Life happens...so let it

Original Entry Date:
April 21, 1997
Age: 13
Background: Written a few weeks before I graduated from Grammar School

Dear Diary,
Hey What Up?!  M life is getting just way too confusing for me.  I don't know who I like, don't know who my real friends are or if I even have any.  I don't know anything about my future so you what I say, Who cares?!  I have only a couple of weeks left at Grade School-why not have fun?  Who cares if some boy doesn't like me?  Who cares if I'm not popular?  I say its their loss.  I'm gonna start all over pretty soon and I can't be livin in the past or in the future.  I have to live my life now as it is.  What happens, happens.  Its all fate, its all planned out and I can't change it.  Well see ya!

Love,
Megs

Dear Megs,
I enjoy this entry.  You often spent so much time reflecting on your life and trying to change things only to be disappointed when nothing worked out the way you hoped.  This was a very rare time that you just gave up on trying and just lived your life.  While I can't say it lasted long, it was necessary to have a tough skin, shrug off the difficulties and "just keep swimming" as Dory from "Finding Nemo would say. 

Don't get me wrong, I am all for the quotes about not letting opportunities pass you by and if you want something, go get it, you can't sit around and wait for your life to begin, etc.  However, I also believe that you can drive yourself crazy if you try to plan out and analyze every moment of your life.  While I don't necessarily believe everything comes down to fate, I do believe there are lots of experiences in life that are out of our control.  I also believe that each moment, each experience taken at an individual moment may not make sense but when looking back, was really meant to be.

My life sometimes seems like a perfect example of this: I had my heart set on a certain Ivy League College---all I wanted to do was get in.  Unfortunately, I was rejected and I ended up going to another wonderful college in the Midwest.  That experience at the school that was not my first choice ended up being the best 4 years of my life.  While at the time I was crushed when I didn't get in to my dream school, I cannot deny that my life would be incredibly different if I had.  The next link in this chain was when half-way through my freshman year of college, a very scary freak accident left me in intensive care with a fractured spinal cord.  This accident caused me to miss my second semester of freshman year.  I was crushed at the time but looking back, I was having a hard time finding my niche at the school and was severely struggling socially.  After the accident, I ended up going back to school for summer classes and living in the dorms.  Over summer school, I reconnected with a girl from my orientation group who was also there.  Once the sophomore year started back up, she invited me out with her group of girl friends from Freshman Year.  We all got along so well and eventually ended up getting an off campus house together Senior Year.  Also through my connections with these 4 girls, I found myself introduced to several other girls who introduced me to their friends.  Now these 4 girls and the additional friends I made through their connections are all part of a very special and amazing group that I am so fortunate to have met.  It was this type of friendship and acceptance that I had longed for in High school and Grammar school and I had finally found it.  Without the bad individual experiences, I don't know if I ever would have found that!  We are all going on a trip together next year for our 30th birthdays and we hope to continue this tradition as the years go by even more.  To further the strange way life works out, one of the girls I met through my senior year roommates is now one of my closest friends in Chicago.  Our second year in the city, she invited out one of her guy friends from college who had just moved to the city.  We met that night and instantly connected.  We talked all night and at one point I told him I would help him "pick up a girl in the bar".  The bar had fresh flowers on all of the tables so I gave him a daisy and told him to walk up to a pretty girl in the bar, tell her she s the prettiest girl in the bar, give her the flower and ask her to dinner (kitschy I know).  He turned to me and gave the line I had just given.  Our first date was the next night and 6 years later, we are still together and just got back from a wonderful vacation in San Francisco.

So basically, life works in really mysterious ways that are hard to understand in the moments we are in.  However, I really do believe everything in life happens for a reason that may not be clear at that given moment.  A big question that is often asked is "what is your biggest regret in life?"  Looking back, I do believe every aspect of my life that perhaps I may have regretted at the time, actually brought me to where I am today.  Take out one single piece and the life I have today would be completely different.  Every friend that has turned their back on you makes you stronger and appreciate good friends when they do come.  Every rejection or low point brings you to perhaps a different path that is meant to be and you wouldn't have found otherwise.  Every guy who broke your heart will eventually bring you to the one who makes all of your dreams come true.  While low points and struggles are so hard in the moment, don't regret or curse one, they all are part of the journey that makes you, you.  So life happens, live it, love it, let it---the best surprises are yet to come.