introduced me to their friends. Now these 4 girls and the additional friends I made through their connections are all part of a very special and amazing group that I am so fortunate to have met. It was this type of friendship and acceptance that I had longed for in High school and Grammar school and I had finally found it. Without the bad individual experiences, I don't know if I ever would have found that! We are all going on a trip together next year for our 30th birthdays and we hope to continue this tradition as the years go by even more. To further the strange way life works out, one of the girls I met through my senior year roommates is now one of my closest friends in Chicago. Our second year in the city, she invited out one of her guy friends from college who had just moved to the city. We met that night and instantly connected. We talked all night and at one point I told him I would help him "pick up a girl in the bar". The bar had fresh flowers on all of the tables so I gave him a daisy and told him to walk up to a pretty girl in the bar, tell her she s the prettiest girl in the bar, give her the flower and ask her to dinner (kitschy I know). He turned to me and gave the line I had just given. Our first date was the next night and 6 years later, we are still together and just got back from a wonderful vacation in San Francisco.
So basically, life works in really mysterious ways that are hard to understand in the moments we are in. However, I really do believe everything in life happens for a reason that may not be clear at that given moment. A big question that is often asked is "what is your biggest regret in life?" Looking back, I do believe every aspect of my life that perhaps I may have regretted at the time, actually brought me to where I am today. Take out one single piece and the life I have today would be completely different. Every friend that has turned their back on you makes you stronger and appreciate good friends when they do come. Every rejection or low point brings you to perhaps a different path that is meant to be and you wouldn't have found otherwise. Every guy who broke your heart will eventually bring you to the one who makes all of your dreams come true. While low points and struggles are so hard in the moment, don't regret or curse one, they all are part of the journey that makes you, you. So life happens, live it, love it, let it---the best surprises are yet to come.
April 21, 1997
Age: 13
Background: Written a few weeks before I graduated from Grammar School
Dear Diary,
Hey What Up?! M life is getting just way too confusing for me. I don't know who I like, don't know who my real friends are or if I even have any. I don't know anything about my future so you what I say, Who cares?! I have only a couple of weeks left at Grade School-why not have fun? Who cares if some boy doesn't like me? Who cares if I'm not popular? I say its their loss. I'm gonna start all over pretty soon and I can't be livin in the past or in the future. I have to live my life now as it is. What happens, happens. Its all fate, its all planned out and I can't change it. Well see ya!
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
I enjoy this entry. You often spent so much time reflecting on your life and trying to change things only to be disappointed when nothing worked out the way you hoped. This was a very rare time that you just gave up on trying and just lived your life. While I can't say it lasted long, it was necessary to have a tough skin, shrug off the difficulties and "just keep swimming" as Dory from "Finding Nemo would say.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for the quotes about not letting opportunities pass you by and if you want something, go get it, you can't sit around and wait for your life to begin, etc. However, I also believe that you can drive yourself crazy if you try to plan out and analyze every moment of your life. While I don't necessarily believe everything comes down to fate, I do believe there are lots of experiences in life that are out of our control. I also believe that each moment, each experience taken at an individual moment may not make sense but when looking back, was really meant to be.
My life sometimes seems like a perfect example of this: I had my heart set on a certain Ivy League College---all I wanted to do was get in. Unfortunately, I was rejected and I ended up going to another wonderful college in the Midwest. That experience at the school that was not my first choice ended up being the best 4 years of my life. While at the time I was crushed when I didn't get in to my dream school, I cannot deny that my life would be incredibly different if I had. The next link in this chain was when half-way through my freshman year of college, a very scary freak accident left me in intensive care with a fractured spinal cord. This accident caused me to miss my second semester of freshman year. I was crushed at the time but looking back, I was having a hard time finding my niche at the school and was severely struggling socially. After the accident, I ended up going back to school for summer classes and living in the dorms. Over summer school, I reconnected with a girl from my orientation group who was also there. Once the sophomore year started back up, she invited me out with her group of girl friends from Freshman Year. We all got along so well and eventually ended up getting an off campus house together Senior Year. Also through my connections with these 4 girls, I found myself introduced to several other girls who introduced me to their friends. Now these 4 girls and the additional friends I made through their connections are all part of a very special and amazing group that I am so fortunate to have met. It was this type of friendship and acceptance that I had longed for in High school and Grammar school and I had finally found it. Without the bad individual experiences, I don't know if I ever would have found that! We are all going on a trip together next year for our 30th birthdays and we hope to continue this tradition as the years go by even more. To further the strange way life works out, one of the girls I met through my senior year roommates is now one of my closest friends in Chicago. Our second year in the city, she invited out one of her guy friends from college who had just moved to the city. We met that night and instantly connected. We talked all night and at one point I told him I would help him "pick up a girl in the bar". The bar had fresh flowers on all of the tables so I gave him a daisy and told him to walk up to a pretty girl in the bar, tell her she s the prettiest girl in the bar, give her the flower and ask her to dinner (kitschy I know). He turned to me and gave the line I had just given. Our first date was the next night and 6 years later, we are still together and just got back from a wonderful vacation in San Francisco.
