Casualties of Time....

Original Entry Date:
October 22, 2000
Age: 17
Background: I have an older brother who is just a year older than me. He had a very solid group of friends in Highschool that he remains close with to this day. I hung out with them a lot in HS and was nervous about my senior year when they had graduated
Dear Diary,
Well, it's been a whole 6 months since I've written. Well this is it, the senior year of HighSchool. My life has changed so much in these 6 months and I thought I would be upset but to be honest, I haven't. You never realize what great friends you have until you really need them My brother and all of his friends have left for college and have moved on with their lives. I've been having fun though. Jackie, Erin, Riley, Mark and Connor have been great friends to me. Well ok maybe Connor has caused some problems but he was being an awesome friend. But of course my life is full of conflicts so how could I not have one with him? We went to homecoming together but it definitely started way at the beginning of the school year. There was some questioning along the lines of if there was something a little more than just friends there. I'm so careful about guys ever since the Kyle thing. Well to make a long story short, I thought he liked me so I liked him, I was wrong and now the great friendship we had and the even better friendship we could have had has been lost.
Love, Megs

Dear Megs,
I wish I could explain why friendships with some people last forever and others only last a little while. Reading back on this entry, I fondly think of the times spent with various groups of friends who were nothing short of amazing to you. Jackie and you used to share all of your fears, hopes and dreams and have sleepovers and just talk for hours. You helped Erin get through a heartbreak and she threw you a going away party for college. Riley was just the sweetest girl I had ever met and made you feel so comfortable all of the time. She always wanted to hang out together. Her boyfriend Mark was such a great guy too. These are all such amazing people who I have fond memories of back in Highschool. All of these friends were also there for you when an unfortunate accident freshman year of college left you in intensive care and eventually bedridden for several months. Everything was there to set up a foundation for lifelong friendships. It breaks my heart to think that I no longer keep in touch with any of them. Facebook has allowed me keep up with their lives but we are essentially now strangers who simply share all of these wonderful memories from our pasts.

Jackie moved to Missouri while I live in the city of Chicago. Distance and different lives seem to be what tore us apart. I often worry that I forced her out unintentionally through new college friendships that perhaps I let give way to my priority over our HighSchool rituals. We kept in touch for a bit after college with phone calls and attempts to visit and then one day, we just stopped. That was 5 years ago now. I always look back to see how she is doing and try to wish her Happy Birthdays but still, we live completely separate lives now and the extremely strong friendship we once had is gone.

Erin I still run into from time to time. She and I have very similar lives now it seems but similar with Jackie, we just let our new lives take priority over our old ones. Erin is in the city as well and also has a big group of college friends she spends time with. There are some Highschool alumni events where we run into each other and it really is easy to fall back into the same pattern with her. Still, for whatever reason, a person who used to be such a big part of my life is no more than an acquaintance in my adult life.

Riley also lives in the city and I've run into her from time to time. We exchanged cell phone numbers several times and made promises and attempts to get together for dinner and drinks and catch up. I am sad to say it never happened and from my latest facebook stalking, she got married this year (not to Mark). I feel at fault for this lost friendship as it was I that cancelled on our attempts to catch up often letting the business of life get in the way.

The boys I don't know too much about now. Mark, I haven't heard anything about in years. Connor and I had a falling out that started with this diary entry and continued with his crush on my friend Jackie and their eventual relationship among other things. Ironically, he showed up at a party that some friends of mine threw at their apartment about 4 years ago. He was friends with the boyfriend of one of my friends friends (did you get that? ...small world). A few weeks later, the friends friend's boyfriend threw her a graduation party at his place and I saw him again. I've always been a nostalgic person and really enjoyed running into him as he was such a huge part of my past whether it was in a good way or not. However, in running into him, he was far less nostalgic than I was and really didn't seem all that interested in reconnecting. That was the last I saw of him and I believe he is married now as well.

Now I hate being debbie downer and I promise that isn't what I am trying to do with this entry. Friendships in highschool don't always meet the unfortunate fate mine did. The perfect example is actually my older brother. He had a wonderful group of friends back then that I was so envious of. They were all just nice, down to earth people who accepted you no matter what. I can tell you that my brother is still close with about 75% of the people he hung out with in HighSchool. And if you want an even better success story, he married his girlfriend from HighSchool and now they have an adorable 1 year old baby boy. Her twin brother who also went to HighSchool with us was my brother's best man in their wedding and her best friend form grammar school and highschool was her maid of honor. There was a large group of them from highscool at the wedding and my brother and his now wife have attended many of their weddings. Friendships (and even relationships) from grammar school and HighSchool can last a lifetime and they are proof of this.

So now the question remains, what determines who will remain in your life and who will not? Why has my brother remained close with his HighSchool group while I have lost touch? I honestly do not believe there is explanation for it. I would say you have to work on it but even that isn't a guarantee as I put plenty of effort into trying to make these friendships last and one day, we just all seemed to become too busy in our own lives. Your lives will change and you have to let it; you cannot cling to the past because in doing so, you will miss out on so many exciting new experiences and new friendships. Perhaps the best way is to recognize a diminished or changed role of these old friends in your new life? Accept that your friendship will mature with you and that it can' be exactly what is was when you were younger.

I honestly have always believed in this quote: "Friends are Angels who lift you to your feet when your wings have trouble remembering how to fly" What does this mean though? I think that the right people often come into your life when you need them most (or you may be put into someones life when they need you!) This group of friends I had during senior year were there for me during some of my toughest times. Senior year I felt alone as I had relied on my brother and his friends for the majority of my sophomore and junior years of Highschool. I was terrified of being lonely that senior year but they were there. When I broke my neck during freshman year of college, they were there for me and helped me get through one of my most trying times in life. They also helped me to find who I was and helped me to gain confidence as I grew older. Even though they are no longer in my life, the memories of the impact they made in the person I am today will last forever.

This weekend, I have a big group of friends from college all getting together to catch up and spend time together. My college friends picked up where my highschool friends left off and I hope those friendships do not become lost over the years. However, no matter what I will always be happy for time I did have with them and hope I can be with them to share times of joy and offer a shoulder to cry on during times of sorrow. So be grateful for the friends you have and do what you can to be there for them when they need you. There is no saying what causes friendships to last; but just know no matter what, the right friendships will be there when you need them most. I am going to close with another favorite quote of mine: Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”