Rejection Hurts!

Original Entry Date:
April 10, 2000
Age: 16
Background:
The April following my entry "How to know if he really likes you". I got involved with the wrong guy and also had a falling out with some friends all around the same time.

Dear Diary,

Well long time since I've written. Turnabout came and went, prom is coming up. I'm going to senior with Dan Wilkins, not sure about junior yet. The big thing though is that the whole Kyle thing blew up in my face. He tried to hook up with me two more times, once successfully. Even though he told me he didn't like me yet he knew I liked him. Then he has Kim on the side. Then he realizes oh I have this thing for Molly Madison. Oh I was crying. What I couldn't understand is why I thought we had something great and why it meant absolutely nothing to him. I didn't see how or why he couldn't see that something special between us. It's still there, it's diminished a bit in the past month but its still there. He shouldn't have led me on the way he did. He realized that though and at least the boy apologized. I have that to be thankful for. Not only did that happen but Morgan, Mel, and Kim have grouped themselves off, excluding me, and leaving me crying in the dirt. They no longer hang out with the seniors who got them through 2 years of High School. They have no respect for people and what they do for them. It's hard though because I can't help but feel something is wrong with who I am. Every friend I have ever made has deserted me at some point in my life. I just hope my luck turns around soon.

Love,
Megs

Dear Megs,

Oh man, if only I could travel back in time and read you my entry about how to know if a boy likes you. You fell for Kyle's games hook, line, and sinker. He toyed with your emotions and strung you along just so he could see how far you would let him get. All along, he was also hooking up with your friend Kim who was suddenly getting cliquey with your other friends and excluding you. Then he ends up falling for another girl and asking her to be his girlfriend. Then the girls who you used to hang out with regularly start grouping themselves off, hanging out without you, having inside jokes that you don't know about and more. As far as you knew, you hadn't done anything to hurt them Kim started hooking up with Kyle after the two of you were involved so if anyone should have been mad, it should have been you. I knew once I no longer felt comfortable around them that I was getting freezed out. I was clearly getting a double dose of rejection that hurt on all levels.

It was hard to understand why Kyle picked someone else as his girlfriend and I wasn't good enough for him. Or why Kim, Morgan and Mel could be best girlfriends but I wasn't cool, nice or fun enough to be part of that group. No body likes to feel like they don't belong or that they aren't good enough. It is one thing for someone to say they don't want to be your boyfriend or they don't want to be your friend, but then to see them having those connections with other people; that really hurts. The question just keeps eating at you: what makes her better than me? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not nice enough? Am I too nice? Am I boring? Why don't they want to be friends with me? Why were they nice to me for a while but now I don't belong? Am I not cool enough? What is cool? Did I do something wrong? You just keep picking yourself apart trying to realize what it is you did that caused this rejection.

Truth of the matter is, you never did do anything wrong. For whatever reason, who you were wasn't what Kyle wanted or wasn't the type of friend these girls wanted. Did it hurt? Of course! Did I think I needed to change to be the type of girl Kyle wanted or the type of girl Mel, Morgan and Kim wanted to let in their clique, of course! But no matter how much I tried to conform to be what they wanted, I couldn't--I was simply me---whether I understood who that was at the time or not. You are one of a kind and you should always be proud of that fact. Some people will like you and others will not. One of your unique characteristics is all you have ever wanted is to get along with everyone. So when you aren't someone's cup of tea, it hurts. I believe most people feel this way but they forget that others feel this as well. Truth be told, I still see Kyle from time to time due to mutual friends in our grown up lives. Honestly, once college was over, I looked back and couldn't really understand what had been so special about him. Today, he absolutely would not be a guy I would be interested in pursuing. Yet at that age at that moment in my life he broke my heart and it seemed like the worst thing ever. Looking back, it clearly was just not meant to be. Kim and Morgan are still close friends with one another but I haven't heard anything on Mel in years. I still see them from time to time but again, I can now what I couldn't see then, they really were not girls I could have longstanding friendships with. We are still friendly with one another but I see why we didn't connect back then. I now have amazing girls that I met over the years who would never make me feel bad about who I am or make me feel like I didn't belong. I am so grateful to have found those true friendships over time.

Rejection does hurt but I believe there is a reason behind everything in life. It may not make sense at the time you are in it, and it may hurt a lot--but it just means your life is meant for a different and often greater destiny. Therefore, if someone rejects you or doesn't seem to want you in their life, shake it off. Stand tall and be proud of who you are. It may be hard to understand why someone doesn't want you in your life but you have to be strong and accept it and be confident that you will find the people whose lives you are meant to be a part of. And no matter what, never change to meet who other people think you should be. You are unique, you are one of a kind, heck, you are you!