So basically, life works in really mysterious ways that are hard to understand in the moments we are in. However, I really do believe everything in life happens for a reason that may not be clear at that given moment. A big question that is often asked is "what is your biggest regret in life?" Looking back, I do believe every aspect of my life that perhaps I may have regretted at the time, actually brought me to where I am today. Take out one single piece and the life I have today would be completely different. Every friend that has turned their back on you makes you stronger and appreciate good friends when they do come. Every rejection or low point brings you to perhaps a different path that is meant to be and you wouldn't have found otherwise. Every guy who broke your heart will eventually bring you to the one who makes all of your dreams come true. While low points and struggles are so hard in the moment, don't regret or curse one, they all are part of the journey that makes you, you. So life happens, live it, love it, let it---the best surprises are yet to come.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Rejection Hurts!
Original Entry Date:
April 10, 2000
Age: 16
Background:
The April following my entry "How to know if he really likes you". I got involved with the wrong guy and also had a falling out with some friends all around the same time.
Dear Diary,
Well long time since I've written. Turnabout came and went, prom is coming up. I'm going to senior with Dan Wilkins, not sure about junior yet. The big thing though is that the whole Kyle thing blew up in my face. He tried to hook up with me two more times, once successfully. Even though he told me he didn't like me yet he knew I liked him. Then he has Kim on the side. Then he realizes oh I have this thing for Molly Madison. Oh I was crying. What I couldn't understand is why I thought we had something great and why it meant absolutely nothing to him. I didn't see how or why he couldn't see that something special between us. It's still there, it's diminished a bit in the past month but its still there. He shouldn't have led me on the way he did. He realized that though and at least the boy apologized. I have that to be thankful for. Not only did that happen but Morgan, Mel, and Kim have grouped themselves off, excluding me, and leaving me crying in the dirt. They no longer hang out with the seniors who got them through 2 years of High School. They have no respect for people and what they do for them. It's hard though because I can't help but feel something is wrong with who I am. Every friend I have ever made has deserted me at some point in my life. I just hope my luck turns around soon.
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
Oh man, if only I could travel back in time and read you my entry about how to know if a boy likes you. You fell for Kyle's games hook, line, and sinker. He toyed with your emotions and strung you along just so he could see how far you would let him get. All along, he was also hooking up with your friend Kim who was suddenly getting cliquey with your other friends and excluding you. Then he ends up falling for another girl and asking her to be his girlfriend. Then the girls who you used to hang out with regularly start grouping themselves off, hanging out without you, having inside jokes that you don't know about and more. As far as you knew, you hadn't done anything to hurt them Kim started hooking up with Kyle after the two of you were involved so if anyone should have been mad, it should have been you. I knew once I no longer felt comfortable around them that I was getting freezed out. I was clearly getting a double dose of rejection that hurt on all levels.
It was hard to understand why Kyle picked someone else as his girlfriend and I wasn't good enough for him. Or why Kim, Morgan and Mel could be best girlfriends but I wasn't cool, nice or fun enough to be part of that group. No body likes to feel like they don't belong or that they aren't good enough. It is one thing for someone to say they don't want to be your boyfriend or they don't want to be your friend, but then to see them having those connections with other people; that really hurts. The question just keeps eating at you: what makes her better than me? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not nice enough? Am I too nice? Am I boring? Why don't they want to be friends with me? Why were they nice to me for a while but now I don't belong? Am I not cool enough? What is cool? Did I do something wrong? You just keep picking yourself apart trying to realize what it is you did that caused this rejection.
