Original Entry Date:
October 5, 1996
Age 13
Background: I had my first "boyfriend" in 6th grade. Two years later, I still wasn't over him
Dear Diary,
Things have gotten better since the last time I wrote. Kelly has been dumped by her friends and has come back to me begging for my friendship. She is totally using me! Oh well, in a way I'm using her. Let me explain. You remember Ty-my first love-I still like him. Kelly knows a girl Ella who knows him so that's right--major set up! The girl Ella agreed to ask him if he likes me and now all I have to do is sit and wait; sounds easy right? Year, sure, whatever. I am so nervous, I like him so much! What if he says yes, what if he says no. You know that if two years have passed and I still like him it must be love!
Love, Megs
Dear Megs,
I like you, Do you like me? Check Yes, No, Maybe? Ahh I remember the days when crushes were as simple as this little common "note" girls used to send to boys. I am curious to know how teens today do this with all the technological venues available ...I may be dating myself with this but I grew up in a time before facebook, cellphones and when AOL and "instant messaging"(which is completely archaic now) were just coming out(my parents had yet to buy an account--yep it used to not be free). Basically, if you liked someone, you couldn't befriend him on facebook or have friends text you if they saw him somewhere (I am the first to admit girls can become minor stalkers when they have a crush--oh that was just me? oops nevermind!) When you had a crush on a guy, especially a guy from a different school as this particular boy was, your best hope was to have mutual friends arrange an event you both might be at or just pure old "fate" and running into them somewhere unexpectedly. Oh I remember how I would dream up these scenarios of running into him at the movie theatre or just walking down the street (he lived maybe 2 blocks from me), or at the ice skating rink, or the annual town fair, etc. I would always be disappointed when it didn't happen. I suppose this still slightly happens (though admittedly its more dread then excitement) with ex boyfriends I am not facebook friends with and would never text or call). Funny how it seems when you do run into them, you tend to look your worst--no makeup and sweaty coming from the gym--go figure!
I suppose before going off on too many tangents on this subject I should give a little background on my first "love". Remember the play I was in--he was in it too. His Mom worked on costumes. As mentioned, he went to a different school and lived not too far from me. Oh all the girls in that play had huge crushes on him. He was definitely very cute. Blond, tan, brown eyes, nice smile--the whole kit and caboodle. We had very different parts in the play so I didn't now too much about him as we rarely rehearsed together. But I remember very clearly the moment it all began...his Mom was in charge of one of my costumes and they needed fabric that we had been given to be delivered to her so she could work on it. So Ty and I rode our bikes (mind you we were 11 at the time) to do the exchange...oh in that moment I think I fell in love for the first time. I couldn't stop thinking about him.
But I had plenty of crushes before. Cute boys in classes that I kept my admiration of to myself. But this was definitely not just a first crush. How was it different? Well he liked me back! After opening night of the play, the cast went out for pizza and we were all pressuring him to tell us who he liked (of course all secretly hoping it was us!!) The moment of truth came and drum roll....his crush was me!!! It was then forced out of me that I liked him too and then he asked me to be his girlfriend--oh I was sooo happy and excited!! Ever since I liked boys I had wanted this to happen. The play ran for two weeks and let me tell you, we were inseparable--playing cards during downtime and just hanging out--I even remember he made me friendship bracelets (even at 11 he understood the importance of giving girls jewelry) Of course we never went on any real dates as we were too young(oh I cried for days when I asked my parents if we could and they said no) . Once the play ended, we went our separate ways and I was left to hope to run into him.
Fast forward 2 years and here is the diary entry about how I had never gotten over him. Spoiler alert, nothing did ever happened with us. I remember he went to the local highschool, got a very pretty girlfriend and they dated all throughout...I think even were Homecoming King and Queen. I still pined after him in highschool and would hope to run into him but the extent of our relationship was really two weeks when we were 11...
So why is it these minor relationships stick with us no matter how old we grow. Unlike a lot of other boy from my past, I don't need a diary entry to remember him or that I ever even liked him because it just isn't something you forget. I think it is entirely the whole "first" aspect. We always remember firsts (or we are supposed to---I'm embarrassed to admit I'm not entirely sure I know my first kiss--I guess it was forgettable!)I believe this stuck with me because that age is such a formative time in our lives. We are slowly becoming teenagers and aware of our social surroundings. More importantly, we start to notice boys and develop crushes and sadly enough, this is the time we begin to experience insecurity in our looks and personalities. It is a time when all you want is to fit in and not be invisible, (and more ideally, not be the target of all too common teasing at that age). To have a cute boy like you back just brought so much confidence to myself in a time where I was largely lacking such.
Was it really a first love? Doubtful as we were 11, it was just curiosity and having fun at that age. But I will never forget him nonetheless. He was the first boy to ever notice me back and for a girl who was mostly invisible at school, it was a chance to be someone else outside of the classmates I grew up with. I hope everyone has this experience and meets that boy that for the first time in their lives, makes them feel special. And don't feel badly if it isn't meant to be--they are there to give us something we need at that time (companionship, confidence, happiness etc.) I really do believe in the saying that people come into your life for a reason and that some are meant to be there forever while other are just temporary but leave footprints on your heart and change who you are. Every young girl should experience the joy of a first "love"---it truly is a memory that lasts a lifetime
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