Friends are Forever..Men are Fleeting

Original Entry Date:
September 28, 1997
Age: 14
Background:
My first homecoming dance. As mentioned in prior entries, I went to a private highschool. Kids came from surrounding areas but there was a group of 12 of us or so that went to the same grade school. I was good friends with a few of the girls. The actions of this night was the main reason I would pinpoint for the loss of that friendship.

Dear Diary,
Well HighSchool is off to a pretty good start. I went to Homecoming last night. I hated my date but that was ok because there were plenty of other guys there to hang out with. Uh oh there is a slight problem though. Casey Reagan is in love with this guy Mark Conrad. Well guess what happens? I start to like him. I try to tell myself I can't but I do...a lot. Oh boy I don't think he would go out with me but it still would be fun. I danced with him four times last night-Casey was not happy. I think she knows I like him too. That's all for now.
See Ya.

Oh Megs,
This entry makes me so mad and so sad at the same time. It shows such an ugly side to your personality and one which I am glad was not long lived. It also makes me mad because this is such an easy lesson and one which you did repeatedly..in grade school, high school and college. And don't even get me started on you saying you "hated your date"--at one point in your life you just want a date to a dance and when you get one and use such a strong negative word of "hate" to describe a perfectly nice guy who could have eventually turned into a friend---he ended up moving away and is probably married with an adorable baby and a very happy life now---oh I digress..back to the subject

It is the oldest rule in girl code out there....Do not steal a friends boyfriend, do not like a guy that your friend likes...just any guy that has any relation to a friend that may be romantic or that they wish to be romantic---STAY AWAY. How is this the easiest rule to understand but somehow, the one that gets broken the most? There is even a book on this concept (turned into a movie--Something Borrowed) and has been the plot of many a television show 90210(old and new Kelly/Brenda/Dylan Annie/Naomi/Ethan(Season 1)). So clearly it is a far more complex and reoccurring situation than it would seem to be.

Why does such a basic rule seem to get broken over and over again--and why do we struggle so much with following it? Do we not value these friendships enough where all it takes is a cute guy with a great smile to cloud our mind? It just goes to show how weak we ladies can be for someone tall, dark, and handsome...all logical thought goes out the window and we are ready to swoop in and take what someone else has, no matter who it hurts...

So other than the hypnotizing piercing blue eyes and sculpted muscles, how do we let ourselves do this? I think we just try and justify it in our head over and over again and make excuses that make it okay. "Oh she just has a crush on him, she doesn't ever talk to him and he and I have a great connection", or "he may be her boyfriend but she always talks about other guys and they don't seem to be head over heels in love and he is always flirting with me" or "they broke up months ago and she's moved on, it can't be that big of a deal if I go for it." I don't care what the excuses are though..let me tell you from experience,going after a friends crush, ex, or worst of all, boyfriend will ALWAYS end badly.

My first lesson was in another diary entry which I'll get to another time. Then there is the story from this entry. So what happened? Fast Forward 14 years, this guy? Not my type in any way shape or form. He never really grew up and from what I understand is very artsy, hippy--perfect match for some girl but not me. I go for the more clean cut, boy next store types as that is just me. And the girl? that dance was pretty much one of the last times we were friends..we tried to make it work past that but I am pretty certain she lost all respect for me after that night. And this was a friend I had since I was 6 or 7....so huge mistake. Second lesson? College. There was this guy from my hometown that one of my friends had a huge crush on. They didn't really talk and it was clear nothing was going to happen. So I didn't think she would care when one night out, we ended up making out in a bar. Oh let me tell you the fallout the next morning was ugly. My friend and another girlfriend of ours(it was actually senior year of college and we all lived in a house together) were furious with me, there was yelling, screaming, crying...and it took all parties a while to get past. This was the last time I needed to learn this lesson as I couldn't ever do this again after that experience and I didn't. And these girls who I screamed it out with are thankfully still 2 of my closest friends as they thankfully did forgive me but not all friends are like this. Oh and nothing ever amounted with this guy (trust me it rarely, rarely does) which is why it is NEVER worth it.

And I'm not the only one that has done it--post college? My old roommate had a crush on the neighbor of another group of our girlfriends--and so did one of the girls that lived next door to him. My roommate went for it knowing perfectly well the other girl was hoping he would like her as more than a friend. More yelling, fighting, name calling, not speaking for a while---all over a boy. They worked it out and the guy ended up being a major jerk and not the catch we all worked him up to be. A few years later, it happened again. This time, a friend of mine dated a guy in college who lived in another state. They broke up and he came to visit. When he was in town, something happened with her best friend and him. The best friend moved away a few years later and only after she moved did we all discover what had happened. This relationship was never recovered---and once again nothing good comes of of this, And in the the stories, nothing, I repeat absolutely nothing, has ever came to be with the guys in these situations.

So to wrap it up--what can I tell you on this tricky subject? Just don't do it--resist and know from someone who has been there, IT DOESN'T WORK. You'll either have an awful argument with a great friend or worse, lose them forever for a guy who will mean absolutely nothing to you in a few years. I don't care how "meant to be" you think you two are--trust me, there are hundreds of guys that will cross your path over the years--if the guy you are meant to be with for the rest of your life is somehow involved with your friend at the time you meet him, let it be. If it is truly meant to be, he will be back in your life at a time when it is more appropriate and no one will get hurt. If you have to hurt someone else to be with a guy, he isn't the one for you anyways. Good girlfriends are a dime a dozen while there are a million fish in the sea...don't sacrifice a friendship for a guy--just don't it is never worth the risk of losing them forever.

Oh and if you ever find yourself on the other side of this, where a friend has gone after an ex, crush, or boyfriend of yours--know you have every right to be furious with them. They were certainly in the wrong in doing this. However, know that everyone makes mistakes and if you can find it in your heart to forgive them try. That boy that you two are fighting over will probably be in neither of your lives 14 years from now but only you two can find a way to work out and be sure you are still in each others.

Til Next Time,
Megs