Truth of the matter is, you never did do anything wrong. For whatever reason, who you were wasn't what Kyle wanted or wasn't the type of friend these girls wanted. Did it hurt? Of course! Did I think I needed to change to be the type of girl Kyle wanted or the type of girl Mel, Morgan and Kim wanted to let in their clique, of course! But no matter how much I tried to conform to be what they wanted, I couldn't--I was simply me---whether I understood who that was at the time or not. You are one of a kind and you should always be proud of that fact. Some people will like you and others will not. One of your unique characteristics is all you have ever wanted is to get along with everyone. So when you aren't someone's cup of tea, it hurts. I believe most people feel this way but they forget that others feel this as well. Truth be told, I still see Kyle from time to time due to mutual friends in our grown up lives. Honestly, once college was over, I looked back and couldn't really understand what had been so special about him. Today, he absolutely would not be a guy I would be interested in pursuing. Yet at that age at that moment in my life he broke my heart and it seemed like the worst thing ever. Looking back, it clearly was just not meant to be. Kim and Morgan are still close friends with one another but I haven't heard anything on Mel in years. I still see them from time to time but again, I can now what I couldn't see then, they really were not girls I could have longstanding friendships with. We are still friendly with one another but I see why we didn't connect back then. I now have amazing girls that I met over the years who would never make me feel bad about who I am or make me feel like I didn't belong. I am so grateful to have found those true friendships over time.
Rejection does hurt but I believe there is a reason behind everything in life. It may not make sense at the time you are in it, and it may hurt a lot--but it just means your life is meant for a different and often greater destiny. Therefore, if someone rejects you or doesn't seem to want you in their life, shake it off. Stand tall and be proud of who you are. It may be hard to understand why someone doesn't want you in your life but you have to be strong and accept it and be confident that you will find the people whose lives you are meant to be a part of. And no matter what, never change to meet who other people think you should be. You are unique, you are one of a kind, heck, you are you!
April 10, 2000
Age: 16
Background:
The April following my entry "How to know if he really likes you". I got involved with the wrong guy and also had a falling out with some friends all around the same time.
Dear Diary,
Well long time since I've written. Turnabout came and went, prom is coming up. I'm going to senior with Dan Wilkins, not sure about junior yet. The big thing though is that the whole Kyle thing blew up in my face. He tried to hook up with me two more times, once successfully. Even though he told me he didn't like me yet he knew I liked him. Then he has Kim on the side. Then he realizes oh I have this thing for Molly Madison. Oh I was crying. What I couldn't understand is why I thought we had something great and why it meant absolutely nothing to him. I didn't see how or why he couldn't see that something special between us. It's still there, it's diminished a bit in the past month but its still there. He shouldn't have led me on the way he did. He realized that though and at least the boy apologized. I have that to be thankful for. Not only did that happen but Morgan, Mel, and Kim have grouped themselves off, excluding me, and leaving me crying in the dirt. They no longer hang out with the seniors who got them through 2 years of High School. They have no respect for people and what they do for them. It's hard though because I can't help but feel something is wrong with who I am. Every friend I have ever made has deserted me at some point in my life. I just hope my luck turns around soon.
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
Oh man, if only I could travel back in time and read you my entry about how to know if a boy likes you. You fell for Kyle's games hook, line, and sinker. He toyed with your emotions and strung you along just so he could see how far you would let him get. All along, he was also hooking up with your friend Kim who was suddenly getting cliquey with your other friends and excluding you. Then he ends up falling for another girl and asking her to be his girlfriend. Then the girls who you used to hang out with regularly start grouping themselves off, hanging out without you, having inside jokes that you don't know about and more. As far as you knew, you hadn't done anything to hurt them Kim started hooking up with Kyle after the two of you were involved so if anyone should have been mad, it should have been you. I knew once I no longer felt comfortable around them that I was getting freezed out. I was clearly getting a double dose of rejection that hurt on all levels.
It was hard to understand why Kyle picked someone else as his girlfriend and I wasn't good enough for him. Or why Kim, Morgan and Mel could be best girlfriends but I wasn't cool, nice or fun enough to be part of that group. No body likes to feel like they don't belong or that they aren't good enough. It is one thing for someone to say they don't want to be your boyfriend or they don't want to be your friend, but then to see them having those connections with other people; that really hurts. The question just keeps eating at you: what makes her better than me? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not nice enough? Am I too nice? Am I boring? Why don't they want to be friends with me? Why were they nice to me for a while but now I don't belong? Am I not cool enough? What is cool? Did I do something wrong? You just keep picking yourself apart trying to realize what it is you did that caused this rejection.
Truth of the matter is, you never did do anything wrong. For whatever reason, who you were wasn't what Kyle wanted or wasn't the type of friend these girls wanted. Did it hurt? Of course! Did I think I needed to change to be the type of girl Kyle wanted or the type of girl Mel, Morgan and Kim wanted to let in their clique, of course! But no matter how much I tried to conform to be what they wanted, I couldn't--I was simply me---whether I understood who that was at the time or not. You are one of a kind and you should always be proud of that fact. Some people will like you and others will not. One of your unique characteristics is all you have ever wanted is to get along with everyone. So when you aren't someone's cup of tea, it hurts. I believe most people feel this way but they forget that others feel this as well. Truth be told, I still see Kyle from time to time due to mutual friends in our grown up lives. Honestly, once college was over, I looked back and couldn't really understand what had been so special about him. Today, he absolutely would not be a guy I would be interested in pursuing. Yet at that age at that moment in my life he broke my heart and it seemed like the worst thing ever. Looking back, it clearly was just not meant to be. Kim and Morgan are still close friends with one another but I haven't heard anything on Mel in years. I still see them from time to time but again, I can now what I couldn't see then, they really were not girls I could have longstanding friendships with. We are still friendly with one another but I see why we didn't connect back then. I now have amazing girls that I met over the years who would never make me feel bad about who I am or make me feel like I didn't belong. I am so grateful to have found those true friendships over time.
Rejection does hurt but I believe there is a reason behind everything in life. It may not make sense at the time you are in it, and it may hurt a lot--but it just means your life is meant for a different and often greater destiny. Therefore, if someone rejects you or doesn't seem to want you in their life, shake it off. Stand tall and be proud of who you are. It may be hard to understand why someone doesn't want you in your life but you have to be strong and accept it and be confident that you will find the people whose lives you are meant to be a part of. And no matter what, never change to meet who other people think you should be. You are unique, you are one of a kind, heck, you are you!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Never Give Up...
Back in November, I decided to give up on this blog. I didn't know if I was reaching anyone or if my writing was up to par for getting the message across as I wanted. Then I remembered why I started this....I re-read my old diary entries and was sad. Sad for the girl I once was and wishing I could go back and make her feel better. I couldn't but I could hopefully encourage girls who are currently struggling through the very hard time of growing up and thinking your life will never make sense. I've been there, heck I'm almost 30 and I'm sometimes still there but together we can build the confidence and the strength to look the bad days and the good days straight in the eyes and forge ahead.
I've always wondered what I was good at, what I could add to this world and then I realized, some talents are not so black and white. I care, I've always cared, almost too much about others and their lives and wanting them to be happy. I've always wanted to help make everyone happy. Maybe this is my chance, even if just one girl is inspired, it was worth it! So I'm giving it another go...with patience this time.
I've always wondered what I was good at, what I could add to this world and then I realized, some talents are not so black and white. I care, I've always cared, almost too much about others and their lives and wanting them to be happy. I've always wanted to help make everyone happy. Maybe this is my chance, even if just one girl is inspired, it was worth it! So I'm giving it another go...with patience this time.
Monday, November 21, 2011
How to know if he is really into you....
Original Entry Date:
November 1, 1999
Age: 16
Background: If you have been reading my entries thus far, you know I was a boy crazy teen with lots of unrequited crushes. Junior year of HS, boys all of a sudden seemed to notice me though most were NOT for the right reasons
Dear Diary,
Hey ok yes it has been a long, long time since I wrote you now. The school year started out slow. Everything seemed to be going wrong then around Homecoming, everything turned around and started going great and has been great since. Let me start with Homecoming, I went with Josh Stern, nothing really special about that but Connor was supposed to ask me but ended up not going to the dance which is where my conflict arises. I start liking him, big mistake. We flirt we go to the state overnight co-ed Cross Country meet, we flirt more, we end up going to into my hotel room and are both "comfortable" just talking side by side on the bed then bam coach comes in and he goes back to his room and nothing happens between us. Things have not been the same since and he is now together with Rachel and won't say a word to me. Then 2 weeks later, Kyle Sands flirts with me big time and offers to drive me home but I don't think anything really came from that. Then Mitch Gellar asked me on a date Friday. That was sweet. The next night, Tim Healy (yes my obsession from last year) is all over me in the treehouse at Fredrick's Halloween party Saturday night(we still have people thinking something happened with us (which it didn't) But basically all these guys have been interested in me which makes me feel good about myself. Of course nothing really happened with any of them, no kissing but I am still loving it!
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
I'd like to point out three consistencies in the above stories: Kyle, Tim, and Connor. All always flirted with you but never asked you out or made an effort other then when an opportunity arose for them to take it to the next (aka physical) level. All three of these young men did eventually have girlfriends in HighSchool and those girlfriends were never you--they really all when it came down to it-- broke your heart. You had longstanding crushes on 2 of the 3, (Connor and Tim) and developed feelings for Kyle once he showed attention to you. BUT...and this is a big point my friends, BUT, the only guy to ever make the effort to ask you on a real date and take you out was Mitch. Mitch was genuinely interested in you. Unfortunately, you did not share those feelings but you did go on a wonderful date with him. Oh I recall it was my first ever real date (not dance related). He picked you up and drove you downtown. You went out to dinner and to a haunted house and then for a walk along the Chicago River. Looking back, it was honestly a very romantic and sweet date. Something I very much longed for at that point in life, but it was with the wrong guy unfortunately. Substitute Connor or Tim (or even Kyle) with Mitch and I would have been over the Moon. But no, they only ever flirted with you in moments when you two were alone...
At the time, I was blinded by the fact that my crushes were actually flirting with me to see the truth. In fact, this has been one of the lessons that has taken me the longest to learn. And believe it or not, many girls in their 20s still haven't learned this lesson... What is this lesson? Ladies, if a boy has a sincere interest in you, you WILL know. He will ask you for your phone number, he will call you right away, he will ask you on a date. He will be interested in you at times other than when the two of you are alone away from everyone else and it will be about more than just a physical connection. He will want to be your boyfriend and rounding the bases will not be his Number One priority (however, let's not forget, he is a guy after all)
I've seen this in action time and time again. My two long term relationships (in College and after College) all resulted in me a.) meeting a boy and b.) giving him my number and c.) him calling me the next day to ask me on a date--usually that same night. Reading back on this entry, I realize now Mitch was the first one to show this rule in action-I just had yet to learn it back then.
This really is such a hard and fast rule that is so easy to understand yet we as young woman have such a heard time listening to it. We develop these crushes and these feelings and so badly want him to someday just notice we are alive that we let these boys toy with our emotions. We keep telling ourselves that this is different, we give excuses as to why he isn't asking us out (boys don't really do that, he was hurt really bad by his last girlfriend, his friends will give him a hard time if he gets a girlfriend,He is afraid to really fall for someone and I scare him etc., etc.) Girls, if you haven't watched the movie "he's just not that into you", please do because that movie pretty much embodies everything I am discussing and it really is oh so true. It is very obvious when a boy is into you and very easy to know when he isn't.
What's even worse is in college and Highschool even, we allow ourselves to take things to the next level with these boys (yes, I mean S-E-X or some variation of this) in hopes that we can get them to like us. Trust me, doing this will keep them interested but not for the right reasons and will definitely end up with you hurt. This is getting into a more serious and taboo topic than I typically like to discuss but girls, know that giving in and having sex or hooking up with a guy to keep him interested or to make him interested in you is not the way to go. This really is something that should be taken seriously and done with someone you are in love with who mutually respects and loves you and should happen at a time in your life when you are ready and mature enough to handle. Hold onto your innocence for as long as you can because it is special and you will never get it back once its gone. So think very carefully on these decisions. I am not willing to discuss the details on the internet of my own personal experiences but I can tell you I believe that it really is something you should share with someone you think you will spend the rest of your life with and I've followed and kept that belief to this very date (in my late twenties now). If you think you will regret the decision or are unsure, then just wait--when its right, you'll know. And to further my "lecturing" because I can't not say this: a broken heart is one of the least of the consequences you have to worry about if you treat sex casually or as a way to attract boys as there are so many other things to worry about.(i.e pregnancy, STDs) Ok off my soapbox on the taboo subject.
It is so easy to get caught up in the excitement of a crush noticing you when you were always invisible to him in the past. And once you get that attention, you crave it and you want it to continue. You start convincing yourself there is something more there, that you mean something to him, that is is different and he really cares for you. This mindset started in Highschool for me and in College, I fell even deeper into this pattern. Every time, I can tell you I ended up with a very broken heart and the guy always moved on to a girl he truly cared for. It really is so hard because we really want to believe they care. Any hint of interest towards you makes you believe they must somewhere deep down care for you and maybe they are just afraid of those feelings. But, no they aren't--they are really just taking advantage of you and the opportunity. You are too smart and incredible to fall for that and deserve so much more from the men you choose to allow in your life. Don't forget, you truly choose who you let in your life and you have every right to be very picky and demand to be treated with nothing but respect and adoration. It is perfectly okay to have that attitude with guys as the ones who don't deserve you won't make the effort to meet your standards anyway.
The best example that I have of this in practice is from College. There was a boy who lived in my dorm freshman year. We started hanging out quite a bit in his dorm room most of the time. We had a class together so we would study in his room. Usually studying turned into make out sessions. I found out eventually he had the same type of relationship with 2 other girls in our dorm but I convinced myself I was different. I started dating another guy who actually liked me Sophomore year but still couldn't get this one guy out of my head. We hung out a few times "as friends". I always romanticized our time together, walks on campus at night, driving to a nearby Forest Preserve and staring at the stars and talking..all this stuff that would make you think a guy definitely had feelings for you--but he never asked me out on a date. Before Junior year, my boyfriend at the time and I broke up probably because I never could get over this other guy. Right away that year, I found my way back to him. He did ask me as his date to a fraternity party and we went and he was saying all of these sweet things all night. I asked him to a football game at my older Brothers college and he came (along with my roommates at the time) and met my family and I thought we had a great weekend. Then all of a sudden after we got back, he started to avoid me...would act like he didn't see me around campus and basically would ignore me(we even had a class together and he never said a word to me). Around Christmas that year, he called me to say he just wasn't looking to be in a relationship at the time. The next semester, I found out he had a new girlfriend and they dated all the way through Senior Year and from what I've heard are now married. He never wanted anything more from me otherwise he would have had it. He found whatever it was I was missing in this other girl and he couldn't let her go. When they want to be with you, they will! He broke my heart worse than any other guy I have ever met as our relationship was more than just physical, we shared so much about our lives with one another but regardless, he had every opportunity to make me his girlfriend and he NEVER did because deep down, he didn't want me. It was a tough lesson but one I needed to learn. The right guy will eventually come to you and when he does, you will know without a doubt that he cares for you because he will make it a point for you to know. I've said it before but my boyfriend today called me and asked me to dinner the very next night. I even pushed him away to avoid getting hurt and he didn't give up on me. So don't be fooled, recognize the boys that want to spend time with you vs. the boys who just want to see how far you'll let them get. It is a lesson better learned earlier than later.
I do want to take some time and Thank all the people who have recently started to read my blog as I have noticed higher activity to my blog. I know I don't know everything about this life but hope I can offer a little something from someone who has been there not too long ago and learned from some experiences. If you like what you read, please share and please offer any comments, questions, etc.
November 1, 1999
Age: 16
Background: If you have been reading my entries thus far, you know I was a boy crazy teen with lots of unrequited crushes. Junior year of HS, boys all of a sudden seemed to notice me though most were NOT for the right reasons
Dear Diary,
Hey ok yes it has been a long, long time since I wrote you now. The school year started out slow. Everything seemed to be going wrong then around Homecoming, everything turned around and started going great and has been great since. Let me start with Homecoming, I went with Josh Stern, nothing really special about that but Connor was supposed to ask me but ended up not going to the dance which is where my conflict arises. I start liking him, big mistake. We flirt we go to the state overnight co-ed Cross Country meet, we flirt more, we end up going to into my hotel room and are both "comfortable" just talking side by side on the bed then bam coach comes in and he goes back to his room and nothing happens between us. Things have not been the same since and he is now together with Rachel and won't say a word to me. Then 2 weeks later, Kyle Sands flirts with me big time and offers to drive me home but I don't think anything really came from that. Then Mitch Gellar asked me on a date Friday. That was sweet. The next night, Tim Healy (yes my obsession from last year) is all over me in the treehouse at Fredrick's Halloween party Saturday night(we still have people thinking something happened with us (which it didn't) But basically all these guys have been interested in me which makes me feel good about myself. Of course nothing really happened with any of them, no kissing but I am still loving it!
Love,
Megs
Dear Megs,
I'd like to point out three consistencies in the above stories: Kyle, Tim, and Connor. All always flirted with you but never asked you out or made an effort other then when an opportunity arose for them to take it to the next (aka physical) level. All three of these young men did eventually have girlfriends in HighSchool and those girlfriends were never you--they really all when it came down to it-- broke your heart. You had longstanding crushes on 2 of the 3, (Connor and Tim) and developed feelings for Kyle once he showed attention to you. BUT...and this is a big point my friends, BUT, the only guy to ever make the effort to ask you on a real date and take you out was Mitch. Mitch was genuinely interested in you. Unfortunately, you did not share those feelings but you did go on a wonderful date with him. Oh I recall it was my first ever real date (not dance related). He picked you up and drove you downtown. You went out to dinner and to a haunted house and then for a walk along the Chicago River. Looking back, it was honestly a very romantic and sweet date. Something I very much longed for at that point in life, but it was with the wrong guy unfortunately. Substitute Connor or Tim (or even Kyle) with Mitch and I would have been over the Moon. But no, they only ever flirted with you in moments when you two were alone...
At the time, I was blinded by the fact that my crushes were actually flirting with me to see the truth. In fact, this has been one of the lessons that has taken me the longest to learn. And believe it or not, many girls in their 20s still haven't learned this lesson... What is this lesson? Ladies, if a boy has a sincere interest in you, you WILL know. He will ask you for your phone number, he will call you right away, he will ask you on a date. He will be interested in you at times other than when the two of you are alone away from everyone else and it will be about more than just a physical connection. He will want to be your boyfriend and rounding the bases will not be his Number One priority (however, let's not forget, he is a guy after all)
I've seen this in action time and time again. My two long term relationships (in College and after College) all resulted in me a.) meeting a boy and b.) giving him my number and c.) him calling me the next day to ask me on a date--usually that same night. Reading back on this entry, I realize now Mitch was the first one to show this rule in action-I just had yet to learn it back then.
This really is such a hard and fast rule that is so easy to understand yet we as young woman have such a heard time listening to it. We develop these crushes and these feelings and so badly want him to someday just notice we are alive that we let these boys toy with our emotions. We keep telling ourselves that this is different, we give excuses as to why he isn't asking us out (boys don't really do that, he was hurt really bad by his last girlfriend, his friends will give him a hard time if he gets a girlfriend,He is afraid to really fall for someone and I scare him etc., etc.) Girls, if you haven't watched the movie "he's just not that into you", please do because that movie pretty much embodies everything I am discussing and it really is oh so true. It is very obvious when a boy is into you and very easy to know when he isn't.
What's even worse is in college and Highschool even, we allow ourselves to take things to the next level with these boys (yes, I mean S-E-X or some variation of this) in hopes that we can get them to like us. Trust me, doing this will keep them interested but not for the right reasons and will definitely end up with you hurt. This is getting into a more serious and taboo topic than I typically like to discuss but girls, know that giving in and having sex or hooking up with a guy to keep him interested or to make him interested in you is not the way to go. This really is something that should be taken seriously and done with someone you are in love with who mutually respects and loves you and should happen at a time in your life when you are ready and mature enough to handle. Hold onto your innocence for as long as you can because it is special and you will never get it back once its gone. So think very carefully on these decisions. I am not willing to discuss the details on the internet of my own personal experiences but I can tell you I believe that it really is something you should share with someone you think you will spend the rest of your life with and I've followed and kept that belief to this very date (in my late twenties now). If you think you will regret the decision or are unsure, then just wait--when its right, you'll know. And to further my "lecturing" because I can't not say this: a broken heart is one of the least of the consequences you have to worry about if you treat sex casually or as a way to attract boys as there are so many other things to worry about.(i.e pregnancy, STDs) Ok off my soapbox on the taboo subject.
It is so easy to get caught up in the excitement of a crush noticing you when you were always invisible to him in the past. And once you get that attention, you crave it and you want it to continue. You start convincing yourself there is something more there, that you mean something to him, that is is different and he really cares for you. This mindset started in Highschool for me and in College, I fell even deeper into this pattern. Every time, I can tell you I ended up with a very broken heart and the guy always moved on to a girl he truly cared for. It really is so hard because we really want to believe they care. Any hint of interest towards you makes you believe they must somewhere deep down care for you and maybe they are just afraid of those feelings. But, no they aren't--they are really just taking advantage of you and the opportunity. You are too smart and incredible to fall for that and deserve so much more from the men you choose to allow in your life. Don't forget, you truly choose who you let in your life and you have every right to be very picky and demand to be treated with nothing but respect and adoration. It is perfectly okay to have that attitude with guys as the ones who don't deserve you won't make the effort to meet your standards anyway.
The best example that I have of this in practice is from College. There was a boy who lived in my dorm freshman year. We started hanging out quite a bit in his dorm room most of the time. We had a class together so we would study in his room. Usually studying turned into make out sessions. I found out eventually he had the same type of relationship with 2 other girls in our dorm but I convinced myself I was different. I started dating another guy who actually liked me Sophomore year but still couldn't get this one guy out of my head. We hung out a few times "as friends". I always romanticized our time together, walks on campus at night, driving to a nearby Forest Preserve and staring at the stars and talking..all this stuff that would make you think a guy definitely had feelings for you--but he never asked me out on a date. Before Junior year, my boyfriend at the time and I broke up probably because I never could get over this other guy. Right away that year, I found my way back to him. He did ask me as his date to a fraternity party and we went and he was saying all of these sweet things all night. I asked him to a football game at my older Brothers college and he came (along with my roommates at the time) and met my family and I thought we had a great weekend. Then all of a sudden after we got back, he started to avoid me...would act like he didn't see me around campus and basically would ignore me(we even had a class together and he never said a word to me). Around Christmas that year, he called me to say he just wasn't looking to be in a relationship at the time. The next semester, I found out he had a new girlfriend and they dated all the way through Senior Year and from what I've heard are now married. He never wanted anything more from me otherwise he would have had it. He found whatever it was I was missing in this other girl and he couldn't let her go. When they want to be with you, they will! He broke my heart worse than any other guy I have ever met as our relationship was more than just physical, we shared so much about our lives with one another but regardless, he had every opportunity to make me his girlfriend and he NEVER did because deep down, he didn't want me. It was a tough lesson but one I needed to learn. The right guy will eventually come to you and when he does, you will know without a doubt that he cares for you because he will make it a point for you to know. I've said it before but my boyfriend today called me and asked me to dinner the very next night. I even pushed him away to avoid getting hurt and he didn't give up on me. So don't be fooled, recognize the boys that want to spend time with you vs. the boys who just want to see how far you'll let them get. It is a lesson better learned earlier than later.
I do want to take some time and Thank all the people who have recently started to read my blog as I have noticed higher activity to my blog. I know I don't know everything about this life but hope I can offer a little something from someone who has been there not too long ago and learned from some experiences. If you like what you read, please share and please offer any comments, questions, etc.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)